I'm Home

“Good evening, Mr. Wilson. Very happy to see that you made it!”, I exclaimed in a chirpy voice as I welcomed one of my guests. I was standing on the side of the large woody front door of the hall I had booked for today’s event, as I welcomed more guests with my warm and welcoming smile. “You look beautiful, Miss Davis", said one of my elder employees I knew well, as she entered the hall.

I was wearing a simple yet elegant black sleeveless mermaid dress, which was accompanied by a posh watch on my left hand and a diamond-covered bracelet that I had received as a gift from a friend. My facial features were beautifully highlighted by the light makeup I had applied. My long brown hair was curled to the side, while my long diamond earring complimented exquisitely my whole look. I felt confident and nervous since it was a big day today.

My employees, friends, acquaintances, and other company CEOs were scattered around the banquet hall, which was decorated simply in blue and white, my company logo colors. Opposite the door from which the guests were pouring in, was a brown podium with a black snake-like mic waiting to be used. The round tables, separated at least two meters from each other were dispersed all around the room, and were covered with elegant porcelain white tablecloths. The eight white Chiavari chairs around each table were decorated with a blue bow on the left side. Eight stainless plates, napkins, table utensils, and wine glasses were placed on each table, with a small vase of blue lilies in the middle of the tables. Another long rectangular table was set up near the podium for important guests of the night and was set up in the same way as the other tables, but with twenty chairs around it. A large chandelier hung from above giving the room a rich look. The entire hall was well lit with the support of the chandelier and the sidelights. Waiters and waitresses went around with trays, offering beverages to the guests who were busy socializing with each other.

At 7:45 pm sharp, I called one of my employees to welcome the last couple of guests that hadn't arrived yet, while I made my way towards the podium. I set up everything perfectly for my upcoming speech. At 8 pm sharp, I stood on the podium, with a confident and firm smile as I gazed all over the hall. I gave my passionate speech with confidence and sincerity, which I had persistently rehearsed for 3 months. As I finished my speech, I heard a loud applause all around the room and was relieved at the sight of satisfied and happy guests.

As I walked out of the podium, I was immediately greeted by a warm hug, “That was amazing, Adelyn! Great job! Your jokes were hilarious and entertaining as always!" said a very joyful Katie, reminiscing one of my jokes during the speech. Soon, I was surrounded by people, who praised me for my speech and encouraged me. I thanked them, while we were served some cocktail juice. "You are the life of the party, girl! Look at how everyone is talking about you and are eager to get to know you” Lara beamed. “Your enthusiasm and charisma are what gives me a great deal of confidence in you", added Mark Spencer, one of my company's investors.

We were joined by a couple of other guests, who were talking about Eliza Walker, another company owner who had held a similar party last week. “Compared to last week's host, today's host is much lively, right?” said Angela with a hypocrite tone. “I just don’t understand Eliza. She is so aloof. From what I heard, she doesn’t like parties and talking to people. How boring”, she continued. “On the other hand, we have Adelyn. Oh sorry, that’s Miss Davis, who may have a much shinier personality, but isn't that good of a person, now is she? You know, after all, she stole my position when she was only a rookie at Mcclain Company”, added Mira with a dark chuckle. They continued to spout some more jealous comments, and although I felt a little sting in my heart, I decided to leave.

I went around socializing with other guests and occasionally checked in with the staff whether everything was going as planned.

As dinner was being served, I sat on the big rectangular table with my company investors, as we mingled. Soon, the guests started to leave.

After the last guest left, I quickly grabbed my belongings, spoke some final words with the staff, hopped onto my black Audi, and sped up to my apartment, which was ten minutes away from the party hall. I parked my car and got my apartment keys out. A tired sigh left my lips as I got into the elevator, where I was joined by an old lady in my ride to the 14^th floor. I muttered a small 'hello' and stood patiently on the elevator, waiting for the 14^th floor to arrive. “You look quite spent young lady. Do make sure to take care of yourself”. “Will do, ma’am, thank you for your concern” I replied with a kind and tired smile. The elevator ‘Bing’ kept an end to my wait, and I muttered a small farewell to the old lady and walked towards my apartment door. I got inside my apartment my living room and was greeted by cold air. I must have forgotten to off the AC. I locked the door behind me, made my way towards the lifeless hallway and onto my room. I switched on the dim lights of my room and jumped right on my bed while letting out a tired sigh. What a tiresome day. I can finally be on my own. I stayed still for a few minutes on my bed, staring at the ceiling, as my heart felt as empty as my apartment. I wondered what it felt like to be home. Have I ever felt at home, anywhere, or with anyone?

I bet you thought I was a very social person. Maybe you didn't, but everyone I know thinks so. Adelyn, the happy and full of energy little company president. In truth, I hate socializing, it’s draining. I would rather be on my own, watch TV, read books, and have a few, genuine and deep relationships. However, that is not something I can do if I want my dreams to come true. I have to be the person people want me to be so that I can be successful.

We live in a world where networking is everything, especially for a novice entrepreneur like me, who seeks investors. A few years ago, I decided I wanted to create a unique school. I wanted to revolutionize the education system because I believed that the current education system did not teach valuable lessons for us to survive in this world. I had recovered from my past traumas, which were inflicted upon me during my childhood, by my family and teachers at school. The so-called education system didn't equip me with the knowledge necessary to overcome traumas or any other personal issues; it never taught me the way of life. It hurt me deeply when I realized that most of my teenage years were spent in fear of trying out new things, fear of making mistakes, fear of being judged, which were all programmed in me by my family and teachers.

If I were to fix the educational system and make it so that we could minimize the exposure to the toxic environment children face with the current educational system by providing them with a warm and accepting environment, maybe they won't grow up as broken children and will be able to reach their full potential. Maybe they won't have to go through years of healing from childhood trauma, and even if they end up experiencing trauma in their childhood because of their families, they will have people at school to support them. When they reach adulthood, they will have deep connections with many teachers and wonderful memories to look back upon, when they were accepted for who they were, in the school that I am building. That was the idea that initiated the creation of my company; a company that is researching the best way to structure the new educational system.

After letting out a few tired sights, I got up from the bed and changed into my pink comfortable pajamas, did some personal hygiene to get ready for bed. I looked at my reflection in the bathroom’s rectangular mirror; ‘this is not the real me’, I thought to myself as I held back tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I removed my makeup, washed my face, left the bathroom, and went into my small room. I walked towards my dressing table, which was right next to my bathroom door. I pulled my long, silky brown hair into a ponytail. I then switched off the light and got inside my bed. As my head hit the soft pillow, I felt something under my blanket and reached to pull it out. My stuffed animal toy, a small, 6-inch cute orange cat with wide black iris and gold sclera, a cute black nose, and pointed pink ears, was staring at me. I smiled and kissed it “I had a rough day, Ciel," I said in a small sad voice, as a silent tear escaped my eyes. I buried my right side of the face on my soft pillow while facing the large windows and hugged Ciel as tears of loneliness started pouring from my eyes, my lips letting out some sobs.

I don’t exist in anyone’s life, my real, true self is completely hidden. No one knows it's there. Why won't anyone see who I am? How long do I have to keep up appearances? As my heart ached in the wake of these painful thoughts, a cold wind flowed from the open rectangular windows onto my face, gently lifting a few strands of hair that weren't stuck to my face, as the full moon glowed on the sky visible from my large windows, it's light falling on my face, being the light in my dark world. The bed shook in unison with my sobbing, shaking body. As I felt myself drowning in the darkness of despair and loneliness, memories of my childhood started clouding my mind.

“You shouldn’t be shy; you should fix yourself or no one would want to be with you.”

“Adelyn is too timid. If she keeps up with this kind of attitude, she will fail.”

“If I were to choose between Adelyn and Tara, I would choose Tara because she is more fun to be with! Adelyn is a bit boring.”

“I tried Ciel, I tried not to be timid, to change and become a better, kinder, and more sincere person. And yet, no one would like to be with me; if anything, everyone started to take advantage of me”, I cried out between my sobs. “Is it too naïve of me to think that someone will eventually see the real me and would want to be with me?”

No one did accept me for who I was, right? No one ever wanted to know who I was, and genuinely be with me. Am I that insignificant in others' eyes? They claimed to be my friends, and yet, they are the reasons behind my insecurities; they were so eager to take advantage of me and stab me in the back after I was of no use to them. Am I always going to be alone?

With my chest filled with agony and pain, I wished, under the beautiful golden moon, to be with someone who loved me for who I am, who saw my flaws and still accepted me as I was, who understood me, and who genuinely wanted to be with me.

As painful memories and thoughts had filled my mind, I felt a dark presence behind me, which I paid no heed to. I felt, after a few moments, throbbing pain in my chest; it was becoming very difficult to breathe. I slowly opened my tearful eyes, a few sobs escaping my lips, and pulled Ciel from my chest, whom I had hugged tightly. With the moonlight sipping from the windows and making my very dark room slightly illuminated, with my eyelashes soaked in tears, I saw Ciel's tiny body covered in scarlet, a hole on its chest.

Blood? From where?

As my once crying eyes came to a halt, clearing my blurry vision, a surprised expression transpired on my face.

I felt drowsy. I slowly, with my face still buried on my now-soaked pillow, gazed towards my chest where the pain was coming from. My eyes were greeted by a beautiful shining blade pocking from my chest, covered in scarlet blood, giving off the circular sky-decorating golden jewel’s reflection on its edge.

Am I going to die?

I slowly lift my head back, while gradually being consumed by the darkness. I see then, on my glass windows, the reflection of a very beautiful moon, a lot more beautiful than usual, smiling at me. I close my puffy red eyes and gave in to the tempting darkness with a small smile on my face.

I am finally free.

******************************************************************************

A very soft air is waving on my face, like a melody to my ears; I can feel the feather-like grass beneath me. The faint smell of lavender and other variety of flowers that I do not recognize is very pleasing, tickling my nose. I could hear birds singing, I wondered why they were so happy today.

Where am I?

I slowly open my eyes, everything is blurry and pink, and very bright. After beating my eyelids for a few moments, I was left in awe at the magical scenery in front of me: a majestic, pink cherry blossom danced to the sound of the wind blowing, shedding its petals on my body. The sun shone brightly above it as its golden rays peeked through the tree’s branches.

So beautiful.

I sat up, trying to understand where I was. I died, right? Does that mean I’m in paradise? I brushed off the emerald grass stuck to my dress as I stood up, ready to explore this wonderful place. I noticed I was wearing a white and orange off-shoulder dress, where the upper edge of the sleeves and neck were the covered with white frills, and my three-quarter sleeves were white and slightly puffy. A brown belt was around my waist and aided the attached orange flare skirt to flow gracefully. Orange frills were at the hem of my dress, which reached right above my ankles. My golden round earrings, heart pendant necklace, and golden bangles that I wore on each hand complimented my dress. I wore orange ballerinas, and my hair was tied up to a ponytail with my fringes framing my face. I have always wanted to dress this way, but I never got the chance to do so. I can finally express myself with my clothing, I smiled as the thought of being myself crossed my mind. I feel so free and peaceful.

I was engrossed by the beauties of my surroundings: I was in a garden with silky green grass populated with colorful flowers, whose scents were merged and diffused all over through the pleasant wind; cherry blossom petals flying all over. I instinctively started to walk around, with my eyes wide and full of wonders, my mind ready to explore and experience new feelings.

Footsteps. Is there someone besides me in this world? As the sound of footsteps tapping on the freshly cut grass got closer to me, putting an end to my daze, I started to look around, slight fear and worry clouding my heart. What kind of person am I going to meet? Are they going to like me?

The footsteps stopped, and I felt a very intense presence a meter behind me. Surprisingly, my once anxious and fearful heart calmed down, was at peace, and a very strange but pleasing feeling that I didn't recognize overwhelmed my pounding heart. I slowly turned around, and I was met with two beautiful blue orbs staring at me. As a gazed into these deep blue eyes with surprise and awe, I felt as though I knew this person, as though I understand him; I felt an indescribable deep connection with those kind and gentle eyes, and I finally understood the pleasing feeling I had felt before.

As we stared at each other’s eyes, the wind blowing my hair and my dress, and the cherry blossom petals flying at the wind's beat, I said, with my heart filled with happiness and peace, “I’m home”.