Who is He?

The street was quiet. The cool autumn breeze arose chills on her arm as she sat on her mother’s front porch. She knew packing her mother’s things was going to be hard; but immobilization had set.  She closes her eyes and flashbacks of her childhood played her mind. Their discussions in the kitchen and debates in the living room about societal topics. Or talking about Jesus and the love of God. A honk of a horn drew her away from her thoughts. The memories were in her heart, but knowing new memories would never be created broke her heart all over again. She rose from her seat and head inside the house. She couldn’t go back in time and change anything, and even if she could, she wouldn’t. There were ups and downs, but even with an option to choose the direction of her life, she wouldn’t change a thing. She would choose to walk with that woman all over again.

The house was still warm and welcoming. The old-schooled warmth circulating from each room. She could see her mother walking around. She heard her footsteps in her mind. She closed her eyes and the scent lingered in the air. A single tear made an escape, but she quickly wiped it away. There was going to be plenty of time for tears later; but for right now, she had to pack her mother’s things and put them in the garage.

An hour later, she sat on the edge of her mother’s bed with a box on the floor. She was going through the drawer next to her mother’s bed, removing everything and placing it inside the box. She grabs a handful of papers and places them on the bed to sort through. She sees little notes of doctor appointments, birthday cards, and even receipts. She saves the birthday cards, but places the receipts in a manila folder. She will place the entire folder in the box when she knows she’s gathered all of them. The appointment cards get toss in the trash.

As she’s going through the paperwork, a small photograph is stuck between some papers. She picks up the photo to take a look and her heart drops. The photo was of her mama in a wedding dress. She looks so beautiful and happy. She’s staring at the photographer with a wide, bright smile. But it was the man next to her that had her on pause. He’s in a military uniform and he’s gazing at her mother lovingly. He’s staring at her like she was the only woman in the world.

Who is he?

Her mother told her about a man from her past and they had a night together. He didn’t want to be tied down and decided to walk away. Her mama raised her on her own and it was just them for a really long time. She never mentioned a husband.

Did her mother lie to her?

Was this man her father?

Who is he?

She has so many questions. The picture may seem small to many, but to her it changes her entire life. She never met her father. When she was ten years old, she asked her mama about him and she told her a story about having a brief romance with someone, then at sixteen, her mother told her the ‘truth.’ She said that it was a brief romance. A week of a good time that created me. She immediately shared the news with him, but his response broke her heart. He wasn’t interested in the married life. He wasn’t ready and wanted to live a life before staying in one place.

 It was decided then that he would remain a mystery. He knew that she existed and if he didn’t feel the need to check in, then she didn’t need to either.

But this changes everything. This is a wedding photograph.

She can assume that the groom is he father. There has to be an explanation for it and she would be lying to herself if she said that she didn’t care.

She closes her eyes and gather patience in her heart. Patience for her mother. Patience for herself. Her mama was her own person. She wasn’t perfect. She had a life before her and her thoughts were her own, whether she shared them or not. She wished she would’ve shared this before though. She was there during the entire process. When she could talk perfectly, when she struggled with her voice, and when she stopped talking completely. There were stories shared, whether repeated or not, she knew about her mother’s family, she met them and knew of them, but she didn’t have any relationships with them due to the stories shared by her mother. She was a timid woman. Mama had to fight her entire life and once she saved enough to purchase a house creating some distance between us and them. We rarely, if not at all, seen her family. SO, it was just them.

She was okay with that.

Now, she’s still okay with it just being her. She refuses to be tainted by their ways, so contacting them is totally out of the question.

It doesn’t remove the need to know. She closes her eyes and prays for direction. She wants to know, but if knowing is going to break her heart then she will be okay with NOT knowing.

She stares at the picture in her hand. She stares at her mama for a long time. Her beautiful wide smile and beautiful set of teeth. The brightness in her eyes makes her heart sing a song placed in her heart by the Lord. Her hands were resting on her husband. She took her time analyzing the man. People often complimented her looks and her family would say she and her mother were twins. She still took time to analyze him. Her mind refused to compare genetics with the man in the photo though. She didn’t want to look too closely and see something, or look and not see something at all.