Rebellion, Repentance and Redemption

                     Blades of light stab her eyelids in an attempt to pry them open, but she refuses to concede and throws her arms across her face. She feels a sweaty body lying against her side. She scoots over to break the contact, the body rolls with her. Disgusted, she climbs out of bed and looks for her clothes, spying her shirt among the trash and empty beer cans, she grabs it. Who is that guy in the bed? She remembers seeing him the previous night, but she didn’t speak to him, he wasn’t her type. Too much beer and too many pills obviously lowered her standards. Finding the rest of her clothes she left the room. She steps over the bodies lying around in various states of undress and heads for the door. 

                  “Hey Jewels, you need a ride.” A guy asks her, she thinks his name was Todd.

                   “Nah, I’m cool, I need the fresh air” she replies, she spies an ice chest and digs into it for a beer. “For the road.” She salutes Todd and walks into the harsh morning light.

                     Unpleasant smells assault her as she walks down the street. Wrinkling her nose she glances around, flowers and pine trees overflow the forest and line the road. She chugs the beer, relishing the bitter taste.  She should of checked for those pills she had last night, what a trip that was. Grinning at the memory for a moment, she realized that actually there was very little she remembered after the initial adrenaline rush, she should be worried about that, but she dismissed it from her mind. She takes another deep breath, the smells of the forest always soothe her, but the stench she inhales makes her gag. What is that smell? She bends down and picks a flower, putting it to her nose,

                   “Ahh, so sweet.” As she stands the smell wafts to her again, it’s then she identifies the smell. It is the combined smell of stale beer, to much sex and the mingled sent of sweaty bodies. It was her, ugh! 

                     “I should of accepted the ride from Ted or Todd, or whatever the heck his name was.” She groans aloud.  She needed a shower and another beer. Why didn’t she accept the ride? Two reasons really; Mom and Dad! She decided to walk so she could postpone seeing the looks of disappointment that her parents would invariably have. She knew her partying and drinking was out of control, but it was the only thing that filled the void she felt, at least filled it temporarily. Every time she tried to slow down the drinking, the despair and emptiness would bombard her. Something vital was missing from her life but she didn’t know what it was, so to fill that void she’d been drinking, doing drugs and having casual sex, with who ever was available.

                        She arrived at the bridge that crossed Amadahy River, she had to cross it to get to town; the water was a deep blue color here, probably because of its depth.  The bridge was narrow and rickety, it wasn’t used often since it was on a back road. She stopped in the middle and she stared down into the depths. The water looked so peaceful as it calmly flowed under the bridge.

                      “What is wrong with me?” She cried out to her reflection in the water.  What she saw in the water, was a woman looking much older than her 23 years. She was haggard with stringy hair and blood shot eyes. Dark circles discolored the flesh under her eyes and her skin had a pallid unhealthy tinge to it.

                        “Just do it!” her subconscious told her.

                         “Nobody will miss you and the pain will go away.” She gazes at the flowing river longingly. No more pain sounded good, she was so tired of searching, for something to make her whole, tired of disappointing her parents, tired of disappointing herself. Her parents had taught her to love and respect herself, but that was along time ago and any respect she had was long gone, along with the love. Now she just loathed herself, and she was sure her parents felt the same. Oh, they’d never say it but she could see it in their disappointment. She climbed up on the railing. 

                       “Mom and Dad, I wish you knew how sorry I am.” She whispered.                 

                       “You are loved; I loved you so much I gave my life for you?” Startled she almost fell. She looked around, but she was all alone. That definitely wasn’t her subconscious, but she felt that voice inside herself, she also felt peace flood her. She climbed down from the railing.

                        “Wait, what are you doing? This is the right thing to do.” Her subconscious railed at her. Ignoring her inner thoughts she let the peace flow through her and continued on her way home.

                        Once she saw her house anxiety set in again. She was so worried about facing her parents disappoint, that she totally forgot the peace she had felt. When she walked into the house she was ready for a battle, she had it all played out in her mind. Who were they to be disappointed in her? She didn’t owe them anything! She was an adult in charge of her own life.  She stalked into the kitchen, expecting her parents to be there like usual. Anger controlled her now, not despair, not the emptiness and the peace that had stopped her from taking her life was gone too. Now it was only a lost memory. Where were they? She wanted to get this over with so she could escape to her room. She heard soft voices coming from the living room, so she stomped in there.

                       “Let the battle begin.” She murmured to herself.  She entered the room armed with her sarcasm, Home and Sweet Home she started to spout, but she stopped dead in her tracks not uttering a sound when she saw her parents. They were on their knees together, heads bowed. They were praying, for her! She quietly moved out of sight and listened to them.

                      “Dear Father, please be with our Daughter Jewels. She has been living in rebellion for the last couple of years. She’s forgotten all the joy she use to have in you. She thinks she outgrew the need for a belief in God, she says there is no scientific proof, for faith. She says religious people are hypocrites, and we can’t deny there are some. But they aren’t the ones who truly believe and love Christ.  She gets so angry when we try to discuss you. We are at a loss, the anger she has is so unreasonable, it makes no sense. She can’t even explain why she gets so mad. Father, we know how much you love her, you sent your son to die for her. Your love is incomprehensible, so much more than even our love for our daughter, which is limitless. Father, please touch her heart, please open her eyes, please separate her from the chaotic and rebellious path that she is on and wrap her in your love. We thank you Father, in Jesus wonderful name, Amen.”  Her Dad ends the prayer and embraces his sobbing Wife.

                      Jewels silently creeps to her room. Listening to her parents pray for her was unsettling, yes, she knew they believed in God but they had quit trying to push religion on her. Thinking back it was after one really explosive blow up. She had come home for the weekend from college; they wanted her to go to church with them.

                    “Honey, the church is having brunch after service, will you come?” Her mom asked.

                     “No, I have more important things to do than listen to a sanctimonious pastor, preach about a mythical God that judges everybody for their ‘sins’”. She had snarled.

                      “Jewels! What has gotten into you? God a myth? You know that’s not true.” Her mother exclaimed in horror.

                      “I know what’s true! science. Not that a god made the earth in 7 days. Or he parted the sea, flooded the earth or had a man survive for 3 days in the belly of a whale.” Jewels argued angrily. 

                       “Jewels, I can’t believe you’re saying these things, what happened to your faith? God Loves you.” Her mom cried out.

                         “I can’t believe you spoon fed me that rubbish since I was a toddler. It took me going to college and actually learning the truth about the world I live in, I was so naive, thank goodness I had a professor wake me up.” Jewels shouted.  Just then her father walked in.

                        “What in the world is all the yelling about?” He saw his wife’s tear stained face and Jewels angry one.

                         “I was just letting mom know that I no longer believe in her mythical God, it is a cruel joke parents perpetuate to keep their kids in line. Tell them they’ll go to Hell for anything from disrespecting their parents to enjoying sex, which is one of the most natural things there is, just check out animals, are they going to your imaginary Hell?” Jewels snidely told here father.

                        “I don’t know what you think you’ve learned, but in this house, we respect the Lord and you will NOT blaspheme God here!” her Dad sternly told her.

                        “Fine!” I’ll be going back to school and sanity; you can keep living under a rock, waiting for some higher being to throw down his wrath if you disobey his commandments. She’d gone upstairs and retrieved her things, when she walked back through the living room her mom was leaning against her dad’s shoulder. She could tell they’d both been crying, but she said nothing as she walked out the door. She did hear her mom call out to her though, telling her she loved her. But Jewels hardened her heart and left.

                      Jewels hadn’t spoken to her parents for the rest of the school year. They would call and leave her messages; basically all the same they loved her and missed her. She never returned the calls though. Through that summer Jewels spent a lot of time partying, her professor was so cool, he’d let her crash at his house, unbeknownst to the college. He would throw big parties where the booze and drugs flowed and sex was the norm. When school started again, the professor threw her out, because he didn’t want to chance the school finding out he was living with a student. By that time their relationship had moved way beyond teacher and student. She tried going back to class, but couldn’t keep up with the schedule with the drinking and drug use. She was expelled 2 months into the school year. With no place to go she went back to her parents, she had nothing but the clothes on her back and the chip on her shoulder. Her possessions had been all sold for drugs. Her parents had welcomed her back with open arms, hoping that her views would change now that she wasn’t being indoctrinated by the academic world views. However they soon learned that her worldview had only gotten worse.

                     Back in her room Jewels recalls the last year she’d been back home. Her parents continued to show her Gods importance in their lives. They still went to church every Sunday and other days depending on what was happening at the church. They still prayed before meals, at first she would storm out of the room when they would start. But hunger stopped that rebellion pretty fast. So when she had dinner with her parents, they would pray and Jewels would sit silently stiff in her chair until they were done. It really seemed like the more her parents showed their love and faith in God, the angrier and self destructive she had become.  Her parents had asked once after she had let them know for the hundredth time that she believed God was a myth and faith was for the weak,

                     “If God is a myth, why does our belief anger you so? Does it hurt you?

Do you get angry when someone says they believe in fairies or angels or ghosts even?  What is it about the belief of God and Jesus Christ that brings on this anger?” Her dad wanted to know, he continued. “I believe that every person on this earth knows deep in their soul that God is real, but for whatever reason they deny him choosing rather to live in disobedience and rebellion.”  She wondered at her fathers words, was that what she had been doing? Rebelling against God? She thought about the moment on the bridge, she had wanted to end it all, the despair, the emptiness that filled her soul for so long. She hadn’t been unhappy as a child, as a matter of fact, her whole life had been a happy one, even her teen years had been fine, aside from normal teenage drama. It wasn’t until she’d gone to college, that the drinking had started, then the drug use. So was it the drinking that started this downward struggle, or was it something that had caused the despair and emptiness and her solution to combat it was drugs, booze and sex? Her mind was in torment, what was real, what was fiction? 

                       The emotional turmoil she was going through was draining, so she jumped in the shower, not only to wash away her stench but also to try and wash away the memories of all the bad choices she had been making. Disgust and self loathing filled her, if her parents ever found out how far she fallen they’d never forgive her, she didn’t even forgive herself. The water combined with the tears she finally let flow. Totally drained, she threw on a t-shirt and crawled into the bed,

                      “God, if you are real, please show me and help me.” Exhaustion overtook her as she uttered the prayer and she fell into a fitful sleep.

                         The dreams came rapidly for her, dreams of a man with the most loving eyes. He reached out his hands to her; she knew it was Jesus.

                         “I am the light of the world; whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Jesus spoke to her.

                         “But I have done horrible things, I am so ashamed. Jewels cried out.

                         “Where are your accusers? Jesus asked her.

                          “I accuse myself.” She uttered in despair. Instantly she was standing on the hill of Golgotha, staring up into Jesus’ tortured face.

                          “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow, believe in me and you shall be washed in the blood, all your sins shall be forgiven.” She heard these words even though Jesus didn’t speak, weeping she fell to the ground as Jesus gave his life for her on the cross. 

                          She awoke to the morning light, tears had stained her face, but she felt so full of joy, she knew what she needed to do so she ran down stairs to her parents.  They were just finished breakfast, and were getting ready to leave for church, when she ran into the kitchen.

                      “Mom, Dad, I want to accept Christ as my savior, will you please show me how?” Her parents were speechless; this is what they had been praying for. Her Dad took her in his arms, then he led them into the living room. All three knelt down and bowed there heads. 

                      “Father, thank you bringing Jewels back to you, we are so grateful.” Her Dad prayed, then he told her to just repent of your sins, and confess your faith in Christ.

                       “Dear Lord, I am so sorry for my sins, I repent and ask forgiveness for them all. I give you my life today and forever. I believe you are the son of God, and I know you died for my sins and that you rose again to sit at the right hand of the Father. I know that by your blood I am saved.  I accept you Jesus, as my personal Lord and savior. And I Thank you Lord, for always loving me. Amen.”  Jewels finished her pray and threw her arms around her parents.

                        “I want to thank both of you for never giving up on me and loving me.”

With her arms still around her parents, she looked toward the heavens and with peace filling her soul, she whispered,

                         “I AM REDEEMED!”