I Found It

11:11. It popped up on my phone screen as I looked down to a text tone in hopes it was him. Of course it wasn't him. But it is 11:11, I have to make a wish. That was an easy one: what I wanted...or rather, who I wanted. Is that allowed with wishes? Or maybe I should ask for a sign to my wish. 11:11 was a sign, but how could it be a sign for what I really wanted if I hadn't asked for a sign yet. And so I took a deep breath and thought to myself:

Oh universe. If he is going

to text me, please, please give me a clear and definite sign of another 11:11

within the next hour. Thank you in advance.

I realized I had my hands tightly gripping the steering wheel,

not being able to close my eyes to ask in the case that I didn't really want to

risk my life because of a wishful thought. In the next hour I asked, but how

would I know? As I drove I tried not to think about it when my phone dinged

again. Not him.

Wanna talk? It was my

best friend. Oh good, a distraction.

I called her, hoping as I was distracted by my words, my eyes

would linger and set sight on a sign if it was really meant to be.

"Hows the drive?"

"Good. I am getting antsy though."

"Why?"

"Well, I am on my way back to the city where he

lives-- I didn't like saying his name-- and I am getting all emotional again.

It's like that whole thing, out of sight, out of mind. Well in this case, I was

fine being out of town because I had no reason to text him, but now I do

because I will be within the same city limits of him again."

"I didn't know you were still thinking of him." She

said. Oh boy, was I. I didn't tell my best friend of 22 years that I was still

thinking about him everyday because it sounded crazy. Yes, we had ended things

and yes, we were never in a committed relationship, but it didn't mean I didn't

care for him still and that we didn't have something. 6 months hanging out

and being vulnerable and hanging out for 12 plus consecutive hours was not

nothing. In thought, I looked down at my GPS and it said 1 hour and 11 minutes

to go. My heart skipped a beat. Wait, was that a sign? It couldn’t have been,

it was three ones, not four. Did that matter? Ugh, that’s confusing, but I was

going to take it as not a sign. I asked for 1111 and so 1111 was what would

prove me that all of my feelings and reactions were not false.

“I mean I do. I am getting better though. As in I was better on vacation, but now I am not. This long drive in my own thoughts probably doesn’t help.”

“When was the last time you all talked?” She asked. I knew exactly how long. Four weeks on Friday, and it was Wednesday.

“A few weeks, I don’t really know.”

“That is good though. Getting easier I am sure, and soon enough you won’t even care about him you will be so busy back at work.” I rolled my eyes knowing she couldn’t see. What a good friend she was, but that was not true. Not true at all. He was on my mind constantly, even on vacation, but with a little distraction. Being back, driving by where we used to hang out and passing his place on the way to work everyday, that was not going to help make it easier nor make me care any less than I did now.

“Yeah, hopefully you are right. I am almost home thankfully.”

“How many more miles?” I looked down at the mileage on the GPS. 111 miles to go. What the…

“What?” She asked hearing a small hiccup in my breath as I was about to answer. Could that be a sign? I mean I asked for 1111 but sometimes 111 means the same thing as 1111, right? Aren’t they synonymous really? I shook my head. No, no. It was not four ones and I asked for a clear sign. That was not a clear sign. Either one of them.

“Nothing. I have about 100 miles to go.” I give a slight laugh to cover up my own emotional discrepancy.  

“What are you doing?” I ask her, continuing to try and distract myself from my own mind games.

“Well, I am headed to Summersides11. It is a bar my friends are at but I am late. I was supposed to meet at 11.”

“Oh, wow. Why are you late?”

“My dog wouldn’t go poop and I feel bad leaving her alone for that long. You know me.” She laughed and I agreed. It was now 11:22 so she was late.

“You will just have to play catch up.”

“You know it. Well, I am here so I have to go but drive safe and text me when you make it home!” She said and we hung up.

I want to go to a bar with friends. But after my drive, I knew I would be taking a nap when I got home. I hated early mornings and got on the road at 6 in the morning. Not my cup of tea.

Atleast the drive was pretty. The green grass, mountains and blue sky surrounding me as I drive though the rolling hills of Tennessee made it a pleasant one. I look up at the billboard and my mouth gapes open.

Need a lawyer? Call us today. 1-800-111-1111.

Wait. Was that my sign? Or was that a coincidence? Was it actually 1111 or was it consider seven ones? I cursed at myself. I looked down at my phone. No text. I mean, I didn’t expect him to text in that exact moment, but was that a sign or not? If it was, what did that mean? Was the universe confused? Did I mess up by asking for a sign after making a wish on another universally known sign? I rolled my eyes… I guess I would have to wait and see.