It's Been With Me

It's October in Colorado and I'm in my hometown Leadville sitting on the red couch I thrifted a month ago in my living room with my friend Jake contemplating our discussion that we had with the psychic he had hired in return for Fifty thousand likes.

 "I think it's time Cole. How much longer do you want this to go on? You need your answers."

Jake is right. I do want my answers but he wants his content. I don't blame him. A few dollars and a spindle of fame from YouTube would do that to you. I also can't deny that I benefit from it too.

"It's been solid ten years since I've touched that thing. I need time."

"Cole you heard that psychic. You have to figure it out. There has to be a conversation."

Jakes says as he makes his way closer to the Hearth. The evenings get pretty cold in here.

"Jake, I am a little dicey about psychics and to be honest, I'm not even sure if I want it away from me or if I want to keep doing these things."

"You said you're down to explore and investigate then what's preventing you now?"

"It's different Jake. It was all fine until my little sister texted me last night that she's hearing loud breathing noises. I can't do this if it would affect my family"

"Listen, I wouldn't force you but think about it. We were such sceptics but there has always been something. Every place we explore, every séance we do, every people we meet, in fact every device we use, we get something. It's not a joke. There is something out there and honestly, Cole? I know you think it's for money and views but a major part of me needs proof for myself to believe in it."

"I get it. I just feel like sometimes that it's not the place we go to that's strange." Jake gives me a quizzical look.

"What if it's one of us that's haunted? Or maybe it's me. This thing is attached to me and you know it"

"Cole if it wanted to hurt you, it would have. Maybe it's looking for a way to answer your questions. Do you not want to find out what it wants?"

It's more of a rhetorical question at this point and I like Jake. I really do but sometimes he can be a bit more persuasive and I'm not sure if I entertain that but this time, maybe I want to follow on.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you want to play with me?" I ask the board as I sit alone in my room with lights out. This is intriguing. To contact the dead. I have been doing this for a year now. I got this board from my uncle on my thirteenth birthday. I begged for it. Although, this is just acting strange today. It hasn't moved at all. I close the game by making three rounds on the board with the planchette and saying it a final goodbye. This hasn't happened before but maybe the spirits didn't want to be summoned upon.

My day has gone pretty casually apart from the occasional thuds and creaks from the house. I even heard a whisper from my kitchen but other than that, it's been quite normal. I've had my dinner and I kiss my mom a good night.

As I lay in my bed, I can't stop thinking about using the board again. It's not even midnight so it won't be that bad. It's school night but I guess twenty minutes wouldn't do much harm...

"What?" I turn to the side of my bed as I hear a whisper so close to my ear. It's unusual. I ignore it and I certainly can't get up now to play the board. I try to sleep.

I wake up in a panic. It happened again. It's been an hour and it happened again. Although, this time it was more like a heavy breathing voice. "Am I hallucinating?" I ask myself. I decide to turn on my night lamp and ignore it one more time. With a heavy heart, I doze off to sleep. Or at least try to.

A hat. Long slender figures lurking in the window but this hat. The one wearing it. It approaches me and as it does, it looms. Although, I can't comprehend what it wants. As I see it on the sour cream colored wall illuminated by my night lamp, it's just looking at me in the mirror placed in front of my bed. It's a shadow. It's offering me a hand.

 "Hat man", I say going towards my wall.

The faceless figure doesn't move but I am drawn towards it and I touch the wall as if taking its hand.

"Eeehvheergrheen", said the hat man in a whisper with a deep exhale that lifted the hair in the back of my neck. I'm shivering.

"What do you mean?"

Nothing.

I just stand there with the figure still on my wall.

"What does that mean?" I raise my voice.

Nothing.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

It's as if I am ruining this eerie silence that has settled in my room.

"HEY! WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER?"

The door of my room flips open and I see my mom running towards me with a worry on her face that I am not familiar to. She throws her arm around me.

"What are you doing Cole? It's going to be four in the morning. Are you okay?"

"Mom, this hat man-" I say before finding out that there is nothing there. The point of the room has hit its equilibrium and everything seems to be normal except I know that it isn't.

The board. I had thought to myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's been over ten years since I've touched my Ouija board. Although, everywhere I go, I see shadows creeping in my home. All the places that Jake and I have been to, I see them. I don't talk about the particular because I know that it will only give it more energy. I have dreams where I find myself drowning or sitting and staring at a gravestone. Mirrors. Lot’s of them. I see it too. I never found out what it said on the stone but these dreams are recurring. This whole experience has made me attached to it. The hat man. I know it. Every creak I hear makes me tremble. Every whisper in my new house makes my head turn. I am scared to live alone but I want to know what it wants. I have never been hurt but I can't deny that these little things drive me crazy. They prevent me from my own kindness. I want to stop that but a part of me doesn't want this gone. It's like a portion of me now. I swing between my two decisions. It's a dilemma but the situation right now is only too convenient.

I am sitting in a graveyard that was closest to Leadville. Jake and I decided to go into a graveyard because we know that a burial ground is a vortex. It's also the only cemetery to have two mirrors facing each other which makes it a double vortex. They are placed on the opposite boundary walls and one can see the name "Evergreen cemetery" reflecting on the endless images these mirrors form within one another.

Jake and I sit on the ground with the board with our hands placed on the planchette. It has taken every ounce of my will for me to touch this thing again. Jake has his camera placed right in front of us. I am fighting a trauma that had hit me hard.

"Do you want to talk to us?"

"Are you doing this?" Jake asks as the planchette moves towards 'YES'.

 I am not doing it and I know that Jake is too incompetent for this.

"Woah! This is not supposed to answer this fast" I exclaim.

The planchette then moves towards 'G', 'X' and then 'D'

"Why is it still moving if we aren't asking any questions?" I ask myself. This queer uneasy feeling is wrapping around me. It's afternoon and a spot of sunlight is still visible but has the temperature dropped even more?

"Cole, I don't want to scare you but what if this thing that's communicating with us isn't capable enough to spell God?"

I am shaking. This isn't necessarily evil.

"Have I seen you before?" I ask.

'YES'

Jake looks at me. He's shaking too.

"Are you the hat man?" Jake asks.

'YES'

I gasp. I have Goosebumps. This is it. I am communicating with it.

"What do you-"

It starts to move itself, interrupting me.

'O' 'N' 'L' 'Y' 'C' 'O' 'L'

I can't. I remove my hand from the planchette abruptly. I am breathing heavily. I can't do this. This feels so uncomfortable. I taste copper in my mouth.

"Cole, why did you do this? You have to keep playing."

"Jake it's not playing anymore! A Ouija board is said to have an equal percentage of will from both the human and the spirit but this is just going on its own!"

"Cole calm down. It's not doing anything. What it said is not dangerous. It finally wants to have this conversation with you. Do you not want this?"

"Okay, put your hand on it fast." I say with my voice cracking.

"I am ready to do this. Do you want to talk to me?"

Nothing.

"Wait for another ten minutes. It will answer."

Nothing.

"Dude what happened?" Jake asks frustrated.

I am getting angry now. I shake off the board and start shouting, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"DO YOU WANT TALK TO ME?"

*loud thudding*

"ALRIGHT. GET TO THE BOARD TO ANSWER ME"

This time I move the planchette myself. I need this done once and for all.

"What do you want?"

It takes time again.

"Answer me." I say irritated.

The planchette starts moving:

'H' 'O' 'S' 'T'

Jake and I, we freeze still. This is not what I anticipated. It wants to stay with me.

"Cole let's go." Jake says while turning off his camera frantically.

"Will you hurt my family?" I ask. I feel so angry.

Nothing.

It doesn't answer.

"I ask again. Will you hurt them?"

No response. "Cole, I don't feel good. Let's go!"

"ANSWER ME!"

Just as I say it, one of the mirrors break and shards of glass splatter on the ground creating a voice that pierces through our ears. Both of us scream, terrified.

We hear an unusual screech. It sounds like someone is saying my name. We don't think twice. We grab our things and run towards the car. The panic I am experiencing is petrifying. We finally make our way in. Both of us huffing hard, Jake starts the car and we escape.

Along the journey, both of us speak nothing. Words don't seem to find a way out of my mouth. I’m not sure if I want them to. I always thought about the Ouija boards as a consequence of the brain's ideomotor effect. This was before the trauma that happened to me.

How do you explain this? Is our subconscious brain that strong?

Being skeptical about these things feels like being more professional but I don't think that I don't believe it now.

As for the hat man, I'm not sure if I want it completely gone. This isn't mutualism, I just feel like it's a part of me now.