The Not-So Immortal Life Of Jack Stewart

Submitted into Contest #176 in response to: Write a story involving a magical potion — which may or may not work.... view prompt

5 comments

Adventure Fantasy Fiction

Year: 1500, England: Winchester

They say you can not live forever. Or can you? In medieval England inside an old stone building, was a gray-haired man who was desperately trying to set the one who killed his wife in jail. But not everything would go as he had planned. This is his frightful story:

"Ah, yes" murmerd Jack, he was anxiously waiting for this moment since he started. "The potion is almost ready". Cautiously the old man grabbed the glass vial full of black liquid on the glowing-hot coals. He then set it on the table which was engraved 'Jack Stewart, Alchemist'. After that he reread the last page in the ancient book he found beside his murdered wife's body. 

"To finish the Potion Of Immortality," it read "Add the gold river dolphins hair and the red tree lion's tail." Jack did as instructed, his frail old hands dropping the ingredients into the shiny glass vial. Almost instantly the strange black liquid began to froth and bubble, the potion now smelling as putrid as dirty socks. Eventually the bubbling and frothing ceased and the smell went away. The jet black liquid now had a faint hint of red. The last word on the page was colored bright gold and circled in dark pitch black, "DRINK", all caps. One thing. He was doing this for his wife, to avenge her and take the hideous man who killed her to court. It could also change his pathetic mortal soul and body forever. He grabbed the glass vial, it was ice cold to the touch despite being in the coals just moments ago. 

Trying not to squirm with great effort, he opened his parched lips and drank the carefully prepared potion. The potion tasted of nothing, easily flowing down his sore throat, the potion now as hot as his furnace on full fire. When he was done ingesting the potion he felt something he hadn't felt since his beloved wife died.

 Strength.

There was no denying it. He was stronger than ever.

He smiled, took a bite of his umple pie and suddenly, he realized he would be like this forever. Quite literally.

522 years later, 2022, England: Winchester

Jack hurriedly walked down the ancient and worn road on his now energetic legs, trying not to arouse suspicion, he didn't want anybody to follow him, the place he was going was to be kept in the utmost secrecy.

"Hello Mr. Stewart!" called a few livley young children passing by. He took no notice of them. He was distracted and jittery. Would his laboratory still remain? It had been about 520 years since he took the Potion Of Immortality. Trying to worry too much he took account of his past disguises, first he had done as he had sworn, throwing his wife's murderer in jail, explaing his crime deep in depth right before the holy pope and the royal family, but they all were long gone now. Then he sharpened his teeth and became Dracula, but that was boring so he cut off his head and became the Headless Horseman and when that got boring he he got an axe and became the Axeman Of New Orleans. But who was he now? Just good old Mr. Stewart the ice cream man. But if anyone found that book or his identity……there would be wars. 

He was not a man of evil and misdeeds, he only did what he thought was necessary. And wars were not necessary. Soon he saw his old laboratory and was walking up to the ancient moss covered building. When he entered his old laboratory he smiled. It was exactly as he left it, only moss covered and broken down. His shiny wood table was now rotting, his furnace was dented and dust covered and the coals inside were reduced to a small pile of ash. The chair was in pieces and his bookshelf was broken and several were missing, the rest were dusty and/or He snapped out of his trance and frantically scrambled around for the book; he soon found it on top of his furnace, the leather ripped and torn. Almost crying he started to grab it, however as soon as he touched it a net covered him from above and he blacked out. 

When he woke up he found himself in a clean metal room with one door and no windows. His limbs were tied to a chair and he felt groggy. A woman walked in her blonde hair bouncing on her shoulders, the M16 symbol embroidered on her black dress. 

"I understand you are Jack Stewart, yes?" she asked, not even bothering to explain what Jack was doing in here.

Jack nodded, unsure what to do.

"Our sources tell us you have lived for 522 years." she stated, that common millatary no-nonsense was in her voice.

"Well she's about business" Jack thought.

"H-How did you know?" Jack managed to sputter out.

"We have our sources," she replied coyly. "We also have a team of excellent scientists who made the potion you took centuries back. I also know your disguises: Headless Horseman, Dracula and even the Ningen. And……"

"Spill the beans!!" yelled Jack, he liked to be in the know and he felt juuust a little scared. I mean, it's not everyday he gets taken to the M16 and gets questioned.

"And we found a way to reverse the potion" she said glaring at him, "The microchip we installed in your body will remove your immortality. Without your immortality you will return to your normal state. And your normal state is dead as it died many years ago."

Jack looked back with wide eyes full of fear.

 He felt a pinch in his neck and the strength that he had for so long was drained from his body. His vision and youth fading.

 He died. 

He could feel his soul reaching to the heavens, floating through the roof, through the sky, through the clouds, and to his wife.

December 14, 2022 02:57

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5 comments

05:40 Dec 22, 2022

Well written dhruva👍

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Kylah Adams
16:21 Dec 24, 2022

Hi Dhruva, I loved this story! I felt it gripped my attention and didn't let it go until the very end. I do think there are a couple of places this could be stronger. I think the effects the potion has could happen more slowly and with more description. Your dialogue is solid, but if you want to take it a step further, I challenge you to write a story in only dialogue, that was something I did when developing that skill. Overall you did an amazing job.

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20:03 Dec 25, 2022

Thanks Kylah!! On my next story, I will definitely work on my description and my dialouge.

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23:45 Dec 25, 2022

Oh also, challenge accepted!!

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17:46 Dec 18, 2022

Please tell me how I can improve my writng in the comments. Thanks!

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