HERE WITHOUT YOU

I caress my guitar in my arms as I watch the golden sun slowly set on the horizon, kissing this part of the earth goodnight. The beauty of this scenery reminds me of nothing but the awesomeness and beauty of Nada. I wonder how I let a little fame get the best of me which led to her leaving me.

I can still remember the day we had the fight. She claimed that I changed, obviously she was right, but I felt she didn’t understand me, I was blinded by pride.

After I released an Afro pop song and got media attention in the city of Jos, the way friends, family and people around saw me became different. They began to have expectations that I felt I had to meet up to or they won’t see me with much value. I started keeping late nights, drinking and smoking became a regular habit, I became snobbish and arrogant, I was hurting the people who loved and cared for me the most and was pleasing the ones who only loved me because I was grabbing all media attention.

I started writing and singing songs about the happenings around, the good, the bad, and the ugly but I wasn’t getting the attention I felt I deserve so I switched and started writing and singing to popular trends and became very vulgar with my choice of words and it was working, it was exactly what the street wanted. This was the genesis of the problem between Nada and I.

“Why have you suddenly changed?” She asked me, after listening to my recording session for my upcoming extended play in the studio.

“Changed? I don’t understand you? What do you mean?” I replied.

“Why are you trying to become like the rest? You used to sing songs that give hope to many people out there, they use to see you as a hero, and I see you as that too, but it so happens that my hero is becoming to fail me.”

“Nada, you know what sells in the market now, people have problems and they always will have problems, plus no one wants to get reminded of their problems. This people just want something to dance to and that’s exactly what am trying to make them do with my songs”

“What's happening to you Leo?”

“Nothing's happening to me my love. I thought you said you will always support me. Or are you jealous that am in the spotlight and not you?”

That came out wrong. Disappointment was the new facial expression she put on.

“I will always support you on what is right. Then you have to choose between what is right and what is wrong, when you are no longer in the spotlight, what will you be remembered for? Will you be remembered as someone who inspired a whole new generation or the one who corrupted a whole new one? But till you decide, we are done for now”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Until I find the man I fell in love with. Yes”

I messed up I said to myself. This used to be a our rendezvous, we will climb up to the hills at Mado Tourist Village and view Tudun Wada from the top, lots of houses built on stony foundations, so many with rusted zinc roofs giving the town a color of dark maroon from the top.

My big day is tomorrow, I made it to the finals of the Nigerian Idol talent hunt. This stage will be different I promised myself. This time I will just be who I am and sing from my heart as I have done from the beginning, even if they don’t get to like it and I don’t get to win at least I would be pleased knowing I have done something that I wanted to do.

I had one more look at the sun as it’s almost out of sight and let my fingers stroke the strings of my guitar gently as I let the lyrics come naturally. I thought about Nada and started…

“Beautiful sunset, beautiful dream
Golden view, it’s a sad song
Darling it’s cold out here
I wish that you could hear me
The dream is getting scary
Without you”

“Wow! This is amazing Leo. I haven’t heard you sing this great in a while” Dalyop praised. “This will make a perfect song for the finals bro”

“Will it really matter; she won’t be there to hear it anyway”

“Nada is mad at you but she loves you. Be reassured that she will come”

***

Am the next to step on stage, am so nervous and I haven’t seen Nada anywhere yet.

The host called me onto the stage. I walked to the middle nervously.

I grabbed the microphone and spoke timidly “The song I will be singing is one I composed for the girl who has always believed in me from the start my love Nada. And I know she’s somewhere listening. And I will you the opportunity to say am sorry”

“Beautiful sunset, beautiful dream
Golden view, it’s a sad song

Darling it’s cold out here
I wish you could hear me
The dream is getting scary
Without you
Please come back don’t leave me lonely
Without you its cold, come back and hold me
I admit am wrong and truly am sorry
The dream is getting scary without you

Like the sun, you are gone for now
But I know I’ll see you again
I know you’ll take away the pain
Sorrow may keep me company for the night
But joy comes in the morning
Without you the earth is boring
Oh no no

Darling it’s cold out here
I wish that you could hear me
The dream is getting scary
Without you
Please come back don’t leave me lonely
Without you it’s cold, come back and hold me
I admit am wrong and truly am sorry
The dream is getting scary without you

The sun is gone so I’ll sing my tune to the moon
And hope that you could hear me on the other side”

I closed my eyes while singing those lines; it was my way of connecting with the song total. I was in a different realm. A realm where time stopped and it was just me and Nada. I couldn’t believe the expression on the people’s face. They loved it and the judges look stunned.

That song was enough to push me to the next and final round. The judges all gave their verdict on the song, the female judge even wished she was my lucky one.

The final round came and I could see the suspense and excitement on their faces, they really can’t wait to hear me sing. I said to myself, I won’t lose focus again, I will let the lyrics flow naturally as I have always done. Three dancers dressed in all white with their nose and mouth concealed came on stage to grace the final song. Then I started….

“I see boys and girls walk in pairs
On the cold street of Tudun Wada
I don’t know if I can face my fears
The fears of losing you Nada

Two months gone, Leicester won
My heart beats on, for you, for you
Two new songs, it feels wrong
Am still singing, for you, for you

Call me and tell me you miss me
Loving you is but a mystery
With your flaws we still can make history, like that
Am broken please come and fix me
Loving me is but a mystery
With my flaws we still can make history, like that

Am here without you, how can I live without you
You know am living for you, my love
Am longing for you, it feels void without you
You know am living for you, my love”

One of the dancer grabbed me by the hand and I followed the routine in addition we did a little salsa. When the beat stopped, the applause came and out of nowhere the dancer grabbed me and kissed me in front of this crowd, on national TV. I wanted to pull myself away however it felt good, I can recall the taste of these lips.

“Nada!”

“I didn’t think I will let you finish this on cold feet did you?”

I pulled her closer and buried my head in hers and let our lips lock in tranquility.