35 comments

Suspense Mystery Horror

“Poor thing, I really pity patients like her.”

“You do?’” He looks around at the woman, she was holding a clipboard with a paper full of check boxes.

“Yeah, she is stuck in that same delusion of hers for years.”

“You really shouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

“Hear? We are seeing her right now in the glass exhibit room.”

“Or see.” He says with a tired sigh as he returns his gaze back at the woman in the faux room, panelled with a one-way glass. A cruel piece of modern technology, he thought. They could see her and she didn’t have any idea. To the patient inside, it was her same old living room. She was sitting on the pale lavender sofa, caressing thin air in her lap and muttering sweet nothings to her child.

Patient number 653, Name, Xiao Qin. In our facility for 4 years, no sign of progress or recovery. Possible cause of trauma. Unable to bear any children and husband leaving. Believes she is taking care of her 7-year-old girl, which she named Jia Jia.

“What do you possibly mean?” The doctor in training turns to face him.

“It’s a lengthy tale.”

“I know it is, people don’t lose their mind this easy. Much less lose it to such an extent.”

“That is not what I meant.”

Next, Patient number 335…



The distant robotic voice from the inbuilt speaker system nudged them to move forward with the little group. 

The woman he talked to was assigned to take care of patient 653 for a span of two days. It would give her a hands-on experience and make her profile even more worthy, after all, it was a third-degree patient, worst of all cases in the institute, some swore.

“Even worse than the head smasher?” Ms Evans joked, as she prepared patient 635’s food.

“Yes, even him and please refrain from using nicknames for our patients. Now, I am, sure you remember your queue. You are her distant relative named Tina and have come to visit her after knowing her husband’s misfortune.”

“Will she buy it?” she asked sceptically

“Ah, don’t worry, she will alright. She is oddly good at that.”

“I guess it has something to do with her condition?’

“Yes, most likely.”

“Alright, I am ready to go in, Thank you Dr Xu.”

Slowly the main security doors open up leading to a small opening area. Beyond, that was a plan wall and a classic wooden door that you could see in any cheap apartment.

She opens the door a little nervous, racking her name for her alias. Perhaps it was the nerves but she couldn’t remember it at all. “Hello! My dear, it’s been so terribly long since we met.”

Ms Xiao stands up with a wide smile, ‘Aunt Mei?!”

Ms Evans smiled and sat down on her sofa. “How are you?” she asked “First, open this up and let’s start to eat.” She said handing over her packed lunch that the hospital cooks prepared as usual.  

“Awe. You didn’t have to.”

The woman had an odd sense of calmness for a mental patient. Even the doctor to be couldn’t bypass that eerie calmness of hers. 

The two-hour passed soon, as she conversated with the insane woman. She shook hands with her daughter Jia Jia, it was awkward for her to have to talk to an empty spot next to the patient, at first but gradually as an hour went by. It was easier than she thought it would be. It came naturally.

“Congrats Ms. Evans, you passed your first shift. Finally, relieved to be out of that insanity?”

“I wouldn’t call that insanity.” She says as she grabs her coat and leaves the building. It was a calm evening outside. It was getting darker; she pulls out her phone from her handbag and dials.

“Hello, it’s me Emily Evans from the CST Institute. Is it too late to know the tale you mentioned earlier?”

She was sitting in his living room, completely different than the make believe one. She sat on a homely brown leather sofa. The place was lit with warm yellow ambience. Mr. Shawn was sitting across her.

“What made you want to hear it now? I fear it might be too gibberish to a doctor’s ears.”

“Just go on. Plus, I am not a proper doctor yet.”

He took a deep breath and sat back, suddenly the warm ambience seemed too dim. “Why not have white lights?”

“I like these better, those are too bright.”

“Hm, I want to know about the whole thing.”

“Well, it might be a surprise to you but I was her neighbour.”

She looked at him lips parted “Oh. Wow.”

“She and her husband lived next to our flat. She was a warm nice lady, still is to be honest. To put it short, her husband left after only 2 years of marriage. I don’t know why but it is definitely not because she couldn’t bear any children. As my flat was just next to hers, we shared walls. Through those thin cheap walls, I could hear his husband console her and at times getting haughty. Telling her they didn’t need a child to complete the family and that he dearly loved her. Would you care for some tea?”

“Ah, no, thank you though. But it’s getting late, I would really like if you finish the story. I really don’t want to miss the last bus.”

“Alrighty then, where was I? Ah yes, her husband left and she continued living in the small apartment. Soon after, she had a kid. A little girl with green eyes and brown flowing hair like her husband’s.”

“How soon was it?”

“Few months I suppose. I don’t know much details. She was always very reserved. It was a coincidence that I got hold of that sight.”

“What sight?” she looked at him questioningly

“You will know, anyways, we saw her child until it was like what? Two? Three months old. After that we never saw it, she broke the news of her new-born’s death and we grieved with her. Although, not once did she let me or the other neighbours in. Nor did we see any relatives go in and out.”

“Sorry to interrupt you but can I still get the tea please? It’s getting pretty chilly.”

“Of course! Let me close the windows too.” He stands up to do so and disappeared into the kitchen. Emily checks the time; it was sharp ten. It was completely dark outside; it was the onset of winter. Suddenly the warm leather felt cold against her skin. She wished she was wearing something warmer but then again, she didn’t plan to be out this late. She thought if she should have just gone home and get done with her shifts with the patient and not pry her nose in. Would that be better, she pondered.

“I am back.” His voice made her jump in surprise. He laughs “Where you that lost in your thoughts, dear?” He puts down the two mugs of tea, the tea bags still in, dangling on the sides like the curtains on the wide window next to them. He had left a peep in the window, through which fresh cool winds flooded the room. “Here you go. Where was I?”

“Thank you so much and again sorry for interrupting you. You said her child died.”

“Ah yes, years passed and we didn’t think much of it. She started ignoring us more and more and had picked up sneaky ways. We would barely see her go in and out. Even when we did, it would be at odd hours like four in the mourning. We just shrugged it off as the depression of all the sudden happenings in her life. Afterall, she lost her whole family or so I thought.” He pauses to sip his tea.

“Are you trying to say her husband was still with her? Or perhaps it was one of those rented babies?”

“No, unfortunately he really did leave. It was 2:09 am and I remember the exact time because I received a call from my friend that woke me up and the first thing, I did was check the time and groaned. He wanted me to drop him off at the airport. So, I got dressed and headed out. When I left my flat, I saw something unusual. The apartment door of Ms. Xiao was open, she was getting some groceries in. They were clearly too heavy for a petite woman like her. In the entrance stood a girl with long wavy brown hair. She was the most beautiful child I had ever seen and I myself am not fond of kids. She was about six or seven maybe. Let’s say after that she let me in on her secret. She had hidden the child for years because she feared her only child would be taken away from her. Seeing her trauma, it wasn’t unbelievable of an excuse.”

“Oh god, so she really did have a kid? What happened? Was she taken away later? Where is she now?” Or perhaps she died? Is that what led to her condition now?” A chill ran down her spine.

“She wasn’t taken away. Only I and her mother knew about her. I tried to convince Ms. Xiao to reveal her to the world and that it was for the best. It took a lot of time but she gradually gave in and prepared to make the big reveal. Although she wanted to get her vaccinations done before that. I thought that would be the best too. So, she heads over to the hospital. In the way her car has an accident and it tumbles over the cliff, the rail was broken then. She managed to pry herself free from the jacked-up car before the fall but before she could get the child out. It falls over.”

“Wait, even so then, they must have found the body. If, that is the case, she did actually have a child and the severity of her insanity isn’t that deep.”

“Please, Ms Evans. Hear everything at first.”

She pressed her lips together and sat back.

“She didn’t disclose the news about her child to the authorities. They could not find any body in the car and she thought it was a sign. At most it must have flowed into the river but as no one knew there was anyone to find. No search was done. The river supplied water to many places and one of those were the CST institution. I used to work there at the time and in the room, she resides now, stayed another patient. It was a regular check up and the patient kept complaining about the air conditioner being broken. Said it was too chilly. It was middle of summer. Although, when I came out of the room and looked into the glass pane, one last time, I caught a glimpse of those same brown locks of hair. I don’t know anymore, if it was the right thing to do but I told her mother as soon as I got home.” Ms. Evans sat straight; her tea untouched. “She begged me to let her in, to do something. On few occasions I would help her slip in the critical care ward and see her daughter through the glass window. It was too risky because of the cameras and I told her it had to stop, firmly. She finally stopped begging me. Two days later, I heard screams and objects breaking in her apartment. As I went out to see, there were other onlookers too. Everyone had come out of their flats on the floor we lived in. Her main door was open and she was on the footsteps, crying and wailing about her child, about how beautiful she was and how she had returned from grave. She only regressed and soon was put into same mental Institute as it was the closest. I knew what to do and moved her in the very room she is now. Now, she can be with her child finally.”

Ms Evans grabbed her coat and purse and stood up. “It’s, all an act….”

October 23, 2020 09:08

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35 comments

Cam Croz
04:43 Oct 28, 2020

overall youve written an interesting unique story! Keep up the good writing! (Also I love your profile pic! Kiri in his disguise!😁🥰)

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S U
19:04 Nov 07, 2020

Thank you, do you find any criticism ?

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Cam Croz
21:49 Nov 07, 2020

hm, I think one thing I noticed is that you rely on conversation to move the story forward, which is fine but you could maybe experiment with other techniques to refine your stories.

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S U
22:31 Nov 07, 2020

Ah yes yes. That's actually a really good point thanks and yes you found it. That's what I relied on in this story a lot. Although as you said. If you check out my new story. It's not heavily based on conversions. Thanks for reading.

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S U
22:35 Nov 07, 2020

Btw, I had a question. When you get the notif. Your story is approved and vidisble to the author it means it's been approved and published for the contest or?....

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Cam Croz
00:21 Nov 08, 2020

yeah when you get that notification it means that others on Reedsy can see your story on the contest it was written in, without clicking directly on your profile. Hope that helps!

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S U
09:03 May 12, 2021

Its so late but i was curious is relying on conversation bad?

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Cam Croz
21:49 Nov 07, 2020

hm, I think one thing I noticed is that you rely on conversation to move the story forward, which is fine but you could maybe experiment with other techniques to refine your stories.

Reply

S U
20:55 Jun 02, 2021

I meant to say, why is relying on conversation bad. I was just curious don;t mean to be rude! In some stories it gives a different style...But yeah i do make sure not to always do it now cause u made me aware of it more haha but like WHY is it bad

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Cam Croz
15:54 Jun 10, 2021

hahaha sorry if i came off as rude at all too 😂. One of the reasons it can be bad is because its hard to develop the plot and keep the story moving and the characters changing and also developing. But of course it can be done! and I think you actually did a pretty good job (rereading the story this was commented on lol) Mostly what I mean by relying on the conversation is that the story can flow better with more actions or internal thoughts/dialogue. Which is something you did pretty well most of the time! All I'm trying to say is that its a...

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S U
20:55 Jun 02, 2021

I meant to say, why is relying on conversation bad. I was just curious don;t mean to be rude! In some stories it gives a different style...But yeah i do make sure not to always do it now cause u made me aware of it more haha but like WHY is it bad

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S U
20:55 Jun 02, 2021

I meant to say, why is relying on conversation bad. I was just curious don;t mean to be rude! In some stories it gives a different style...But yeah i do make sure not to always do it now cause u made me aware of it more haha but like WHY is it bad

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