Indulge Me In, Snow.

CW: suicide

I looked at it, the first snow of this year. Falling down freely as if they have waited for this moment from many years. Dropping themselves on the ground, but still so happy. It was the same cold winter this year, the chilly winds which made people adore laziness and stay back at their homes. But somehow it felt colder to me, I realized it wasn't the snow that made me feel colder, just my own loneliness in this warm home, but not enough warmth that will melt my sadness in my heart. Suddenly, I smiled looking through my glass window, which was now being covered by frost little by little. The plumpy little kids, trying their best in making way through snow covered ground, laughing, throwing snowballs at each other.

"Hey Jonas, see such a big snowball !" One of the kids exclaimed showing his snowball.

"Rein, you will catch a cold, if we play like this. But still....." and Bret, my neighbor's son threw a snowball on the girl's face.

It was all so new environment amidst the grave winter, and the other winters which passed by this street, but children have the nature of enjoying of every other season. But unfortunately I am not a kid anymore, I have to work make my life, easier to live in even though it's get suffocating to live in. It brought me back to my childhood memories, when I used to make a snowman, every winter with my mom and dad.

"Mom and dad let's make a snowman, he will be my bodyguard. I will make the biggest snowman of this town." They used to laugh seeing my confidence, and I just giggled.

I used to scream on anyone who used to touch my sole property, which was just a snowman.

"Don't touch my snowman otherwise he'll come in your dreams and eat you." People used to make fun of me, as I used to give importance to a snowman, who couldn't even talk or be my friend, it made me look weird.

Just a snowman, a non- living thing with no feelings and emotions. Looked kind of scary as it stared on every person which looked at it. But just a snowman, who was filled with our memories. But then I started I hated this winter, when my mom and dad left me back, my mom died when I was 18,

"You are now a grown-up girl, Grace. You should understand mom has to go, as every other person in your life. I am sorry for leaving you so early, for leaving you like that, it's my fault. But you know, my little girl, you will shine bright in future, and mom will be always looking at you with a smile. Remember, your dad needs you, don't let him be sad. You should smile and let mom go."

Then so with that little goodbye she left me, even though I cried hard every night to relieve through my grief, I didn't let my face express the sorrow in front of others, I had kept till now. I struggled without her, but was trying my best, my father looked fine, we were okay but now with more silence and less talks . The very next winter my father moved on with some new lady.

"How could you do this? How could you be so shameless?"

"It isn't my fault, sweetie. Your mother left us."

"Yeah you are right. It's not your fault, it was never yours. It was my mom's fault, she died for a husband who didn't even care about her. Her mistake was to marry you."

" Grace, how dare you to talk to me like that, I am your father."

"Father? But when did you take my responsibility as one. You never asked me how I felt? You never gave a damn about this house when it was ruining it self with our awkwardness. You never gave your love to support me. You never attended any of my programs. You were just busy fun having with your new girlfriend."

He was utter less, I left the house the very next day, even though I was filled with guilt with what behavior I showed to my father, I was not regretful as he was wrong this time. But I didn't felt the necessity to take revenge, I was fine on my own, I was actually happy now. I struggled through out my college, fees, programs and whatnot I had to pay for. I was now living a low- key life, and then I met Aaron, he changed it all my past, my present, my future.

"Aaron, we have to go for our interview, get up lazy head." I said as he hugged, today was a big day for both of us, this was the moment that we had done our hard work for. We had saved our money for. This was the time we were going to establish our business.

" Everything, will be fine right?" My heart beat was going faster with our every step down the big corridor through that big office.

"Of course, you know how charming I am, how can they reject me." I looked at him.

" Okay, lady, chill up. Believe me, Grace. It's our time for happily ever after." I closed my eyes for a second, I wish mom is still smiling brightly upon me.

I just smiled at him, and you know, we made it through. We were over with our hard times, and now we were gonna live up to our dreams. It was last spring, when Aaron

when to L.A. for his business meet,

"For god sake, Aaron, you are CEO of renowned magazine company now, still you are so irresponsible and sleepy head. Wake up, you are late for your flight. "He kissed me hard and asked,

" Won't you miss me?"

"No why will I? Don't come back, I will be so happy." He frowned,

"Oh come on." He broke out with laughter and kissed me, whispered in my ears, I'll not come back but I will love you.

But little did I know, he was going to keep the promise of never coming back, his flight crashed midway, it was time of winter and the rain with hails made it difficult for the pilots to see anything, I didn't even get to say a last goodbye.

The company was going fine, but my new home was so dull. Time passed by but memories were still there.

I went down, when Rein through a snowball at me,

"Sorry Mrs. Grace." she said.

"Oh, love. It's okay." I replied back and threw a snowball at her. The children now ganged up on me and we started playing, I was so happy, that I wished this time would stop forever. Nightfall, children were at home and road was noiseless. I was standing on a weak frozen surface. Tentatively, was moving forward and every inch of the ice was getting thinner, I knew what I was doing, I was meeting my fate. The ice surface broke, as my heart broke. But when I submerged in water, I didn't shout for help, just smiled and wished for a good next life with everyone whom I loved in this life, I was meeting my love.