The Land of Toolahatchee

            On a bright, squinty day in the land of Toolahatchee, just perfect for asking questions, Tinker Clown asked her mother a very important question. The kind of question that parents everywhere wonder about, the kind that seems to be scripted by someone other than your child. So when Tinker asked Topsy why there were evil clowns in the Big Tent, Topsy had a hard time coming up with an answer. But, like all loving clown parents, she gave it her best.

            "Well, my little juggling ball, it's a long story, and I'm not the storyteller in the Booby Hatch; let's get your father to tell it."

            So Topsy and Tinker went to find the papa clown, Turvy. They found him next to the Scarecrow, cultivating the family garden and trying (not too successfully) to keep his white clown gloves clean.

            After Tinker finished explaining the question, and after a few more seconds of nose scratching and foot shuffling, Turvy said, "Good question, Tinker! I don't suppose you would allow yer ol' Dad about a year to come up with a hilarious reason, now would ya?"

            Tinker just looked at the smiley face of her father and good-naturedly shook her head no. "Dad, I really want to know! I don't understand why there are bad clowns under the Big Tent. You've always told me that clowns are made special. The Great Ringmaster created clowns to bring joy and happiness to the Big Tent. So how come, Papa?!?"

            Turvy could hear the gears in Topsy's brain whirling as he gave Turvy the "What do I do now?" look. Turvy just smiled as if to say, "It's in your court cream pie face!"

            So, Turvy crossed his eyes, grabbed Tinker up in his dirty gardening arms, and with a giant" Uh-Hyuk" said, "Well, then I guess it's history class time!" and, pulling his huge shoes out of the mud, bounded off to the utility room with Tinker on his shoulders, to clean up before going into the house.

            When they were all settled, Turvy began the lesson. He picked up his ClownPad, stretched a clean pair of polka-dot juggling gloves tightly onto his fingers, and, with a flourish (and a bit of hippity hop), honked the Clown Nose App on the screen. "BOING!!" instantly, the west wall of the family room flipped over like a two-sided chalkboard and exploded to life. Pulling a cotton candy-colored tele-set out of a receptacle in the cabinet next to his unicycle recliner, Turvy began the lesson on the history of the Big Tent. Turvy was known Tent-wide for his Tele-story skills, and kiddy clowns from all over the neighborhood stampeded to Tinker's house to watch Turvy weave his thought plots on the screen.

            "Thousands of years ago, the Ringmaster thought the most amazing thought. His thoughts are always huge and filled with joy. But, this thought was so much more so huge than anything He had thought before! This thought painted a world! And, then, kept on going, painting, building, hatching, and finally illuminating everything the thought created. The Ringmaster had decided to create a complete and glorious universe with so many planets in it that no one would ever be able to count them all (even if you used all of your toes and all of your friend's toes). One of those planets was The Big Tent. A world where he knew that everybody would be happy and love each other and a place where others could share in His creativity. So He filled this glorious world with many animals, all kinds of plants, and then He created the first two clowns . . . ."

            "Daaaad!" Tinker complained. "Do we have to go all the way back to kindergarten to get the answer to a simple question like this? I learned all about Raggedy Ann and Andy a long time ago."

            "Ah yes," chortled Turvy. "But, not like this, ya haven't."

            Turvy continued, "After correcting Raggedy Andy's urge to paint clown faces on all the animals, the Ringmaster gave the job of naming the animals to him. Life became joyfully full and busy for Andy and Ann as they tended the animals and listened to the Rigmaster tell them funny and fascinating stories. The Ringmaster began teaching them to be the greatest clowns of all time (which really wasn't very long, considering the Ringmaster had just created time). Andy and Ann quickly mastered the art of juggling, pie throwing, stilt walking, pratfalling, face painting, balloon blowing, and, best of all, creating magic tricks.

Most of all, though, they loved to watch the Ringmaster juggle. He could juggle anything and knew every trick in the book. One day, while the Ringmaster juggled with His golden juggling balls, and Andy and Ann watched with their mouths hanging open almost to their toes, the Ringmaster stopped His routine and set His golden juggling balls on the forest floor. Before He danced away, He turned to Andy and Ann and warned them, "My children, whatever you do, do not touch my juggling balls. I am coming right back with some hot dogs and curly fries for dinner."

As the Ringmaster waltzed away, Andy and Ann could taste the hot dogs and curly fries and knew they were the happiest people in the Big Tent to have a Ringmaster such as theirs."

However, their hot dog and fries dream came to an abrupt stop when a song they had never heard before drifted into their ears -- A musical sound like the music that came from the Ringmaster's giant calliope -- but different. It was "I-can't-stop-my-feet-from-moving" music. So, being the curious types they were, Andy and Ann climbed through the marshmallow bushes and apple trees to where the sound was coming from. There, under a giant chocolate apple tree, stood a curiously colored creature juggling at least 10 chocolate apples. Boy, oh boy, could he juggle! His clown face glowed and flashed with a light that danced as his purple clown nose pulsed. He wore a fancy rainbow-colored tux with tails and silvery pointed shoes.  And his clown hair had to be 3 feet wide, glittering bright blue, red, and yellow. He was so much more wonderful than Andy and Ann that they marveled that the Ringmaster had ever created them. The creature shone so gloriously that he was hard to look at. Then he spoke to them with all the charm of a master car salesman.

"Andy and Ann! It's wonderful to see you. I have heard so much about your skills as a juggling team that I just had to come and meet you. I'm somewhat of an accomplished juggler myself and thought that if just IF you were good enough, you could join my traveling circus. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Ringleader. My circus is the grandest in the Big Tent! All of the best performers work for my circus, and if you come to work in my circus, I can promise you that you will be stars!!"

Andy and Ann had forgotten all about hot dogs and curly fries and just stood there frozen by the Ringleader's suggestion. This beautiful creature wanted them to join his circus, and he said they could be stars. Instantly, Andy wondered why he had never seen the Ringleader's circus. In fact, he had thought that the Ringmaster's circus was the only circus in the Big Tent. "Could this be true?" thought Ann. "Could we be stars in a circus?" And both Andy and Ann spoke up at the same time.

"Do you really think we could be stars in a circus???"

"Well now, I do indeed, my young proteges. But, first, you must prove yourselves worthy of my circus. You must bring me the Ringmaster's golden juggling balls!" crooned the Ringleader.

Andy and Ann backed away with a look of fear etched across their faces and hesitantly said, "But, the Ringmaster said not to touch the golden juggling balls. We can't disobey our Ringmaster!"

The Ringleader laughed and said, "Oh dear me, you silly children! Don't you know that if the Ringmaster can create all of this magnificence, He can surely create new golden juggling balls for Himself? Surely, if He has given you all of this, He won't mind letting you have the golden juggling balls! Besides, He just doesn't want you to know the secret!"

Andy and Ann were caught. "What secret?" they chimed.

            "That if you touch the golden juggling balls, then you will be just as good of a juggler as the Ringmaster," lied the Ringleader.

            "Us, just as good as the Ringmaster?" they wondered.

"That's right," the Ringleader smiled. "The moment you touch the balls, you will know just as much about juggling as He does, and He doesn't want you to know that because He's jealous of how good you are already!" The Ringleader enjoyed creating lies. Because the Ringleader hated anything The Ringmaster created. He had been The Ringmaster's favorite long before the first clowns were created. But, he had become vain and tried to take The Ringmaster's place in the center ring. This hurt The Ringmaster badly and forced Him to banish the Ringleader forever from the forest."

            Tinker jumped up and shook her fist at the screen, and shouted. "Oh, you mean, bad, horrible Ringleader! How I wish you had never been created!" This brought the story to a halt as Tinker expressed her dislike for the Ringleader.

            Turvy looked at Topsy and smiled. But Topsy looked back at Turvy with her, "Let's move this along there, Mr. Storyteller, and gave the smallest of small nudges with her head as if to say, "Turn around and look behind you, pie-in-the-face."

So Turvy took his tele-set off and turned to look around. It had happened again. The room was filled with the neighbor kids, all with their tele-sets and bowls of rainbow-colored, yummy popcorn. Around the room, propped up against the walls, were their parents. There were the next-door neighbors, Rufus the Strongman and his wife Tinkerbell the midget ballerina; there next to the front door was Talleron the Wildman, tamer of animals, and Turvy's favorite pet, Percy the Lion King.

The neighbor smiled at him as if to say, "Get with it, Clown Boy! The Footy Ball game starts in an hour!" Yep, it had happened again, instant extended family.

"I should charge admission." thought Turvy, "I'd never run out of Cotton Candy!"

Then Turvy looked down at Tinker and saw the look of pride on her face. Tinker had the best dad and the best storyteller on the street.

Stuffing a giant handful of popcorn into the mouth of the most famous clown face in the big tent, Turvy signaled the end of the impromptu intermission and began again. "When the Ringmaster found that Andy and Ann and the golden juggling balls were gone, He called their names. Not getting an answer, He took the hot dogs and curly fries and went looking for them. He found them in a part of the forest that they had never been in before. And as He approached them, they hid something behind their backs.

"What do you have behind your backs, children?" the Ringmaster asked.

Andy and Ann were caught. They had been juggling with the golden juggling balls and found that they were indeed much, much, much better with the golden juggling balls than with the ones that the Ringmaster had made for them. In fact, the golden juggling balls just seemed to juggle themselves. It was effortless and easy to do all the same tricks that the Ringmaster had done. They had come to the conclusion that the Ringleader was right: the Ringmaster WAS jealous of them.

But, now, they were caught. And fear rose up in them, and shame crushed their spirits. They held out the golden juggling balls to the Ringmaster. But all they wanted to do was hide from the look on His face. Andy and Ann would discover this was only the beginning of their pain.

The Ringmaster sent them away from the forest and stationed security guards at the entrances so they could never come back to the Ringmaster's forest.

Andy and Ann wandered around in the Big Tent for a very long time, looking for the Ringleader's circus. But sadness followed them everywhere they went because they knew that they had disappointed the Ringmaster by disobeying Him. Now, all they had were their usual red, blue, and yellow bouncy balls. And it seemed that they knew a little more about juggling, but not enough to make their sadness go away. Andy and Ann were two very miserable Clowns.

Andy and Ann never did find the Ringleader's circus but went to live in the land of the Toolahatchee River, where they began their own circus. They vowed that they would never be fooled again, and hoping the Ringmaster could hear them, they called out for forgiveness to the Ringmaster. Barely had the ". . . forgive us" passed Andy and Ann's lips when there was the Ringmaster, arms open wide with footlong hot dogs and lemonade.

With the help of the Ringmaster, they wrote down what had happened to them and instructions on how to live a happy life in the world the Ringmaster had created. Although the Ringmaster had sent them away from the forest as punishment for their disobedience, He still loved them and wanted to be with them."

Turvy stopped the tele-story turned around and said, "And that, my little cream puff, is why there are Bad Clowns in the Big Tent."

Immediately, every kiddy in the room shot their arms in the air to ask questions. Turvy noticed that a few of their parents had their hands up as well. But, since this started out for Tinker, Turvy pointed to her and said, "Ah yes, Topsy, we have a question from the peanut gallery."

"Dad! I'm not a peanut!" She was now standing with her arms crossed. "I think I understand now, Papa. But, did Andy and Ann ever get to go back to the garden?"

This was followed by a chorus of voices from the entire Neighborhood Big Tent dwellers, all agreeing with Tinker.

Turvy replied, loud enough for everyone else to hear, "No, Tinker, they were never able to go back. And, to this day, in the Big Tent, no one in the circus has ever gone back."

Topsy chimed in, "The reason there are bad clowns in the big tent is because the Ringleader is still out there trying to lie to little clowns like you to listen to him instead of our Ringmaster. The moment someone believes the lie that they are just as good as the Ringmaster and don't need His help. They began to lose that creative spark." Topsy pointed at Tinker's chest. "They lose that spark The Ringmaster gave us when He created us."

Turvy saw all the hands come down as the crowded room began to applaud Turvy's Tele-story.

Everyone except for the Ringleader spying on Tinker through the window, his next target.