Does it matter?

Henry found it particularly difficult to fall asleep tonight, the thought of his workday tomorrow haunted him all weekend. Now it was Sunday evening and he was lying in his bed next to his wife Bethanie who, unusually, was not snoring this night. He knew he had a meeting at work tomorrow with the entire top floor. Henry didn't want to think about it anymore, he rolled towards his wife until he felt his breath come up against her body. He suddenly felt so warm and wrapped up as if he was a child again in bed with his parents after having a nightmare and coming to them. On top of that, he also started to control his breathing, as he always did as soon as he started to panic at work. This time, however, the occasion of his special breathing was more comfort than fear. 

The next thing he could remember was the ringing of his alarm clock at 6:30 a.m. His body felt as if he had run several marathons the day before and it took him a little more than 5 minutes to even take the first step out of his bed. Henry made his way down the stairs from his bedroom to the first floor and went to his kitchen. He was grateful to his wife that there were no dirty dishes, because he knew that if he lived alone, the kitchen would be in a much worse condition. Like every morning, he prepared eggs with toast and butter before sitting down at his table. Both his wife and his son always insisted on sitting in the same place at dinner as the day before, Henry didn't care so much, but he had to give up his chosen place every time. Only in the morning, when he was the first to get up, he could sit on the seat he wanted. Looking out the window he didn't see much except for the outline of the tree that stood in his backyard, it was still relatively dark outside, so like every winter after dinner Henry waited another 20 minutes until the sun really rose and he could leave. On his way out he looked at his cell phone, the next bus was coming in 7 minutes enough time to read the interesting articles of the newspaper he had brought with him at the bus stop. As the bus approached him he saw the driver looking at him, he had often seen the bus driver wave to people before they got on, but that day he was standing alone at the bus stop. The bus always took between 14 and 17 minutes and then stopped at the bus stop right in front of the building where Henry worked. As he got off the bus he looked up to see if he could see the top of the building, most days like this one you couldn't see the top. Henry took the elevator and rode it to the 23rd floor, due to the advanced technology in his company's building, it took no more than 30 seconds. The elevator door opened and in front of him the daily chaos took place, employees rushing lost through the rooms, colleagues greeting each other, the smell of bacon and eggs. Since some had a small kitchen in their office, it often came to smell like this at traditional meal times. and, of course, the noise of many conversations going on all over the floor at once. Henry always had the advantage at the time that his colleagues would not stop him as they did everyone else. Looking down with his head

he walked in the direction of his office, repeatedly avoiding those who did not notice him. Once there, he closed the door behind him, after request to his boss, his office had one unlike the others. The smell of food that he had just so intensely in his nose disappeared instantly as soon as he entered the room. He sat down at his desk and looked at the photo of his son, his wife and himself, it was the only thing in his office that could be counted as decoration, otherwise there were only folders, paper clips, paper and other work utensils. some time later, engrossed in his work, a knock on his office jolted him out of his focus. He directly felt his hands getting a little damp before he invited his guest in with a slightly higher pitched voice than normal. Standing before him was a young woman he had not seen before. She reminded him of the girlfriend he had as a teenager, shoulder length hair, slightly darker skin tone with that strong demeanor that he himself would love to have. Even as she entered she began to speak, but as she cast her eyes over Henry she thought she had knocked on the wrong room before taking a step back and closing the door behind her. A little more time passed and Henry was reminded by his alarm clock on his cell phone that his lunch break was now beginning. 

After the break, he had to go to the meeting that kept him awake yesterday. He arrived first in the room and sat at the end farthest from the screen and the door. He watched as one person after another came in each one sat down to the seat that was vacant and farthest from Henry himself until the last one came to sit down next to him, you could tell how disappointed he was. The meeting proceeded like any other. Henry's department boss showed everyone a few charts and asked for their opinions. "Thanks for listening, and one more thing, don't end up like Henry," my boss said at the end. The whole room looked back at him, a few laughed while others just looked at him with pity. Henry felt his cheeks turn red and his head felt hotter. He wanted to get up and leave, but that would only draw more attention to him. It wasn't long before the laughter and stares stopped and everyone left the room one by one. Henry remained seated for a bit to make sure he didn't run into anyone again on his way out. 

Once back in his office, he glanced again at the photo on his desk before continuing with his work. A third time today he was pulled out of his focus, this time again his alarm clock on his phone, it was closing time and the day was finally over. After he took the elevator back down all the floors and was almost at the exit of the building, someone grabbed his shoulder from behind and pulled him back a little. " Hey Henry, heard about the party " his boss said to Henry. He looked at his boss for a few moments, not quite realizing what was happening. " We are all going to Brad's now, can you maybe stay late today instead of him, he just forgot he was on late duty today and already left". "Today is my birthday I have planned with my wife" said Henry "Oh no you just thought maybe I ask you to come to the celebration, just look at your outfit don't be silly”.

His sentence was not yet finished, but he could not get another word out because of laughter. Instead, he tapped Henry on his shoulder once more and walked towards the exit, where Henry didn't hear his laughter until he left the building. He reached into his pocket and took out his cell phone to dial his wife's number. "Hey honey, I can't make it to the office, there's a job that only I can do and it can't wait until tomorrow, I'm sorry". Before he got an answer, Henry hung up and got into the elevator for the third time. 

He barely caught the 21:43 bus and rode it home. Once he arrived, he found his wife on the sofa with a wine glass in her hand. " Tim is already asleep, he had a long day at school " she said as she got up and went to the refrigerator. She took out a chocolate cake with a candle on it and put it on the table between us. "Happy birthday" she said while giving a kiss on the cheek before disappearing up the stairs to our bedroom. Henry blew out the candle and put the cake back in the fridge, then he took a little note and wrote "I had a stomach ache and wasn't hungry" on it and put it next to the fridge. He himself went up the stairs afterwards, but not to go to the bedroom, but to his study. He sat down at his desk and took a pad with a pen from a drawer and began to write.

" Dear Bethanie, Dear Tim....

He left the note on his desk and reached into his drawer again, this time taking out a gun. He remembered when he bought it he and Bethanie had just moved in, Tim was only three and we heard about break-ins near our house so they decided to get a gun. If he had known then what he would do with it in the future he certainly would not have made that decision. He was always surprised by the weight of the gun when he took it in his hand, but he felt strong as soon as he held it. He raised his hand with the gun in it closer to his head until it made contact with his skin a few inches below his chin. As he took his last breaths he didn't think about his son or his wife he thought about his boss and all the other employees in his company. He thought about how much guilt they would all have once he finally pulled this off, would they cry, would they come to his funeral? Would there even be a funeral? A few seconds before, he was sure that he would not live anymore. he didn't quite know why he didn't do it. Now he took a coin out of his pocket and looked at it for some time before throwing it into the air. As the coin was still in the air Henry had hoped it would land on tails. He knew what he wanted to do now so without looking on which side the coin actually landed he made up his mind. He put his gun back in his drawer, stood up and went to the door. He opened it quietly so as not to wake anyone and went down the stairs. Henry grabbed his keys and left his house. He didn't quite know what to do now, but he knew he should go to Brad's party first. All the way, Henry didn't feel his body at all, he just took his thoughts with him. 

was all about his boss and everyone else at Brad's party. Once he arrived he thought about how he used to get along so well with his colleagues, he couldn't remember if they hated him from one day to the next or if it all happened slowly over months. Hours passed while he waited outside on a bench a few feet away from the house until his boss finally came through the door. His walking style was quite different from the one he always faced in the office, with each step he put his hands in front of him as if he expected to fall down and wanted to catch himself. In the dark Henry could only belatedly make out the bottle of whiskey in his hand and his car keys in the other. Henry followed him to his car and just before his boss got in he greeted him. Henry tried as best he could to mimic his boss's gait and posture before asking him if he could get a ride since he needed a place to sleep. His boss didn't answer his question, but Henry got into the car and his boss either didn't notice or didn't care. The ride over Henry noticed how surprisingly well he could drive despite his condition, the whiskey bottle he had jammed on his lap under the steering wheel. His boss suddenly pulled into a driveway, stopped and got out of the car, Henry following him. After opening his front door, his boss finally approached him about what Henry wanted from him. He thought again briefly about all the bad moments his boss was guilty of today and started to take the posture he saw today with the young woman who came into his office. "What are you doing here Henry, don't make an ass of yourself, I don't know why you are here but I honestly don't care what you are doing go home you wanker" his boss said to him. Henry tried to get out the words he had thought about on the way here, but nothing more than an unidentifiable stutter came out. His boss kept laughing at him until he was sitting on the floor laughing. This went on for a few minutes until he suddenly stood up again and got very close to Henry. "You know, I kind of feel sorry for you, kid," he said before Henry punched him in the face. He didn't know how he did it, but his boss was sitting on the ground again, this time with his hand on his jaw, without laughing. Henry came closer and punched again. His previously so confident and cocky boss now looked like a scared little kitten looking at a dog. "Please don't" he said again and again, but this only motivated Henry to strike again. The previous two times he hit the jaw, this time directly on his teeth. The sensation of hitting teeth was much more painful than Henry had expected, but it was not. Physical pain was nothing compared to the mental satisfaction he felt at that moment. His boss stopped looking scared and just lay on the ground with both arms outstretched to Henry while he pulled them back every now and then to point at his neck. Henry now saw how much he was twitching and also that his head was getting redder. He looked at his teeth and realized he was missing several, he must have knocked them out. It had been ages since Henry felt like a winner, he looked up into the air and briefly closed his eyes to sink even more into this wonderful moment. When he opened them again he saw his boss still lying in the same place as before. Now both arms were no longer in the air but on the ground. Henry's breath stopped for a moment, so he began to practice his technique again while taking slow, silent steps toward his boss. He bent down in front of him and looked him in the face. His eyes were still open and rimmed with blood, his mouth was open and blood was flowing out continuously. Finally he put his fingers on his neck and felt no pulse. 

He couldn't take the grin off his face. He got back up and jumped out over the door frame, followed with a few more jumps in the air all the way home. 

He stopped at his front door for a few moments before finally opening it and stepping inside. "Bethanie, Tim" he called up the stairs. At first nothing happened, but when he repeated the names a few more times, they came down the stairs side by side with contorted faces. When Bethanie looked at him she started to run to him, "Oh my God, what happened, are you okay? "Yes Bethanie, I've never been better, I have a surprise for you for my birthday. I know it's late but could you please do me a favor and take me for a walk, that would mean the world to me right now. "Bethanie hesitated for a while but then took her son by the hand and went out with him after they put on a jacket. Henry walked behind his wife and his and told them about his night. "My boss asked me today ......"

Bethanie looked at Henry without saying a word Henry could see her lips trembling but she tried not to cry in front of Tim. She took a few steps back as I walked behind them. and whispered to me in the ear we would regulate everything tomorrow but Tim had to go to bed now it would be too cold out here.

The next morning Henry woke up to the sound of his alarm clock as usual, but he just turned it off and slept a little longer. A few hours later he found himself at the breakfast table, it was already late, but Bethanie and Tim both seemed to be oversleeping, which had never happened to Bethanie before. Henry finished his breakfast as he did every day before taking the gun next to him in his hand and looking at it for a few moments.