How the Turn Tables

Mike got into his car, and could see the sun beginning to rise. He had a ton of meetings today, and had to get to the office by 7:00 A.M. He checked his watch. 6:45. He had time to grab coffee and a quick bite.

He pulled into the small local coffee shop, "Topped Off", and headed inside. As he got his order, a hot coffee with a blueberry muffin, he eyed the muffin.

"Huh, it's so small, i remember it being bigger. Thank you."

The barista, a young college kid, looked up quickly, a smirk on his face.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Oh nothing, i just thought it used to be bigger." Mike said, taking a bite out of the muffin.

The baristas smirk turned into a big smile.

"That's what she said!"

Mike let out a small laugh. He walked outside and checked the time. 6:55. He got into his car, and sped to work. His first meeting was at 7:30, and he needed to be prepared, this was a big sale if he could land them as clients.

He pulled up and ran inside.

"Why you going so fast?" The receptionist said as Mike jogged toward the elevator.

"That's what she said" Mike heard the security guard say as the elevator doors closed. He tilted his head as the elevator went up. He had heard "That's what she said" twice, in a span of thirty minutes. It was probably just a weird coincidence. As soon as the elevator opened he jogged into his office, and got everything ready.

His business was a middle man for wood. They bought wood for a cheap price, and sold it for profit to small companies. Today was different though. One of the big dogs, "Got Wood", was interested in buying, and they had chosen Mike to sell.

As soon as he had gotten everything together, Mr.Flenderson and Mrs.Levinson walked in.

"Did we come early?" Mr.Flenderson asked, walking into Mike's office. Him and Mrs.Levinson shared a smile. Mike noticed, and couldn't help but feel irritated.

"No, y'all came at a perfect time." Mike said, making Mr.Flenderson laugh. Mike had never felt more annoyed.

They took a seat, and Mike showed the presentation he had prepared. He wasn't sure if it would be good enough, but they seemed to have loved it. By no time, he was shaking their hands and signing a deal.

"I promise you, this is one of the best decisions you'll ever make. Our wood will make you happy."

"That's what she said!" Mr.Flenderson said, making him and Mrs.Levinson laugh. Mike forced a fake laugh, but felt an unreasonable hatred toward the man. The next few hours he made phone calls to all of his existing clients making sure they were all okay. Every single one of them had said "That's what she said".

"I'm glad we could satisfy your needs" He had said.

"That's what she said" One of his clients had replied.

After the fourth call of hearing it, he decided to take a break. If he didn't talk to anyone, he wouldn't have to hear them say it. He headed out to find something to eat for lunch.

On the way to the local pizza shop, "Slice Slice Baby", he heard it all around him. He heard it leaving his office. He heard it while waiting for his pizza. He heard it while he was sitting on a bench, where he was eating his pizza.

This was weird. He couldn't escape it. Everywhere he went one person or another was saying "That's what she said". It was cult-like.

Was he going crazy? Was he just imagining everyone saying it?

A very beautiful woman, who couldn't have been older than 30, walked up to the bench he was sitting on.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" She said, pointing to the opposite side of the bench.

"No, not at all, go ahead."

"Thank you" She said, taking a seat. Mike stared at his barely eaten pizza.

"Hey are you okay? I'm not trying to be nosy, you just look a little down."

Mike set his pizza down on the little paper plate he had.

"Yeah, I think I'm just stressed, you know? I had a big meeting this morning with a huge potential client, and I think it just kind of made me go crazy."

"Oh I'm sorry, the meeting didn't go to well?"

"Well actually, I got them on as clients."

"Oh well see, that's amazing!"

Mike felt a small smile cross his face.

"Yeah, I guess it wasn't too bad."

"Trust me, I get worked up too when I have something big going on, but you have to just look at the positive.

A big blue bus pulled up to the front of them.

"Welp, this is my ride. Congrats on landing that big client!"

"Thanks! And man, I didn't know this thing was so big."

Mikes heart stopped, and everything moved in slow motion. He realized what he had just said. The woman climbed up the stairs of the bus, and as the bus doors were closing, Mike heard her say

"That's what she said." The bus took off, sending the mysterious woman along with it. Mike ran to his car. He had had enough. He called sick into work.

While he was listening he heard the D..J say "That's what she said", so he turned off the radio, and drove the rest of the way in silence.

At last, he was finally alone, away from the rest of the world.

He took a deep breathe. He wasn't sure what was going on today, but it was weird.

He sat on his couch, and turned on the T.V. He was gonna relax the rest of the day. After flipping through a couple of channels, he landed on a show called "The Office". He had heard about it before, but had never actually seen it. He got up and headed toward the kitchen to get a beer. As he popped the lid off of the bottle, he couldn't believe his ears. He walked into the living room very slowly, as if he were trying to keep the T.V from knowing he was there. He heard it again, this time in his mind there was no doubt the boss in the show had said it. He turned his T.V off, and went into his room to hide. It was only 3:00 P.M, but Mike was prepared to stay in his. room for the rest of the day. Which is exactly what he did. He read his book "The Alchemyst" by Michael Scott until he eventually passed out.

He woke up to the early morning birds singing. His alarm clock read 7:30 A.M. He got dressed, and carefully left his house, listening for anyone who said it. He didn't hear a thing. Today he went to a different coffee shop, "All steamed up", to make sure nothing went wrong. Everything was okay. As he waited for his coffee and muffin, he could hear the baristas having a conversation about their schoolwork. He slightly smiled, remembering the good old days.

The young man continued the conversation with his friend as he gave Mike his coffee.

"It's just too hard you know?" Mike heard the barista say.

Before he could stop himself, he felt the words slip out.

"That's what she said" Mike said, laughing a little. The baristas gave a weak fake laugh.

Mike walked out of the shop embarrassed. He couldn't believe what he had just said. He got in his car, and headed off to work.

As he walked in he saw one of his female co-workers, Karen, walking into the elevator. She held it open for him, and he jogged to get in there with her. They rode in silence for a little bit, but it didn't last for long.

"I hate getting on these things. They sometimes don't go up so easy."

"That's what she said" Mike said as the elevator doors opened. They stood in an awkward silence.

"Ladies first" Mike said, as Karen stepped out of the elevator. He went into his office and locked the door. "How the tables have turned" Mike thought to himself as he sat down. He knew he would never be the same.

Any slight sexual thing he heard, he would say it, he could't help it now. Mike went on with his day, saying "That's what she said" around fifty times. He had given up. If he couldn't fight saying it, he figured he might as well have given in. It was like a parasite was attached to him.

As he was laying down to go to sleep, he heard someone on "ESPN" say "He does best at that position."

Mike only had one thought as he drifted off to sleep.

"That's what she said".