Portal Potty

Paula slammed some coins down onto the counter. “Sorry,” she said, not meaning to be rude. “But do you have a bathroom?”

The bored man behind the counter glanced from the coins to Paula’s contorting expression. Then he nodded toward the back of the souvenir shop.

Paula bowed in thanks before doing a tight run in that direction.

She found the rickety door opened a crack and pushed through, twisting her body in a way to contain what was surely about to slip out.

Her nose twitched at the sewery stench, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Her hands searched the walls for any sort of switch. She glanced up, confirming there was a fixture there, and tugged a cord that hung from it. Nothing.

No time to panic. Only time to pee.

Her bladder was so full she could almost taste the coffee again. She shouldn’t have had that fourth cup, but this medieval city wasn’t going to sightsee itself.

Paula turned back toward the door, still ajar. Pushing it closed, it didn’t latch. No lock.

Time was up.

Thankfully the stream of light from around the frame dimly lit the cramped space.

The commode was close, so she managed to hold the door in place with one hand and shimmy her jeans down with the other. She gathered her wooly poncho around her waist and hovered over the seat.

She closed her eyes and let her head drop as sweet relief rushed through her.

Phew. That could have been extremely embarrassing, she thought as she searched for signs of paper.

None, ‘course not. Luckily, she carried tissues.

After shimming her jeans back up and readjusting her top, she looked for the flusher, but only noticed another cord hanging over the tank.

Well, if this turns the light on… was her last thought before being sucked into the bowl.

***

Paula jolted awake with a gasp. She patted herself down, thinking surely she’d be soaked. Not only were her clothes dry, they were a lot silkier than before. She looked down at the pale pink nightgown she would never buy herself.

What the?

“Vare you ready, madam?” The pitchy accent and staccato knock at the door startled Paula more than the unfamiliar wardrobe and…where was she?

Her eyes shifted to the silk sheets she now clutched to her chest.

“Madam?”

Her eyes darted around the stark room for an escape route. There was barely enough space for the full bed she huddled on.

A cool breeze fluttered the curtains to her right. The air did little to freshen the odor that still lingered and was now mixed with something sour like sweat. Paula leapt toward the window and fell against the wooden sill. Ouch.

Peering outside, shit. She must be several stories up.

Paula squinted at the street below. It was the same cobblestone alleyway she rushed down in search of any business open this late. But she didn’t recognize the neon red sign that now hummed next to her. The s in Tricksy’s flickered and buzzed. She should really pay more attention to her surroundings, especially in an unfamiliar city.

“Madam.” The knock was desperate now.

Paula scrambled back over the bed to the only other door. A closet. She tossed out the stained pillow, threadbare blanket, and second set of silky sheets. She’d seen movies where this was enough to scale down a building. But would Paula attempt that in…

She looked down at the flimsy gown draped over her tiny frame.

“You’re probably vondering vhere you vare, no?” the voice whispered from the door.

Paula stared at the knob. At least this one had a lock. But could she trust who was behind it? Did they have her clothes?

She dove to the ground and searched under the bed. Clumps of dust tumbled away from her ragged breath.

“I vill explain everything,” the whisper coaxed..

Paula vaulted onto the bed. Her head whipped back and forth like she was tracking a fly.

Something flashed in the corner of her eye. She charged the closet again. She studied the chain that hung from a light fixture in the ceiling. It looked innocent enough.

“Maaaaadam,” the voice cooed. It did not sound innocent.

Paula grasped the textured metal, closed her eyes, and…

BANG, BANG, BA—

The bathroom door rattled.

“Ma’am, are you alright in there?”

Paula opened her eyes.

She concentrated on loosening her stiff arm barricading the door before she realized her other hand was still holding the chain above the tank. She dropped it like a hot coal.

After a few deep breaths, she was composed enough to straighten, hoist her bag over her tense shoulder, crack the door open, and came flushed face to frustrated face with the counter man.

“You’re out of toilet paper,” Paula said as she squirted sanitizer in her hand and tried not to bolt toward the exit.

Back out on the street, Paula looked up. Trick’s glowed in red neon illuminating a notice in one of the windows: Rooms for Rent.

Paula dug around in her bag for the guide book. She flipped to the index and found the page:

Tricksy’s was once one of the largest brothels in the world. The current building is open 24 hours and has 110 rooms for rent, a private nightclub, and a souvenir shop.

Paula pulled her poncho tighter around her shoulders. She considered going back inside and demanding to know why that man let her use that bathroom. Did he know? He had to know. Should she call the police? Did they know? Would they believe her? How many other people…

“Madam?”

“AAHHHHHHHHHH!” Paula flung her bag around and nearly knocked over the old woman behind her. “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry, I…”

The woman kept her hands up in defense. One hand was still holding a package of tissues. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said. “But I think you dropped these.”

Paula cringed an apology and took the tissues. “Thank you, again, so sorry, I’m just so jittery, and…” Paula studied the woman. “Can I ask you something?”

The woman nodded hesitantly. “As long as you keep the bag down.”

Paula chuckled and raised her hands in surrender. She nodded toward Tricksy’s. “Have you ever been in here?”

The woman squinted up at the building and shook her head. “God, no.”

“But have you heard… do you know…” Paula wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of the portal potty.

The woman’s eyes widened as she leaned toward Paula. “I will explain everything,” she whispered.