Marriage is Overrated

The floor was glitter. Or so it seemed to Carrie. Granted, her vision was blurry through all those tears. Her dress was light. White as the snow she longed for. Everything in her room had a bright aura surrounding it. Yet she felt miserable, her heart was sunken deep in her chest, unable to absorb the light. She was sitting on her bed and thinking back to the events of that day. How she was proposed to five times and three times out of those five she had to crush her lover's hope for a life together with her. 

It all started that morning when John showed up at her door five hours early for the Christmas party her family was throwing that day. 

“John! What are you doing here so early? Couldn’t keep away from me, huh?” Carrie smiled teasingly but was quick to frown when she saw the serious expression on John’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Carrie…I thought about this for some time, and it is time I act like a man and get it over with. I truly love you and... “

“I love you too but why-“

“I want you to marry me!” 

Well, that was unexpected. 

He didn’t go down on his knees, nor did he bring out a box from his pocket. That’s why Carrie thought he must be joking, so she burst out in laughter. “Damn John, I didn’t expect a prank on Christmas Eve! And you looked so serious!! You got me good. Have you thought about going into acting?”

Only after she saw that John wasn’t joining her and that his face was bright red, redder than a police light, did she stop laughing and realizing that after all, John was not pranking her. He actually proposed! And she laughed at him! Carrie felt her joyfulness evaporate. Embarrassment and fear were slowly making their way to extinguish her Christmas Spirit. 

“John, I-, I- …. I will see you at the party!” With that she closed the door behind her, leaving John dumbfounded and stone-faced outside. In the safety of the house, Carrie felt horrible for what she had done. Her boyfriend was proposing, and she laughed in his face. But he surprised her. Yes, she hated herself for doing this to someone who clearly loved her, though as hard as Carrie tried to feel remorse, she couldn’t. Even if she wouldn’t have seen that as a joke, she most likely would have still denied him. 

That evening she would get the chance to properly reject his offer.

They’ve been together only two years, since sophomore year. And still, Carrie couldn’t see herself marrying him. In fact, she couldn’t see herself marrying at all. Not with her John, not with John Travolta, not with anyone. She wasn’t going to be a “wife.” She was going to graduate from college first. Then make a living, a name for herself. Move out from her parent’s house. She was going to be happy, healthy. And she had no intention, none whatsoever, of her happiness and wellbeing to depend on a man. Not yet at least. John was going to understand. He will forget today's incident, and everything will get back to normal. Christmas makes some people crazy. Carrie went on with her day, as usual, getting ready for the party and not giving the hasty proposal another thought. 

Only when John appeared at her door for the second time that day, did she begin to worry. But when Carrie opened the door, nothing about John’s mood could divulge what happened here just a few hours earlier. He was happy. After he put down the presents he brought, he took Carrie in his arms, laid a kiss on her lips and one on each of her cheeks. Maybe the proposal this morning was a prank after all, and John just played the part too well. 

All was good until dinner. Gathered around the table where John, Carrie, her parent, her brother, Uncle Bart and Aunt Patricia, and of course Marissa, Carrie’s best friend, was there too. 

They were chatting happily away, eating the delicious food prepared by Carrie’s mom. John was sitting adjacent to Carrie. He had a grave expression on his face and was moving his jaw in circular motions as if trying to unclench it. Or rather, as if trying to prepare for a battle he knew he had no chance of winning. Carrie touched his arm, worried that he was mad about that morning. That’s when he stood up. 

“Carrie, in front of all your family I will make my offer known once more. This morning you surprised me, denying my offer. You had to be in shock, surely that’s why you closed the door in my face. Or I thought you had to think it over but as I still haven’t got my answer here it is again: Marry me, Carrie! I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to, after all, you love me, don’t you?” He said this all in one breath and even though it was hard to follow him, everybody around the table understood what he said. Carrie’s mom wanted to say something but Carrie was quicker than her. 

“No, John! I love you. You know I do. But it’s too soon. You know my plans very well and you know I can’t marry yet. Why are you torturing me like this?!”

His face was glassy like crystal. Carrie knew him so well and she knew he was hurting. Hasty to change the subject, before anyone had something else to say about the proposal, she started opening up presents. She took the big red box that sparkled in her eyes and hoped that the content of the package would draw everyone’s attention away from her now probably ruined love life. In the box, there was another smaller box, and another and another until Carrie reached the last one. She opened it with sweat running down her spine. Inside, as she feared since she opened the second-to-smallest box, was an engagement ring. 

“Marry me, Carrie. I know I can make you happy.” As he said this, John got down on one knee and pleaded to Carrie with his eyes.

She’d just shut down the proposal and here it was again! The ring was shining bright, mocking her. John obviously thought Carry would say yes. That made her furious. She never expressed her desire to get married. Was she just supposed to be an obedient girl and accept? At that moment something clicked inside her. She had the right to make her own decisions. And she didn’t care if John would cry or suffer or beg her for forgiveness. 

“Don’t you see, John? I don’t want YOU to make me happy! I want to experience life by myself, not to depend on you and have my life tied to yours. We are still young and if you can’t wait for me, then maybe we should end this.” With these words, she ran for her room, seven pairs of eyes following her. 

On the stairwell, Marissa caught up with her. 

“I need to be alone, Marissa.”

“I know. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to marry him.” She smiled brightly trying to make Carrie’s tears go away. “I will always be here for you. Marry me instead, my fair lady Carrie, and you will be happy and I won’t make you cook or clean but you’ll be free as a bird.” 

“For real, a fourth proposal?”

“Fourth time’s the charm,” Marissa smirked. She was always making fun of every situation. “I’m kidding! I will talk to John, beat some sense into him. But promise me you won’t drown yourself in your tears.”

“I’ll try.” 

Back in her room, Carrie sat down on her bed trying to keep her tears from running down her cheeks and failing.

Getting proposed to three times in a day. Well four, if you counted Marissa’s sad attempt of making her laugh. And what a day it was! Christmas Eve, a day of joy and happiness, of presents and sweet carols sung around the fire. A day when Carrie had to break the heart of her high school sweetheart. She hoped dearly that John would forgive her, for it was not her intention to break his heart. But she simply couldn’t keep lying to him anymore. Carrie's future didn’t involve him. At least not at the moment. 

She was lost deep in her thoughts when her little brother came in. 

“Mom sent me up to tell you that John is gone.” 

Carrie nodded. She was still shaking too much to be able to face up to her family. Women were supposed to accept when someone proposed to them. That was her father’s philosophy, and Carrie knew that well enough. Her mother married him when she was only 17. She didn’t go to college, didn’t have a career. Carrie was having none of it. Times were changing. Women were gaining more power. 

“Right, let’s go then.”

Carrie headed for the door when her brother's small voice whispered: “Carrie, will you marry me?”

“ADAM, I’m your sister. What the heck was gotten into you?”

His eyes seemed big, blue holes in his skull. “I know. I just want you to refuse me. You know, I have a crush on this girl at school, and she’s just like you. Determined to work one day and not be a house-wife.” Now his eyes glimmered with love and hope. “If I will one day ask her to marry me, I fear she will say ‘no’. So I figured, since you’re so good at breaking hearts, you could prepare me for when my lovely Amanda will break mine.”

Carrie was baffled for a moment. When she finally found her words, she told her brother: “You are silly. Well, if you want your heart broken then listen to this: I will not marry you, not now, not ever. Because you have no place in my brightly lit future, where I plan to become a renowned doctor. So leave now and maybe I’ll have pity on you and when I get my M.D and you’ll be old and sick, I’ll take you on as my patient and tend to your weak body.”

“You are brutal, Carrie. But is it true? Do you want to be a doctor? You never told us anything about that.”

“Yes, I do want that. But I was afraid to tell mom and dad because you know they are so traditional and I am scared of how they’ll react. But now that they’ve seen I don’t plan to marry, maybe it’s time to share my dreams with them.” She sighed. “Listen, Adam. Don’t pressure Amanda into marriage. Be by her side and support her. You are still young. Sixteen is such an exciting age. Wait and see where this goes. There is more to life than love and marriage.”

Adam seemed satisfied enough with this answer and left her room.

Although Carrie was tired, she still wanted to be with her family and tell them all about her aspirations of being a doctor. She hoped they’d understand. It was Christmas Eve after all and it was just about time for a Christmas miracle.

Heart beating fast, she headed for the dining room.