My Biggest Dream

If someone would have told me 10 years ago that I would be here at this very moment, I would think they are lying and look at them in a weird way. Today, what is about to happen, has been my long life dream for so many years. I remember when I was at school at 12 years old and I used to imagine myself on that stage, talking to these people about my achievements and my gratefulness. Today my dream is going to become real and ever since I woke up this morning, my whole body is shaking and trembling like it’s cold or something, but the weather is really really hot. My heart is pumping like crazy and my mind can’t even think straight.

 I started getting ready, even though it was way ahead of time yet, and then I sat down on my couch, watched one-two episodes of a tv-show called Lucifer, and then ate something light because I couldn’t eat something bigger due to my anxiety that hurt my stomach. After 3 hours it was time for me to leave the house. 

A limo was waiting for me outside, ready to take me where I had to go. The ride didn’t take too long, and after 20 minutes we were there, at the Oscars. As soon as I saw the building and the people around and the cameras, I knew I was there, and my stomach had gone to my chest and my heart was going to explode. I felt like I was in a dream, something I had never experienced before. The limo arrived at the end of its destination, which was at the front of the building, where thousands of people were waiting, some of them were paparazzi and others were fans, who were at the sides. In the center, there was a red carpet, where the limo had stopped, and it was where the celebrities were going. There hadn’t been that many celebrities yet, probably cause I was a bit early, but I couldn’t go later because of my anxiety, I had to make myself feel more calm and relaxed so when the rest of them are here, I won’t look like a fool. Of course, I saw a few celebrities that I knew, such as Charlize Theron, Anne Hathaway, and Bradley Cooper. 

As soon as I come out of the limo, everyone is cheering for me, cameras are all over my face, fans want me to come closer to them, and the few celebrities that were already there stared at me for a little bit. I am very excited, mainly because of all this, and also because I am nominated for 2 categories, which are Best Actress and Academy Award for Best Writing. All my competitors in these categories are really talented and some of them I admire as well, such as Anne Hathaway, Scarlett Johansson, and Sarah Paulson. 

I went next to the fans and some were asking for an autograph, so I tried to give it to some of them, but unfortunately, I couldn’t give it to everyone there. After that, I went towards a reporter who asked me to go there and then started making questions such as, if I am happy that I am here, how do I feel about all this, who am I looking forward to seeing, and whether I believe that I will win an award tonight or not. I tried answering her as honestly as possible. 

An hour passed and I made conversations with a few people there, before the rest of the actors, actresses and celebrities arrived. I was doing just fine, up until I saw that one person arriving. It was at that moment that I realized that my biggest dream, although I already knew it and tried to make it as if my biggest dream is to win an award, was right there in front of me. My whole being was in great shock because I didn’t even know this woman would be here this evening. When I saw her, everyone around me felt like people who were just passing by, and my eyes were focused on her. Of course, I didn’t want to seem weird or creepy, so I didn’t stare for too long, but I couldn’t help but give glances towards her every once in a while. 

When we got inside the building and to our seats, I saw her sitting somewhere farther than me, as I was sitting on the other row. We both sat at the front, but in different rows, and I could barely see her. The host of the Oscars Awards was Ellen Degeneres and made us all laugh our asses off from the first second. As the show kept going they got to the awards and the Best Actress category was on. 

To my surprise, I won the award. When it was announced, I couldn’t believe it. I looked around in shock. Everyone was clapping and cheering for me. I tore but tried not to do it too much because I had to go up there and give a little speech. I hugged the people around me and I went up to the stage. Everyone’s eyes were on me, which made my anxiety levels rise even more, but I tried to manage them. Ellen hugged me and congratulated me before she left the microphone for me. 

“Wow, I mean really, wow. I didn’t expect that tonight, honestly. I have never won anything in my life, not as big as this at least, and I just want to say to anyone who believed in me and who supported me and gave me all this help, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the people who helped me. Of course, I will thank my parents and my friends and other people who were there for me. My anxiety disorders wouldn’t let me go up here this evening, but I am fighting them really hard inside me. I was in a really dark place for so long and when I finally got out of it a few years ago, I finally did the things I wanted and I tried to help myself. I guess I did a good job with it since I am standing on this stage and telling you all this.” I said and made a pause as everyone was clapping for me.

“Before I leave this stage, I want to thank one more person, who is in this room tonight, and honestly if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here tonight, not just on this stage, maybe not even in life. She may not know this, and I might be a stranger to her, but she helped me a lot, either with her songs or with her just being her. So, Robyn Rihanna Fenty, thank you for being in my life, even if you didn’t know that you are, and every time I thought of doing anything bad to myself, I thought about you and you just gave me hope, when I had lost all of it. I kept on fighting because of you, and I am so honored and glad that I finally got the chance to be able to talk to you and just simply say hello. I love you so much, and this award is for you as well. Thank you all so much, and have a great evening.” I said as I teared up a lot. 

I finally achieved my dream of becoming an actress and winning an award, but my biggest joy in the evening wasn’t about the award, but it was more because of Rihanna. I finally saw her and probably after the show, we will be able to chat and maybe get to know her? I really don’t know what the future holds for me, but right now I have a different biggest dream than the one I thought I had. 

Finally, I have the life that I want and I can’t wait for other things to happen in my life. It’s the beginning of a new self destination.