What Really Matters

What Really Matters

By Heather Ann Martinez

"It doesn't count if you are already planning your defeat, Jonah."

"It should still count for something. At least you aren't running away from your destiny this time."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about the whale or Nineveh."

"That's all in the past now but your journey is not over. It doesn't have to end like this. You have so much potential. We all know it. We were there at your birth and we will be there at your death and all the time in between. We know you Jonah. We were assigned to you. We know this life has not been an easy one. You are so mild mannered and you don't have a shred of hate in you."

The angels stood towering over Jonah. They reminded him over and again that his past mistakes did not define him. They encouraged him to continue running the race that lay before him. Jonah struggled with fear and avoided every possible confrontation. It wasn't just that he didn't want to displease the host of heaven, he also didn't want to look foolish to his brothers and sisters living on the earth. Jonah knew the angels would come and talk with him. He knew they would remind him he is a good person and cares a lot about pleasing people. He would often stray from his responsibilities because talking with other people also frightened him. He would have preferred to be a hermit living in total isolation on a remote island. He would have said he was the last book bound on the bookshelf. He would tell anyone he met he had been forgotten.

Jonah would have liked to be forgotten but he never was. He was remembered. There wasn't a day in his life that went by that he wasn't thought of or prayed for or wanted. He often questioned that. He wrestled with it even though he was given very specific directions on all that was going to come. He wasn't confident about signing on the dotted line. How could he be? Life was scary. Life wasn't always easy to navigate or understand. He really didn't want to suffer any longer and he wanted others to experience freedom from all of their pain. He thought that by going away, humanity would be better off without him. The angels reminded him that he was created for a purpose. It wasn't in his nature to give up but Jonah was already thinking about defeat. In his mind, he had already failed.

What he failed at was realizing how special he was. He was not a cast off mistake. He was not what the Potter recycled after molding Jonah's brothers and sisters. He was just as important as the ones who were there at the start. Like all of his brothers and sisters after the Fall, he doubted himself. He doubted his abilities. He also lost sight of the Potter's beating heart that gave him breath. The Potter was not about to let him go no matter how much Jonah thought he was unworthy of that love.

The Potter wanted Jonah to know what really matter. It is easy to say that your career or lack thereof defines you. The Potter is more concerned about your heart about how you loved. Did you give what you could to your brothers and sisters that dwelt the earth as you have? Did you hear that crying baby? Did you feed the poor or ignore those that asked you for a place to stay for the night? Were you an answer to a question?

As the angels talked, Jonah sat looking up at them sheepishly. He knew they were speaking the truth, but he really didn't know what to do with it. He didn't think there would be a positive outcome. He didn't expect there to be one. While he believed the Potter had a place at the dining table for him in the afterlife, Jonah didn't think he should have that seat. He often told the Potter to give that seat to someone else. The Potter wouldn't listen to him. The Potter told Jonah that chair had his name on it. The food that would be served waited for him when the time was right. Jonah was loved no matter how much he thought he couldn't be. It did not matter how many times he turned away. What mattered was that he came back.

Jonah came back from thoughts of defeat, from fear that held him, from his own inner civil war. It is not always what we want to do. Getting up in the morning and setting out to follow the Potter's ways are not always the most popular. It wasn't as if everyone on earth heard the Potter's voice or had conversations with their guardian angels as Jonah often did. Yet, he still struggled. He was able to have a deep sense of the Potter's presence, yet he still struggled with trusting the Potter wholeheartedly. Jonah could and would tell you in his defense that he rationalized that he only thought the Potter was speaking to him. He thought he was too unimportant to believe the Potter would take the time to be part of his life. Jonah, like many of his brothers and sisters, thinks very little of himself. He often lost sight of the Potter's attention to the details. Every hair on Jonah's head was counted. Every freckled was clearly placed on his face. Nothing in Jonah's life had gone unnoticed.

The challenges that Jonah would face in the future would also be recognized. There was nothing but hope that the angels brought in their words. They were the light at the end of Jonah's self-inflicted chaos. He appreciated their visits. He knew what he was called to do no matter the risk. He was coming towards the end of this life. He knew what waited for him on the other side of death's door. He knew he had to bypass fear and doubt who kept calling him to fail. They promised him honor in his failure to help some of his brothers and sisters.

The angels gave Jonah hope not only for himself but also for the brothers and sisters in Nineveh whom Jonah would soon visit. Jonah abandoned his inner civil war. He set out to follow the Potter and allowed himself to take his rightful place as the clay.