Inside the Hospital

Submitted into Contest #49 in response to: Write a story that takes place in a waiting room.... view prompt



It was a beautiful day with not one cloud in sight. As Bella Blue Andre got out of bed she heard a scream. It was her cousin, Lucy Langton! Bella was sleeping over at Lucy’s house for the night. When Bella got into Lucy's room she saw that Lucy's mom, Gail was already there. 

“What happened?” She cried. “Is she Hurt? Where was she hurt? How was she hurt?”

“She hurt her right leg by falling off the bed onto her rock collection and when she tried to stand up she tripped over her dresser.” Gail replied a little anxiously. “I am going to call your mom Bella, so she can pick you up. She will meet us in the Emergency room.”

Bella glanced at Lucy. Her face was twisted in pain

“Don't leave me Bella. Please!” sobbed Lucy

Gail replied “Come on Lucy. It will be alright. Let's go Bella”

And off they went to the hospital. In the car they played 20 questions. Bella thought that it was not the best round of 20 questions. Since Lucy was upset, she got to go first. 

“The category is a place,” announced a tearful Lucy. They guessed 11 questions until Bella finally guessed the hospital.

She was cut off by a yelp from Lucy. “I moved my leg!”

Gail said “It's ok, We are at the hospital” She lifted Lucy out of the car and she carried her in the waiting room.

She was immediately greeted by a girl that looked to be 5 years old. She was screaming and crying. Next to her she saw a boy that was two years old. The mom was struggling to calm down the girl. Soon the boy began to cry.

“Harley, it's ok. You will get help soon.” said an anxious Mom. She turned to the boy. “Calm down Bentley. 

“Mom” wailed Harley “My arm hurts. I think it’s broken” 

The mom took Harley and bently into the girls bathroom.

“Yucky,” said Bently. The mom dragged him in anyway.

“My leg hurts” whined Lucy. Gail went off to get some ice

A girl Bella’s age through her popsicle away. She held her stomach then began to cry. Her mom hugged her.

            A doctor passed by just as the girl fainted. The doctor fell down. So did Bently who snuck out of the bathroom. Bently hit his head. He cried, and the doctor got up to check Bentlys head. 

“He will be Ok.” the doctor announced “She on the other hand will be checked on in a little while.”

The mom picked the girl up. “Take Bailey in now!” snapped Bailey's Mom”

The doctor replied. “We will when the next doctor is free.” Clearly surprised by the sharp tone in the Moms voice he added “It will be soon.”

“Your free” Said the mom

“No I am not free” He was angry

“Look” Bella pointed “She’s free”

The doctor looked relieved. He motioned for the mom to carry Bailey, then led her to the doctor. Just then Bailey woke up. 

“What happened?” she asked when the doctor took her into a room

Just then Gail came back. “Sorry it took so long. Lucy are you ok? The doctor just called for you. Speaking of calling, your mom just called Bella. She got stuck in traffic. Will you be Ok here alone. Lucy we need to get you to the doctor now!” 

“I’ll be fine.” Bella motioned for them to go. “Good luck Lucy!” And off went Lucy and Gail, Gail carrying Lucy along to the doctors office

An old man started to yell. He was going bald. His Wife cut him off. “Now Harold be nice Please. It is bad to yell at Mark even though you had some issues in the past.”

“Oh come on Penny he lost his mind!” Harold shot back

“No I didn't! You ruined my suitcase!” said a man who Bella assumed was a very mad Mark

“If you want me to call Larry then keep talking,” replied Penny “If you don't then cooperate!” She was clearly exasperated. 

A look of panic crossed both Harold and Mark’s faces. Bella wondered why they were so scared.

Bella's thoughts were interrupted by two of the doctors that worked in the hospital followed by a man with a baby. 

“Coming through, Coming through!” done said

“It is an emergency” ylled the other

“Help! Oh please Help my baby girl! She is an innocent little baby! Let my Petunia be ok!” sobbed the mom

She probably would have gone on for longer if the baby, Petunia had not started crying louder. And Louder. And louder until she was howling

The doctors ushered Petunia and her mom out of the waiting room when suddenly Harley and her mom came in.

“I am A-OK!” announced Harley with a sling on her arm

‘Weoo weoo weoo’ sounded an ambulance outside. A college aged boy came out. He was followed by a girl that looked about seventeen years old. The mom came out next. She was holding a baby. 

“Sara, go into the waiting room and wait for me to come out. Sammy, follow along. I will see you later. " The girl, Sara, went into the hospital as the boy, Sammy, followed. The mom picked up the baby. 

“It will be alright Phobie” whispered Sara to the baby. 

Then the mom took Phobie into the hospital of doom.

Meanwhile Bella was still worrying about Lucy. Was she going to be ok? What will happen to her? Once again her thoughts were interrupted. 

“Petunia is ok!” sang out Petunias' mom “My baby is good to go!”

“Now remember to come to our check up on Thursday at five-oclock.” reminded the doctor firmly.

“Oh I will, don't you worry!” replied the mom looking very happy. 

“Good” said the doctor. 

Suddenly the door opened. It was Bella's mom, Heidi Andre! Bella jumped so high up. She ran to her mom. 

“You're here!” she exclaimed “What took so long?”

“Traffic” she replied “What have you seen?

“It’s a long story.” she said.

Just then Lucy came out of the hospital. She had crutches. She was beaming. “Look at me, Heidi!” Lucy pointed at herself.

“Cool!” yelled Bella

Shhhh” reminded both Gail and Heidi

“Tell me what happened in the doctor's office!” said Bella. 

“In the car you two” Heidi pointed to the car.

Gail helped Lucy to the car, Bella not far behind.

And off they went.

July 06, 2020 03:16

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Niveeidha Palani
22:48 Jul 10, 2020

Hi Hallie, this story was overall a nice plot and idea! However, a few things to work on: Your speech marks. They should be ended either with a full stop or a comma, it's not possible, to close one otherwise. Check your grammatical errors, there are quite a few that are in capital letters although they are not supposed to be in capital letters... Try using more descriptive words, use interesting words instead of "said", "yelled" and "exclaimed" I would also recommend Grammarly, read other stories too! Otherwise, this was a delightf...


Hallie A.
01:01 Jul 11, 2020

Thanks so much for your feedback! I will work on it now.


Niveeidha Palani
01:40 Jul 11, 2020

No problem Hallie, glad to help!


Hallie A.
03:54 Jul 11, 2020

Ok it is finished. Tell me if it needs more work.


Niveeidha Palani
13:16 Jul 11, 2020

Hi Hallie, I'm glad you had the initiative to correct your work, it still has mistakes though... “Coming through, Coming through!” One said “It is an emergency” Yelled the other "Yelled" and "One" are not supposed to be in capital letters, I also noticed other minor errors, but the others were greatly improved! I noticed you added in "whispered" and "announced" and their great words! Keep up the amazing job Hallie! Looking forward to more!


Hallie A.
15:15 Jul 11, 2020

I hope what I edited has fixed all my pointed out errors as well as the other minor errers. This was very helpful.


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