The light in the dark

Her-

It's been weeks since I had given the thought to actual look in the mirror. I hardly recognize my own face. Puffy red teary eyes,raw nose and the greasy rats nest I call hair were staring back at me. I just stood there-looking into swollen eyes watching the tears flow.

I've been trying to talk to him. I can't even get a sentence in without him telling me "I can't do this right now". How long can he hold this wall up? He's always let me in. When did these little arguments become so many;when did they become so big?

I just keep thinking of the 8 beautiful years we've been together-unstoppable we are. I know we can fix this... we have to be able to fuckin fix this! We've gotten through everything together. I just.. I just I can't lose him...

I knew he was the one the day we met. I was never one to believe in that sort of thing but when his gorgeous deep blue eyes met mine for the first time.. it was like our souls intertwined. We were inseparably, unstoppable, a force of nature. I'd do anything for us to just be back to "us".

Him-

I never felt I was deserving of real love or that anyone could ever love me. But her? She loves all of me. She's shown me again and again by just being her. she accepts the flaws, the broken pieces, the anger, the hurt, fuckin all of it and you know what? She STILL somehow manages to see through and get through that wall I put up. She's the only one that I truly love with every part of me. She's the only one that I let in.

She's the light in the dark in my world. I never thought I'd believe in soulmates but on god She's mine. I have to make this right.

I'm so God damn angry at myself for letting this happen to us, letting it go this far. She keeps trying to talk to me but I keep pushing her away because I'm ashamed of myself.

I've hardly even looked in her direction. How can I look at her knowing I'm the reason she's like this? I can hear her sobbing all hours of the night until she cries herself to sleep, it fuckin kills me.

How can I look at her with her broken heart written all over her beautiful face and face her? How can I face the only person who's ever gave a fuck about me after I've made her feel like she isn't worth my time when she's everything to me!

I'm going to fix this for us. For her. we always said we're a team, we'll get through this even if I have have to tear down my own fuckin walls and fight all my demons to get back to us!

Her-

I decided to get out of bed today. I'm putting makeup on and doing my hair; I just want look better than I feel.

I decided on our one of our favorites for dinner; steak and loaded baked potatoes. It's taking everything in me to hold this lump in my throat so I'm not a puddle if he decides to join me..

Him-

I can smell her delicious cooking a mile away and I can hear her sweet humming whenever shes cooking. I'm so glad she's going to eat. I'll definitely be joining her. I'd do anything for her, for us to fix this space between us. I miss her in my arms. "My sweet baby, I'm so sorry." I whisper to myself.

Her-

I knock lightly "dinner is on the table.." I tell him in a very quiet voice through the closed door.

To my surprise he comes out before I've made it out of the hallway. He joins me on the same love seat. I have to swallow back the lump in my throat to the mere fact that I miss his touch so much; I long for him as I always have.

Him-

"This is it, don't fuck this up; she's the light in my dark world" I tell myself over and over in my head. I've hardly spoke to her in weeks so I need to get this right. "Wow babe, this looks great! Thank you" I said as I sat down next to her. "My god She's beautiful. I'm such an asshole" I'm saying in my head as I take a bite of this amazing steak she always perfects. My hands are shaking and my mind is racing as I look for the next words.

Her-

My heart felt like it skipped when he spoke to me so warmly. "You're welcome, I hope...I hope you like it" I said quietly barely getting it out without breaking down. We sat and ate quietly for what felt like a century. After we finished we both sat back watching our show.

"Babe look at me, I'm sorry, come here baby, I'm here" he says to me almost whispering wrapping me tightly in his arms. Im uncontrollably crying clinging to him now as my soul felt his for the first time since we've been in this patch. This is the hardest we've been in. We never get like this.

Him-

"I've got you baby, I've got you, I'm so sorry baby" I keep whispering over and over to her trying my best to not cry but not succeeding. "I'm so- sorry- too baby- I just.. I just- want us back- I'm so- sorry baby" she says to me through her sobbing. It's absolutely crushing me. "shh shh it's okay, Let's stop all of this okay? All those little things don't matter baby, what matters is you and me-us. No fights could ever tear me from you okay? I'm not going anywhere babe, I promise" I say to her from the deepest part of me, I mean every word. I've missed her in my arms so fuckin much.

Her-

"I was so scared you were gonna leave me, you were so cold to me, I just wanted us to be okay! I was falling apart, I don't want to lose you" I manage to get completely out while I'm still crying. "I would never leave you baby, I promise you I won't leave. Look at me, we're soul mates babe, your hand in mine, right baby nothing can break us. I'm so sorry I made you feel like you were losing me. I was cold because I felt like a piece of shit for letting us get like this, I seen how much you hurt every day. it killed me watching you break more and more. I didn't know how to face you.. you're the only one I love, the only one that gives a damn about me, loves me for me. I had no courage to face you, my strong beautiful wife that lights up my dark world, I just didn't know where to start. But I'm here now baby. I promise to do everything in my power to communicate like we always have, I never want to lose you. I missed you so much in my arms. I'm so sorry, I love you" he says to me completely pouring his heart out crying, holding me tight to his chest.

Him-

I'm holding her so tight, "I'll never let this happen again, shes the love of my life, she will never feel like this again, I swear it" I promise myself.

"I love you so much baby, this is all I wanted. It's like we had forgotten in all the little built up petty fights to continue to communicate;I hated it so much. I felt so far away from you, it was destroying me. I'm so sorry too. I promise you too to do everything I can for us to always be us, to never let us get spaced like this again. I don't ever want to feel this void between us again, I love you so fuckin much". She says to me squeezing me with her whole little petite self. We layed there holding each other for the rest of the night; savoring each other. Taking in every moment. Every bit of our love. Every bit of us.

2 years later

Her-

We're laying on the couch together wrapped around each other, cuddling, watching our shows. "I love you" he says to me as he kisses my forehead. "I love you too babe" I say as I close my eyes and take in the moment.

I fall more in love with him every day. What we went through made us stronger. Our souls long for each other, they always will. Us touching again... the feeling we felt.. electric intertwining of our souls grabbing each other, it's unlike anything we've ever felt. It reminded us of our love, our strength, and who we are together. We are meant, we are one, we are us.