Dinner

A combination of smells teased his nose: freshly baked bread mixed with the aroma of mushrooms and onions sautéing on the stove. From outside, a hint of smoke drifted inside, bringing with it the flavor of the steak being charred on the barbeque. It had been a long time since a family meal had been prepared within these walls –some might argue it had been too long since they had come together as a family. The smells nearly made Nick forget the reasons why they had not gotten together in nearly a decade.  But Father was dying, and the old man wanted one more meal with his children around him and the sounds of his grandchildren laughing in the background.

Tonight Nick had come alone. Another night, he might have brought his girlfriend with him. She had tried to convince him to let her tag along. But no. No, he just couldn’t let her endure a meal with his family, not with how the last one ended. He didn’t want his dear brother and sisters to explain in detail how he was to blame for their last family dinner being a disaster. He didn’t want to have to admit to her in front of them that they were right. Damn, he hated that they were right. He ground his molars together before taking a deep breath through his nose. He had been lingering just inside the front door for too long. His brother would send their sister Jamie after him, knowing she was the only one among them he’d might actually listen to.

Nick straightened his shoulder and stepped away from the door as his fingers tightened around the bag of wine he had brought with him. Bringing the wine had been a mistake, he knew, but saying no to his own father somehow seemed worse. Besides, dear old Father wanted to share with his children their mother’s favorite Pinot Gris, and Nick alone seemed to be the only one who remembered the right brand. His siblings had always ignored their mother’s interests. He had harsh words to describe their utter indifference but tonight, for the sake of the old man, he’d leave those insults unspoken.

The familiar voices of his siblings guided him from the foyer to the kitchen. For once, not one of them spoke in a raised voice. For once, they seemed to get along. He’d see how long that would last now that he had arrived. His family seemed to get along better without him around. He should have taken that job on the other side of the country when he had the chance. Sam would have followed him, and then he would not have had to attend this family dinner. He would not have had the urge to wonder how much blood would be spilled this time.

As he stepped around the final wall that separated him from his family, he glanced from one end of the kitchen to the other, his eyes stopping briefly on each of them. Jamie the failed peacekeeper, Dawn the diva, their dear father, and finally Brian the martyr. Across the room stood his brothers-in-law, his sister-in-law –and Sam. Nick blinked. His girlfriend was supposed to be left out, the e-mails between them all had said as much –at least the ones from Brian had. They weren’t married, so Sam should have just stayed home.

“You’re late,” his brother snarled. “We’ve been waiting for your sorry ass to get here for at least an hour.”

“I’m right on time,” Nick shot back as Sam stepped away from the counter to join him.

“Enough,” their father scolded. “One of you help your brother with the wine.”

Jamie broke away from Dawn’s side to take the bag. “Did you have to buy this many bottles?” his sister asked. “We’ll never drink it all.”

Nick tried to give his sister a smile. “Dad can save it for later.”

“He won’t touch it, and you know it.”

“He might change his mind,” he told his sister as she took the bag to the wine cooler. He turned to Sam, smiling. “You shouldn’t have come,” he whispered.

“I hear your father wouldn’t take no for answer,” Sam told him quietly. “Not even saying I had already started making my own dinner worked. Dawn and her husband picked me up on their way over.”

“Bastard,” he muttered under his breath as he guided his girlfriend back into the kitchen.

Around him, the conversation continued as it had before he had even arrived. The only indication that his family even knew had arrived was Brian glaring at him from the kitchen sink. Oh his dear brother knew how to make him feel welcome. Nick thanked whatever deity was out there that he and his brother hadn’t crossed paths since that night. He felt another insult at the tip of his tongue; if he didn’t bite his lips the words would escape. He grimaced as he turned away –better the one insult than what had happened that night all those years ago. It had been the last time they had all been together as a family.

He let the conversation go on without him. Brian wouldn’t want to hear a word he had to say anyway. His brother would find something wrong, he always did. Their father would scold them, again, but nothing the old man said would make Brian stop. It would go on and on until—Nick cursed. He should have gone straight home after work and stayed there. He and Sam could have had a quiet dinner at their apartment, and she wouldn’t find out how he had destroyed his family. He felt his cheeks warm and his pulse quicken. Sam squeezed his hand but even that didn’t help.

“When was the last time someone checked the steaks?” he demanded as he pulled his fingers from his girlfriend’s hand.

Nick marched to the sliding glass door, opening it enough to squeeze outside. His eyes drifted to the backyard as he walked across the deck. Not one of his father’s many grandchildren ran across the nicely manicured lawn. Not since they had started having children had none of them come over to play in the yard. What on earth was going on? What were they planning? Or had the kids refused to come over when they heard their crazy Uncle Nick was coming over for dinner? He let out a curse. The kids were safer at home with their phones anyway. 

The horror of that day was all his fault, and it had all started pretty much like it had today. He was tired of the hate, tired of the hell it had put everyone through, tired of how the world had changed after that day. And a million times, he had promised to trade whatever he could to go back to the day before –before the world as he knew it had ended.

Like then, he had hoped that by tending the steaks, he could get his mind off the arguments and accusations. But as he stood in front of the barbeque flipping each steak, cutting them to see if they were cooked to everyone’s liking, he mind dwelled on that day, when his anger had turned him into the monster his nieces and nephews thought him to be.

“Oh good God, Nick,” his brother scolded, “don’t take it out on the steaks.”

He lifted his head, turning towards his brother, he raised his hand with the knife in his hand, pointing the tip at that damn martyr who called himself his brother. “Would you rather I blew up the house?” he asked before focused on the steaks again. “I almost did the last time.”

“Shit, Nick, you were seventeen! There hadn’t been a Firestarter in the family for three generations.”

Nick frowned. “I set the deck on fire, Brian. On fire! It killed her. Mom wouldn’t have died that night if I hadn’t caused that fire.”

“The damn fire didn’t kill her, you idiot,” his brother insisted. “Someday we’ll get it through that thick skull of yours that it was the cancer nobody knew she had. It’s not your fault she never went to the doctor. Those steaks look done to me. Let’s bring them to the table, so we can eat.”

“Why on earth are you being so bloody nice to me?”

Brian laughed. “Those nosy sisters of ours were admiring the pearls at the jewelry store when you were buying that engagement ring in your pocket. Dad’s been talking a lot lately on how Mom always hoped she could have witnessed one of her kids getting engaged. After dinner, Jamie’s gonna use her gift to pull Mom over long enough to watch you ask that girl to marry you. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll go back to hating you after it’s done.”

Nick smiled. “I think I can live with that.”

With his brother’s help, Nick piled the steaks onto an empty plate. He followed his brother inside to find the rest of the family had taken their seats at the table. Once each steak was handed out, Nick took a seat next to Sam, kissing her on the cheek as his father encouraged everyone to dig in.