A Deeper Connection

The Butterfly Effect is explained as a single, insignificant event leading to a series of larger and larger events so that the insignificance of the event actually becomes quite significant. Essentially, one single moment could change your entire life. There is a rare beauty in this that is not always easily explained, but the day it snowed in the middle of July there was no explanation needed.

I sat at my small kitchen table, trying to ward off the intense heat by fanning myself with the heaviest papers I’ve ever held. They were legal documents; documents that meant to claim my marriage with my husband of 5 years over. Dead, gone, and empty. It hurt to think of signing them; of acknowledging the dead and the gone and the empty. We were soulmates. We were stuff for storybooks. Even our timing had been perfect. We fell in love our senior year of high school but heartbreakingly decided to part for college. I had been halfway around the world in London at Oxford while he remained studying in America. The day I left, he promised me we would find each other again. And through the long years, we had. It was exactly what you would read in a fairy tale. In the perfect example of chance, we saw each other 6 years later at our favorite diner. It had been snowing that day, and I knew this magical moment was too perfect to even deny. But now I sat chewing on my thumbnail with tears in my eyes, trying to conjure up the courage to sign my name. The hard truth is, we had drifted apart. As we grew older, we turned into different people. We wanted different things out of life now and it seems no matter how hard we tried we never could work out how to do all of it together. My husband was always the practical one of us. He realized if we did stay together it wouldn’t be because we were in love. I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that, too. Even though I agreed with this, I was lost without him. I know I didn’t love him anymore, but I still knew him as the man I loved. It was a strong connection that was too hard to just let go of. I wanted our ending to match our beginning; I wanted us to have our fairy tale ending.  All of a sudden, my cellphone rang breaking me out of my trance. I recognized the caller ID, and felt my heart sink. It was him, Derek.

“Hello?” I answered. “Hi, Vivien…” There was a heavy silence between us, and I felt the tears beginning to prick. “I just wanted to know if you got the papers.” I swallowed hard, trying to at least sound strong before answering. “Yes, I got them.” “Okay.” Once again, the silence enveloped us. I knew this was just as hard for him as it was for me, and I wished it wasn’t. I wish it were easier for both of us. Maybe if one of us had cheated it would be. But it was never about other people for us. “Why?” I rasped. He sighed. “You know why” he whispered. I nodded even though he couldn’t see me, the tears now falling onto my silk nightgown. “Viv you mean the world to me. I mean that with my entire heart. A piece of me will always be yours to have and to hold. But we moved on from each other long ago.” I felt the echo of our vows in his words pierce my heart. I shakily blew out air, not knowing what else to do. “I know. It’s just hard. You were a part of my life for a long time” I told him. “Yeah, we were really something together, weren’t we?” he laughed. I chuckled, thinking of my fondest memories of us. Suddenly, he spoke up again. “Remember that day we saw each other for the first time again?” “Yes, of course.” “That was my favorite memory for a long time. The snow, the kiss, the diner. Everything was perfect.” Suddenly I thought about his words when he told me he wanted a divorce. “We’re moving on without each other. That’s not how it should be. We need to let each other go.” Nothing had been perfect for us for a while. I knew I had to let him go like he had for me when I got on that plane for London. And as devastating a chapter this was in my life, I also knew that my character would heal from this. I wiped away my tears, set down my phone, and picked up the pen on the table. I opened the papers and signed my name on the designated line, noticing his name was already there. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Looking back, it was the strongest thing I’ve ever done, too. I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. “I signed them.” He didn’t say anything for a long time, and I wasn’t even sure he was still there until he choked out a thank you. His voice cracked, giving away his emotion. “You’re welcome.” I said softly. I hit the end button and stood up. I walked over to the fridge to get a drink of water and in a quick glance out the window, I saw it. I didn’t know what it was at first. I got closer to the glass and saw the tiny flakes falling from the sky. I set the water down and went to unlock the front door. When I stepped out, the air immediately felt colder than it had all day. It was entirely impossible, but somehow it felt right; almost magical even. I looked up at the sky as the snow started to fall heavier and knew. All the events leading up to this moment were exactly significant.