Barking Up the Wrong Tree

“I’ve wanted this since I was 5!” Noah exclaimed, slamming his book shut.

He couldn’t believe they were having this argument again. Cassie and he had been married for 3 years now. They didn’t fight often, but there was one issue they vehemently disagreed on.

Early in marriage, she had heartlessly crushed his childhood dream.

She refused to let him have a dog.

Noah didn’t want to give up. He was almost optimistic when Cassie had walked into the bedroom that night saying she needed to talk.

At least she was thinking about it.

“You know how much this would mean to me,” Noah calmed his voice. He needed to sound rational to win his wife over.

Cassie stood by the doorframe, her arms crossed. “I just don’t know, honey. How would we take care of it?”

That was a good sign. She’d never asked that before. 

Noah nodded. “Well I can certainly…”

“I mean,” Cassie interrupted, “can I even call it an ‘it’? That almost sounds wrong.”

Noah fidgeted in his armchair. “I get it. You’re nervous. I was too. But when I was 5, we met a guy who had 3 of them. And I played with them all day. It was the best day of my life,” he said with a sigh, looking off into his memories.

“Wait, the best day in your…”

“Beside,” Noah quickly corrected himself, “our wedding day, of course.” 

Saved it. 

“I know they’re fun to play with, honey, but thinking about raising one is just so…I don’t know...scary?” 

Cassie looked more concerned than usual. Had she just had a talk with a dog owner? Noah needed to know that source of her newfound interest, but that could wait. Right now he needed to be reassuring.

“I’ll be right here with you every step of the way, sweetie,” Noah stood and took a couple of steps toward her. “I’ve done research. I’ve read books. I’ve watched countless videos on how to feed them. How to take them to the doctor’s. How to take them for a walk. How to give them a bath. How to....” 

He rattled off a few more of his learned skills, but he had to remind himself to slow down. Contain the excitement. Too eager, and he could blow it.

Cassie shook her head and walked over to the bed. “That’s crazy,” she said as she sat and put a thermometer down on her night stand. “I’m not even that prepared.”

“Well of course, sweetie, you didn’t even want one in the house!” Noah said, almost laughing.

Cassie looked up. “Excuse me? Now you’re blaming it on me?”

“No, of course not. That’s not what I meant. I... you…I mean, you didn’t want one, right?”

“Neither did you.”

“Of course I did! Don’t you remember all the talks we’ve had? That vase you threw at me?”

“That vase I had a spider on it, I told you. And that was different. You can’t just bring up random things like that.”

“How was that any different? I wanted one then, and I want one now.”

“I thought we were on the same page,” Cassie said softly. She looked down. Her eyebrows were more scrunched than usual.

Noah knew to proceed cautiously. He walked over and slowly sat down on the bed next to her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

He had learned to always say, “I’m sorry,” even if he had done nothing wrong. It was the one tip he always gave other men about marriage. 

He put his arm around her shoulder. “This will help bring us closer. Taking care of a life together? Grooming it, raising it - we’d be happy. And we could show it off to the neighbors. Invite them to watch it sometimes. This could be a good thing for everyone.”

Cassie shook her head, a tear starting to crawl down her cheek. “You talk about it so lightly. I don’t know if we’re ready.” She paused. “But I guess...we’re doing this whether we’re ready or not.”

“We are?”

She nodded.

“That’s, um, that’s great, sweetie. I told you, I’ll do everything,” Noah assured her. “I’ll do all the work. You don’t have to worry about a thing. Except maybe all the pooping.” 

“Really? You’ll do everything? Aren’t I just as much a part of this? Do I matter to you?” Cassie’s tear had been engulfed by her quivering lips. Noah knew the quivering lips well. They were a sign that she was about to get really, really angry. He retreated at once.

“Okay, sure, yes, of course you’ll help out. I’m sorry. We can share the poop. We can potty train right away.”

Cassie’s lips stopped quivering. “I think that usually takes at least 2 years. Sometimes more,” she said softly.

“Well if you’re not good at it, sure.” Noah had heard that you can potty train a puppy in 6 months or less. “I’ll just take him outside, he’ll poop out there, and he’ll catch on eventually. Don’t worry. 6 months tops.”

“6 months?”

“Tops.”

Noah noticed he used the male “he” to describe the puppy for the first time. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he would indeed prefer a strong-willed, male dog. 

He hoped Cassie didn’t catch on.

“And what makes you think it’s a ‘he’?”

She caught on.

“Well in my mind it’s always been a ‘he,’ you know?” he said earnestly.

“And you don’t even think about me? I’ve told you I’ve wanted a girl for years, honey. Years.”

Noah was slightly confused. She had never mentioned she wanted a girl dog. Or maybe he just wasn’t listening. That’s possible.

She stood and started to walk out of the room. Noah knew not to go after her. She turned to get one last word in.

“You just never listen, do you?” she said accusingly. Her head down, she turned and left.

Noah shook his head, still swimming in his thoughts. 

What had gone wrong there? It started out so promisingly. He had thought they were on the same page for once.

And what was that about him not listening? He always listened to her. He always listened to her stories and her rants and her complaints.

Sure, sometimes, he can zone out a little bit. He’s often lost in his own world. But he makes up for it with…

Come to think of it, she did say something when she first came into the bedroom.

But he had been reading his childhood journal when she walked in. That’s why he was hyped up on the puppy talk.

The faint smile disappeared from his face as he remembered her walking in with a thermometer.

He hadn’t even noticed. Was she sick? Was she deeply ill and trying to fulfill his lifelong wish before…

That would’ve been so kind of her. He had misjudged their whole conversation.

He stood up and walked to her night stand, ready for the terrible news. A fever? Worse, maybe?

The digital thermometer could tell you the last reading it had. He started to reach for it. He would just push the button...

And he froze.

It wasn’t a thermometer at all. 

On her night stand was a long narrow stick that had just one word shouting at him on its small screen.

“Pregnant.”

Noah looked up, the hairs on his arm starting to tingle.

He shuddered at the thought of it.

He gulped in disbelief.

This was a huge moment. He knew he had to go to his wife immediately.

It might be easier than ever to convince her of a puppy now.

This was a game-changer.

He darted out of the room and after his wife.