The Verdict

He was waiting.

He knew he had to wait for everything to be over.

Neal Havershem was sitting on a comfortable chair staring at the wall unfocused. He wanted to smoke a cigarette and swirl the agony away like the smoke. But he had no cigarette and deep down he knew that the pain was never going to leave him. Ever. It was swallowing him day by day, even though everybody said that everything would be okay. He felt like drowning. It was like he knew he had to swim and save himself, but he did not want him to be saved. He just wanted the agony to end. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head until it touched the wall behind him. It was dark and empty for a moment and everything that happened started to replay right in front of him.

Lexie Hudson, just got off from the subway and started walking in a hurry looking at her phone. A guy running towards the subway bumped into her hard and held her when she was going to fall.

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry!"

She looked at him and saw an attractive smile. He had deep blue eyes, and they made her stunned for a moment.

"I was gonna catch the train but it just left anyway. You're okay?"

"Um..yeah, thanks"

"Thank god. I was worried if I broke your arm or something." He smiled.

"No, it's okay... I'm fine. I just gotta go" She smiled back and hurried away.

There stood Neal looking at her hurrying away; and in his hand, he had her bracelet.

Later that night, Neal jumped onto his bed and started to memorize the incident.

'Wavy blonde hair... Innocent smile.. Looked professional though.. She was cute..'

He turned away and looked at his nightstand. The bracelet was there. He took it and started to examine it well.

'Looks like real white gold, not some cheap stuff..'

He crawled into the sheets. He could not forget her. Even though it was just for a moment she looked at him, she kept popping into his head all over the day.

'Innocent eyes, bright like stars though.. No, her smile was innocent.. and eyes too.. What the hell Neal? She was just a victim of yours. Forget it'

He woke up in the morning with puffy eyes and his hair disheveled, reached the nightstand to take the glass of water. What he saw first was the bracelet. She popped into his head like a flash. He drank the water and shook his head, forcing away the sudden urge to see her again.

'You're gonna get caught, you moron'

He was mumbling to himself looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Since it was a Saturday and he had nothing to do, he took the newspaper and went to the balcony. He did not get the chance even to look at the newspaper when he heard his door opening.

"Hey, you up? I brought caffeine"

It was his friend Miles. He used to visit Neal every Saturday.

"You're on the balcony, aren't you?"

He came to the balcony with two coffee cups. He sat in front of him and looked at his face carefully.

"You're silent!"

Miles bit his lip.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but with the look in your face, I can definitely say it's related to that LADIES' bracelet on your nightstand."

"You just walked into my apartment and saw the bracelet too??? God! You're a creep." Neal was kind of embarrassed.

"Oh you know me dude, I have a third eye to see everything" He laughed and had a sip of coffee.

"What's wrong?"

Neal sighed. He was battling inside with the urge to see the girl again.

"Okay! Long story short, you know how I got that bracelet, and the thing is I can't stop thinking about that girl. This has never happened. You know I never look back at my victims and never think about them, right??? But this girl!"

"Damn! Maybe you should return it back? Saying you found it and guessed that it might be hers?" Miles was laughing.

"Maybe I should."

"Wait , WHAT???"

"I just wanna talk to her. And see what happens."

"You wanna get caught??? OMG ! I just can't believe you."

Neal had a concerned look in his face. He had no idea why he was willing to take a risk of being caught, just to see her and talk to her once again. He went to the subway and stood near the stairs where he can observe the people well. He was nervous and he felt his heart pounding. He wished to see her again while deep down he wished not to see her. It was a strange feeling. Couple of minutes later he saw the train arriving. But since it was a Saturday he was not so sure if he could see her there.

He observed the people carefully and suddenly noticed the face he was eagerly waiting to see. She was wearing a black dress with a short grey jacket. Her blonde hair was waving when she walked, just as when he first saw her. He released a deep sigh and walked towards her.

"Hey, remember me?" He took the guts and talked to her.

"Uh..yeah.. You're the one who_" She looked puzzled, but it seemed that she remembered who he was.

"Yeah, Sorry about that." Neal cut her in.

"I was hoping that I could see you today and I just wanted to give this to you. I found it hanging in my shirt sleeve right after you left in a hurry. I believe it’s yours???"

He showed her the bracelet in his hand. Her eyes brightened and a relief crossed through her face.

"Oh my god! Thank you SO MUCH!!!! I thought I lost it and I was worried like hell." She was relieved but had tears in her eyes. "My grandma gave this to me right before she died. She wore this until then."

Neal felt guilty. But he was careful not show it.

"Thank you so much again."

"Neal Havershem" He held his hand.

"Lexie _ Lexie Hudson" She shook his hand.

"Wanna join me for a coffee? I mean only if you're free." He asked her. The more she talked , the more Neal got attracted to her. 

"Um_ yeah, sure, I'm just going home and I'd like some caffeine too." She smiled.

They both started walking, but none of them talked. They entered The Jitters, a small but a cozy comfortable cafe. Sitting in the corner, she started talking first.

"So Neal..."

She paused for a second, looking directly into his charming eyes.

"You said you found my bracelet hanging in your shirt sleeve right???"

"Yeah, it must have been slipped from your arm when we bumped into each other." He felt a little suspicion of what she was asking, but he managed it well.

"You know, the funny thing is my bracelet never slips from my arm. Its lock fits so well as sometimes even I can't unlock it easily." She was staring right into his eyes without even blinking.

"What's your point?" Neal felt his heart pounding but he kept staring into her eyes just like her.

"I'm trying to understand what happened too. Maybe you could help me. You bumped into me and you even held me when I was gonna fall. But you had no time to unlock the bracelet."

Neal smiled still staring at her eyes. He knew this was not going to end well.

"Unless........... unless you're well trained to these kind of stuff.." She kept talking.

"But why return it???" She did not take her eyes away from him at least for a second. He knew he had no chance to ignore her look. He decided to confess.

"Fine, I guess I've to accept the facts that you know what happened. Yeah, I did steal it. I'm a con man."

She kept looking at him with a slight smile. "Why return it though???"

"That's something I'm trying to find out too, I mean this is the first time I've ever done this."

Neal opened his eyes. It felt so real. He just re-lived the moment how he met Lexie. He could not believe what was happening. He realized that waiting was the only thing he could do. He wanted the agony gone. He closed his eyes again, thinking about THE most horrible moment of his life.

Lexie was so happy when he proposed. They were holding hands and Lexie was looking at the ring, shining in the broad daylight.

"Look how it's shining! I can't be happier Neal. I just can't wait to start my new life with you."

Neal smiled and admired her happiness. He was thinking about the way she changed his whole life. She made a good man out of a con man.

"Neal, LOOK!!!"

She pointed towards flower shop on the other side of the road. She let go of Neal's hand and started running towards it. He tried to hold her hand back but he was too late.

THUD

"LEXIEEEEEEEEEEEE"

She was lying on the ground bleeding. A car had smashed into her without mercy. Kneeling beside her Neal tried to wake her up.

"Baby please, wake up... Lexie! Wake up baby, wake up.."

People gathered around them and tried to control Neal. The car driver hurried towards them and patted Neal's shoulder. Without realizing what he was doing, Neal stood up angrily and punched him in the face. With an unexpected punch, the car driver fell backwards and hit his head on the car bonnet thoroughly. That was all he remembered and everything that happened afterwards was like a blurred dream.

"Neal Havershem!"

He opened his eyes.

"The jury is ready to declare the verdict."

He was taken to the courtroom. The jury was ready to declare if Neal was guilty for the death of the car driver. Although the most uncomfortable waiting was over, he realized that it was not the verdict he was waiting for. He no longer had the desire to hear the verdict. Whatever the verdict was, he knew he would never be the same again. He was waiting for his own death, for his agony to end.