Chrissy, Unmistakably

She had asked me to meet her at the park where we- Chrissy and I- spent most of our time together. So I went. She was still with her friends when I arrived. I took a seat at the roots of a tree to wait. I looked up at the branches and leaves. It was the biggest tree in the small park, and probably the biggest tree in town. It was beautiful. Just like our love. Or what it was before. 

~.~

"You know what?" Chrissy asked after she finished her daily rant to me.

"Yeah?"

"You know I don't talk much. You must be at least a little bit surprised when I started meeting you everyday just to talk in monologues about stuff in my head with you."

"Pleasantly," I replied, grinning playfully at her.

She gave my shoulder a little punch, grinning too.

"I rarely talk to people in monologues like this. When I do, though, it's because that person is special, at least to me. And yet, when I do, I feel guilty. Like I'm wasting their time and just making them bored. But when I talk to you, Lucille," she said, calling me a nickname she made up for me just between the two of us as she turned to me not with her lips stretched in a smile, but a thoughtful look in her eye.

"I feel like you're genuinely extra special."

I am, I wanted to smugly say, but I was too enraptured by her gaze, staring back like an idiot. Her face wasn't particularly attractive in any way - just her eyes. Her eyes were a deep, dark brown. Two distractingly wonderful black holes. I could fall in and never resurface, but I wouldn't mind.

...

"Do you wanna kiss?" I asked after a few minutes passed, immediately regretting the sentence once hearing how awkwardly it came out.

"Wh-what?! Luke-"

"I-I-I'm sorry! It's just that... I felt like we were going to kiss, but I didn't want to be too straightforward or something... Did I just ruin the moment?"

She gave me a small chuckle. "Nah, you didn't."

~.~

We walked together on the sidewalk as the cars of the urban city raced by us. We had been so chatty that my throat was getting hoarse. We laughed together about it. It was like our first date could never end.

"Man, I suddenly miss being an introvert at school now."

"You could have been an introvert forever if you hadn't met me."

"Excuse me? Was it not you who just barged into my life one day?"

"Yes, indeed I was, and unknowingly you are slowly losing yourself, thanks to my charisma."

"You know I love you too much to refuse."

"Aw."

"If talking to you this much makes my throat hoarse, screw it. A hoarse throat is nothing if I can talk to you for hours and hours forever."

"Such dedication."

"By yours truly."

"I think you'll get used to it, though."

"I'm yours forever. I don't care either way."

Though the smile on her face was still there, she didn’t respond. It wavered, her lips twitching at the corners, and soon faded. Her fingers started loosening in mine as she looked away at the road.

I was used to this. We would be laughing and happy, but then she would start questioning herself and confide in me with her insecurities. I would always restore her faith back. And that's what I did.

"Hey," I said as I took both of her hands in mine, stepping in front of her so she would stop walking and look at me. "It's not like I ever want to leave you. I love you, Chrissy. And I love us, even when we're keeping it secret from everybody else. I don't even care, I'll just follow your decision. I love you."

She smiled at me warmly. And I thought she believed my promise. She probably did.

But she saw much more promise in death.

I'm sorry, Chrissy,

"Wait-" she started, a sentence that never finished.

I'll make my promise more apparent,

Her fingers slipped away from mine before she ran.

I'll do anything to let you know that I really,

She ran fast, but she perfectly timed where her stop would be:

Really love you so,

The middle of the road, right where an unsuspecting car hit her.

So much-

"Sir?" one of the nurses called from the ward where Chrissy was. The nurse paused a bit when she saw that I had been crying, which was apparent thanks only to my red eyes and tear streaks.

"She's fine, but-"

"Chrissy's fine?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Chrissy? Yes, but she's- Sir!"

I ran at the door and towards the bed at the far end, my footsteps loud in the quiet ward. I tore the curtain aside with all the words of regret I wanted to say on my lips-

"Chrissy!" I almost yelled at her, my tears starting to flow again. She looked at me cluelessly.

"Chrissy, I- I-"

She blinked.

"Who..." she started breathlessly.

I felt my stomach drop.

"Who are you?" she asks me. 

~.~

"Someone who's nothing without you," I whispered to myself under the large, shady tree. The wind carried my sad sigh elsewhere, but it didn’t bother to take the sad with it. "Without Chrissy."

I thought about that night when we went on our first date, which was purposely set out of our small, honestly crappy town where everyone else was. We both weren't ready to show people that we were lovers. The park was old and usually unbothered, so it became our private sanctuary. That's one of the many reasons I was mad at... her other personality, who felt a mere strange attraction to this park.

"Hey, you, uh... Luke, was it?" she said as she approached me. I turned to see that all her friends had left. We were alone.

"I'm Bethane," she said, extending her hand towards me. Her lips stretched into a smile. It was Chrissy's smile, and Chrissy's lips, but it definitely wasn't her lipstick. I spent way too long staring at her face to know that she didn't wear any kind of lipstick.

I slapped her hand away. "Yeah, I heard."

She pouted, disappointed at me dismissing her. Chrissy would only pout like that to mimic spoiled brats.

"Anyway... I think you're the one who showed up at my ward when I first woke up?"

"Yeah. I was."

"I came here to apologize. And to explain, I guess."

My unresponsive silence encourages her to go on.

"You see, I... have Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's... when I have at least two personalities that are like different people inside one body? I don't really get it either..." 

It’s not that I didn’t know what DID was. Chrissy always talked about mental disorders. I just didn’t want to give her any sign that I was okay with her presence in Chrissy’s absence. 

"And… What did the doctor say again? Oh yeah, between me and my other personalities, we don't share memories. Like, at all. And... that's another reason why I came here. I don't remember what happened before waking up in the hospital, and you mentioned a name, right? Then that means you can help me remember, right?"

I scoffed. "Do I want to though?"

"Come on, just talk to me like how you would talk with her. I mean, I am her, right? We can't be that different," she pleaded.

I looked at her up and down. "Of course you can." I started walking away.

"Luke! No! Please!" Bethane begged. "I need to know what I was like before!"

"That wasn't even you." I glanced back just for a moment.

"It was me! She was me!" she yelled like a toddler.

"You’ll never be Chrissy."

"Luke! Luke! Please don't go!” she cried, her voice growing desperate. “What do you want? I can give you anything! Just tell me who I was before!"

I knew I shouldn't dismiss Bethane just like that. She didn't mean anything wrong. She was just frustrated at not remembering anything about herself before the accident. I just couldn't... I just couldn't talk to her. Not in the place where Chrissy and I shared so many intimate memories. Not when I have to face Chrisy's face while Bethane was talking. I probably couldn't even listen to Bethane talking with Chrissy's voice anymore. Texting her... not sure if that will work, but I'll give it a try. Not now, though. Not when she doesn't understand what pain I'm going through. Now, I just can't-

"Lucille!" Her voice rang in my ears.

I stopped. I wholly stopped. My entire being stopped. I only realized that I had sucked in my breath when I slowly turned around to face Bethane. 

There she was, her desperate face transitioning into a creepy grin she would rather wear on her face instead of a normal smile.

"Can you keep a secret?" Chrissy, unmistakably, said.