The summer that lingers on our minds.

Flashback to our lives many years ago, our mixed emotions and different feelings on the summer of 1989. We were married by then and really felt excitement and joy to think that we would be able to see my parents in States. We were eager and curious for our first trip to another country. Then comes another feelings of fear and fright, knowing that this travel isn't for a holiday ,after mom told us that dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on his big intestine. It sent me goosebumps and shivers ,scared of losing a dad who gave us everything a child ever wants with their unconditional love. It's another feeling filled with terror and somehow transfixed with fright having this experience for the first time of our lives.

Every little thing bothered another sister who was denied on her visa in which we never knew the reason why. We had the desire of travelling together and our intense desire of having our family complete where my parents are. It wasn't what we expected to hear from the US consul that interviewed her but we couldn't do anything but pity . Our aspiration was our intense desire to be in one plane with 3 of us preparing for a trip that none of us have ever dreamed of. If only everything went well as planned then our family would be reunited even for daddy's last days of his life. All I know is that my sister Connie felt like the world was conspiring against her.

As inspiring as it seems, both me and my other sister, Mariedes flew together , not looking back at one sister who just wished us luck, and wanting us to kiss everyone,waving us goodbye and a happy and safe trip. She always reminds us to tell dad and mom, how much she wanted to be in this travel.

Wow... the flight was long and tiring.Travelling from Cebu to Manila then waited for hours till our trip for Japan. Got off at Narita international airport and waited hours again for JFK international airport in New York. It seems unreal . Exhausted and tired but felt a sigh of relief when we heard that we are almost at our destination. There we we saw dads pale and sickly figure as we stepped down from the plane. Seeing him and mom, together with 3 of my other siblings who migrated with them I can't hide my tears the moment I stepped on the grounds ,since it wasn't like dad that I knew. He lost so much weight and knew that he was wearing a suspenders for his pants,not wanting the pants to slide off. He no longer resembles what he was before since people say how cool my father was with his styles and neatly tailored suits with matching ties, ironed shirts that goes with extravagant brands , and wearing shiny shoes . His attires makes him unique cos he goes with matching pants and shirts that usually has the same color for his shirt and socks, that he wears for the day.His almost hairless bald head makes me more sad. A cap that he wore, trying to hide his bald scalp.

We were a family once more even with my other sister who was left behind. Dined in a classy restaurant with lobsters and steaks for dinner made me remember those younger years .Then headed to a grocery store, filled carts with foods ,meats, fruits and chips that I've eaten for the very first time. I had so many first times on that and will never be forgotten.

Then came dads schedule for chemotherapy, blood test ,laboratory and medical exams which me and Mariedes took turns guiding and holding him so my mom and other siblings be able to work.

At first I felt eager to accompany dad, the sooner he starts the better so he would get well. Dad felt sluggish, more weak and sick. It didn't turn out for the better because things took a thing for the worse. This made us mad in some ways since what we had on our mind is getting the best medications and being treated by the best physicians in the world. All we ever wanted was wanting to fix everything for dad because we had hope and having a dad sick with cancer that i thought would be cured . My brother would take some time researching on this but never knew what to expect. I sometimes hear from friends and telling me that it's not the cancer that's scary but the chemotherpy and the aftermath on this. I noticed that dad had a persistent dry cough and that's how everything started. We would see him throwing up, and hated seeing him that way. His skin got paler and saw some black spots on some parts of his body. Then came his fever and the difficulties of talking to us and letting us know what he wants and what he feels at the moment using some sign language. It's the chemo that really kills, the medicines were so strong either one can make it or not .And too sad, dad never made it.

It may sound painful but happy to be able to take care of a person we truly love, be able to talk to him and letting him know how precious he is to us, his children. . Taking what seems to be the longest train ride from New Jersey where my family lives to get down in a Manhattan hospital and walking on streets,, avenues and parks, where dad was admitted. The dark nights of travelling, frightened to have on that train homeless street guys with eyes that stares on us. The unholy hours being in a subway station scares us a lot, wanting to get home and sleep, then back again on the next day. Dads last hours while holding his hands, seeing his tears fall down and all of us in tears for his last breath. We assured him that we will remain as a family and to walk in peace .

After his death , be there to support mom being alone on lonely nights after dad passed away. Our family and friends ralied around throughout dads ordeal. I don't know if this is insensitive to those who have lost someone, but we had good times enjoying happy moments with them, just like when we were kids way back in our native land, the Philippines. We had the best moments, the best conversation and the best laughs before dads final journey. There's so much to be happy about and even shares funny stories and incidents to each one of us when it was only one of us who watched on him at the hospital.

That summer had been so great despite the pain and sadness we felt, and still we think and talk about it as years go by, everytime my siblings comes home for their vacation. It's a memory that we all will cherish, maybe until we get to be with them when our time comes. It was the best times of our lives, the summer that we will always treasure forever.