Words Into Memories

Tuesday, 14th April 2015

I am writing in this diary because my teacher told me to and she said I can tell it what the bullies are like so I decided to do that. I do not know what the point of doing this is but if my teacher said it there must be some point to it.

I am glad it is the evening because that means I get more than 12 hours until I see the bullies again. I have also finished my homework so I can write in this for as long as I want to. But this reminds me of Alicia who also kept a diary and that makes me sad because I will never see her again. She made sure the bullies were not too bad and that was nice.

This diary makes me feel very silly because the bullies will still hit me and push me and make sure nobody played with me at lunchtime. And now Alicia has left they can do whatever they like because I am too scared to tell them to stop. I wish somebody could tell me what to do.

I hate the bullies a lot. I wish they would go away. I do not remember what actually made them bully me and hate me and make everyone else hate me, but Alicia told me it was because they were jealous of how smart I was. I think I am very smart and my teachers think that too. I am glad because that means even though I might not have friends I have a mind which can read through problems and people.

I can't wait to go to high school. I hope nobody I know will join my high school. I can’t wait to get out of this school because maybe people won’t hate me anymore.

Tuesday, 15th January 2019

I feel so happy that I could cry. I feel that I have finally found somebody who will actually understand me.  It wasn’t in the best of circumstances and I did make her cry so that makes me feel really bad but I still feel so happy. It’s taken me my whole life just to find somebody who will see me for who I am and for them to see me right back. How lucky do I get?

I never knew that people like that existed. I didn’t know that me being sad and denying it to the world could have such a consequence on a person. Making somebody cry is bad but what happens when they cry over you?  Where does that leave us?

I just hope that I have made a promise that won’t be broken.

Thursday, 13th June 2024

I listened to the invigilator carefully even though I knew what they were going to say. This was A-Level physics, paper two, the last exam I would have to do before I would be finally free. I went over all the content in my head: the strong nuclear force was the force that kept the protons and neutrons bound together in the nucleus, it acted over a range of around three femtometres, it kept the nucleus stable, it was the strongest force in the universe. I twiddled my green fountain pen between my fingers, looking at the familiar yet distant faces around me listening to the invigilator, wondering who I might never see again.

One and a half hours. Starting now.

I looked over the paper before opening my pen, digesting the questions, recalling the information from my head and annotating the long-answer questions with facts and figures. I allowed myself a small smile because all of this were facts that I had gone over thousands of times. I smiled because I knew that the all-nighters, the pages of notes and practice questions and hours of memorisation was worth it. I finally understood that this was worth the struggle.

I finished the paper half an hour early, but I only checked for ten minutes. I spent the rest of the time looking at everyone, observing the things I hadn’t noticed before and the things I wished I got to say to people. I know that after this my life will never be the same and I really want more time here but I’ve got much more than I deserve. My life has changed completely here and I am so grateful for that.

I’d better get an A* on this.

Thursday, 15th August 2024

With a trembling hand, I opened the envelope and took out the results card.

Four A stars.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Finally. Finally.

Saturday, 25th December 2032

I took her hand and grinned widely. The lights around us were almost magical. Everything about Paris was magical, if you looked a little closer. I looked around at the adults and children, marvelling the beautiful views from the boat. And they were magical as well. The strange realisation that everyone around me had a life story worth telling, a scar they couldn’t explain, things that nobody except themselves knew. It struck me that everyone was so different yet we all found this beautiful.

I felt like I was at home.

The moon shone brightly above us, its glistening moonlight painting the sky around it an eerie shade of silver. I don’t know why the moon seemed so beautiful today. It has always intrigued me but today I noticed it a bit more. It was a clear night, so the stars and constellations were clear, dotting the sky with little points of light.

She followed my gaze to the sky. “Which one do you like the most?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be able to choose. They are all so beautiful.”

“Let’s go there. Together.” She smiled, pointing to each of the points of light in awe.

“In a warp drive?” I grinned foolishly.

“Nah. Wormhole.”

We both laughed. I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures of the landscape. Paris was beautiful. Paris is beautiful. The lights, the monuments, the vibe… everything. Everything.

I turned to look at her. “Hey, look at-”

But I was stopped. By shock.

I could not believe what was in front of me.

She was on one knee. And she was holding a ring.

The cheers around me faded into the background as my tears of happiness started flowing down my face.

Friday, 28th June 2041

I think my skin is permanently scarred from that makeup artist. Not to say she didn’t do a good job - she did - but she put so much makeup on and it took so long that I got a little impatient. Who knew that you needed to be so fake to reach the expectations of society?

Either way the interview went well. She asked me about the new discoveries in black holes I had made and what I was aiming to find out after that, and I must say, I was pretty smooth. I answered everything exactly the way I had planned it.

She had recorded the whole interview on TV, and when I came back home, she showed me the video of me speaking.

“You looked gorgeous. And you answered them so well. You seemed so chill,” she marvelled.

“I was not chill,” I laughed. “I was actually so nervous! My knees were trembling like hell. I’m glad I wasn’t standing up.”

“You’re still brave though.”

“Says the person who set me up for this whole interview in the first place. This is definitely promoting me.” I slammed the table for effect.

“You’re going to rule NASA soon,” she grinned.

“I’d rather go to the moon,” I sighed.

“Fly me to the moon…” she sang.

“Wow. That song must be around 80 years old.”

She suddenly stood up. “Boss is calling me. I’ll be back.”

“Alright,” I said, watching her leave.

I took a sip of my tea. I’ve never understood why people drink coffee. What’s better than a cup of tea to solve all your problems? It was a sunny summer day, and I was happy, but I was never tired of tea.

I looked up to see her walking in, a dazed smile on her face.

“What happened?” I asked.

It took her a long time to respond. “You- you know that g-gene modification I suggested to cure g-glioblastoma?”

“Yeah?” I smiled nervously.

“It works. We cured the first person. We- we did it.”

I wrapped my arms around her. “Wow. Wow. I’m so proud of you. Oh my- Oh my god.”

She started crying. “I did it. I did it. Finally. Finally.”

I had never seen her so happy. In my life. And I don’t think I ever will.

Friday, 18th May 2046

“Hey. Potato head. Wake up. You’re 40.” She grinned widely, bringing me a box of 24 ferrero rochers.

“Forty? Huh?” I grumbled. “Wait, did somebody say ferrero rochers?” I sat bolt upright, and took the box. “Thanks. I’m going to give you two now before I eat the rest in five seconds.”

“Only two?” she asked. “I’m taking five.” She smiled.

“You’re joking, of course.” I raised my eyebrows.

“Of course I am,” she grinned, taking seven. “Happy birthday, darling.”

I smiled widely. “Thanks, lovely.”

I knew I would never forget the happiness I felt at that moment.