Rolling my shoulders painfully whilst the tension cracked like popcorn in a pan. The pressure was on. I needed to make it to the end, or I’d just be a sore loser, I needed to beat him to stand out. I wanted fame‘n’publicity; I craved for it. My thoughts bounced back as if it were a tennis play out, with 0-5. The grip I had on the metal bar was penetrable and understanding. Being tied down was not the best of options but I had to grab his fist and haul him over with enough strength to please the judges. This is my big break.

With a sharp hiss and huff, I stepped out of the room. Remembering the fun days, when money was not the matter and just trying to fit in was the main goal. That was the time when I got my big break, the big stand off basically. I was warned yet I ventured on. Focusing my mind and throwing away the thoughts, I whizzed past the morning hustlers down the winding cobbled street. They had their snotty noses up against a large packet of sweets‘n’treats; all dey’ do is break der’ teeth and then ya’ get them wires in yous’ mouth. The pavement was tearing apart yet what did these youngsters do, kick it in, garbage it and sludge it. This wasn’t a pavement, it was a large bin, in fact the whole world is. The amount they're wasting on this stuff is atrocious, when I was a young lad we were THE MEN! Real people that kept their heads up and not down at one of those bright screens, no. We also used our ears very well and didn’t stick anything in there, how rude! We don’t ignore yous lot so why sh‘d you ignore us?

I clung tight onto my freckled face as my ginger hair waved about on my face, the tiny wisps waved franticly for help, my grey eyes stood out. I was an unusual boy in my days, but I still clung on for my appearance. I looked after myself, I mean I go to the gym at least 3 times a week. My frosty, numb fingers curled around each other, trying to steal each other warmth and comfort places.

Looking around suspiciously, I entered the small, narrow alleyway, not one creeper was there well except for the starved mice, chipped bins and the odd bits of cigars and cans‘n’bags; ya know what I mean, that white stuff yous’ lot get high on. Why do you put it up your nose? Kids will never learn to eat properly, the door was battered inwards and I had to pull at the branches and greenery to enter. This place was kept guard. Limping inside, I rest my hand in the peeling, creased wallpaper, it wanted to leave; everyone did since the incident. The smell of death and alcohol stung my throat as my eyes stung to the rhythm of the cold air. The carpet was stained but as I entered, I could remember how much of a grand place this was. To you, you’d see discarded furniture and thrashed seats. But in my eyes I saw rows of neat seats and the big ring in the middle. On the side i could see Janice and Frank cheering me on. My eyes glittered at the sight, then the chance came.

Walking forward I pulled the chair outwards from the imperfect line and held my heart in my hands to stop it from jumping off. Tom put his hand on my shoulder, gripping it tightly as he tried to turn me around, but I double crossed him and pulled his arm over. I threw him over my shoulder with enough impact that his brain spammed for a second. But undoubtedly he stood up suddenly. Punching me in the nose, it bled painfully as Janice looked over at me anxiously. She stood next to the railing, pointing downwards to say she wanted to go, I didn’t listen to her, instead I shouted across the room, “1 minute, I’m just busy, a bit, just wait!” I was annoyed, how could she be so impatient, turning around. A large hand met my cheek and slapped it unmercifully. I fling to the ground. It was happening again, I was being bullied. Flash backs of getting pushed around by the older kids came into my mind and how they treated us differently from the rest. Also how my adoptive parents would hurt me, and how I couldn’t open the windows or remove the black sheets from the windows. I wanted to see the plane too, I hadn’t seen one but I wanted to see what it would look like. But mother said they’d get us, there was no such things as monsters but mama said I mustn’t be scared, why should I be scared of someone that isn’t even real? I though of it as a fun game. I wanted to smell the smoke but instead they gave us these stupid masks that made my face go even more smaller around my cheeks and large at the head. It was like there was too much oxygen in my head instead of my lungs. I didn't understand one bit.

I couldn’t hear anything except the mocking of Janice; “My, my, what a difference between the two of you!”, “She’s so pretty though but I guess she would have been better off with you, she’s such a lower-classed person, and look at those cheap clothes, oi Janice I could give ya all ya want, name the price!”

Anger danced nakedly on my face, it was an expression I wore well. Clenching my fists, I couldn't resist punching him on his face, he needed a teaching or two. Seething in pain, I could not take it, I was going to burst. Punching him on his jaw and head he knocked out, the craving jumped out of me, looking over at Janice in realisation, she just walked away. She extended her hand towards Sam and they both walked off. She left, she left me... Humiliation splashed across my sore eyes.

The fury and rage was too much for me to stand on the spot. Bubbling I had grabbed the cold metal bar and swung it over my head until I had destroyed every inch of the place, everyone coward away and fled. This monster came over me, it was the spark of jealousy and anger. Claws formed and purity leaking out, I sat hopelessly on the floor, hugging myself to sleep.

Rising up from the chair, I chuckled half-heartedly and lunged towards the old photo frame, picking it up, I could see a picture of Janice and me, Well a ‘user and discarder’ and ‘the old me’. Pulling the photo out i pocketed it and saw myself out, You’d think that at 38 years I would have sorted myself out a job and lived with a family, no, I couldn’t. I had to do nothing because girls like Janice don’t want love, all they want is the money. And you can’t always get the full package can yous lot. and you can’t change a lady, especially a moody one. I am fine with myself. A relationship need time and attention, I haven’t got all of that.

Till then I’ll wait, wait for love, wait for a hand, wait for hope, wait for opportunities. I’ll wait for a lot of stuff but in particular, I’ll always wait for Janice. Always... Unless she changes her ways.

October 17, 2019 21:25

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RBE | Illustration — We made a writing app for you | 2023-02

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