Our Ancestors Governing Us

I’ve spent so much on building my relationship with her and now mom says no. she’s the only lady I find peace with but mother doesn’t want her. She’s not my tribes mate and that’s mother’s problem. Mother is the lone parent I have and I’ve dated thousands but she’s the lone girl who supports my dreams.

Her charisma is unique. Can’t get her off my mind. Her words of encouragement and hardworking nature will attract her any man but what of me? She’s an answered prayers from God but I’m bound by tradition. I’m caught up with choosing between the two most important women in my world.

In my community, it’s like a taboo marrying from “outside”. Why? Because, the ancestors of the land didn't marry women nor men out of the clan.

While I was a child, I saw so many people being betrothed as children. As they grow up, those who were lucky to find love in each other build their relationship and marry when it’s due.

But there was a problem. Out of 10 children betrothed just 2 of them would have a happy marital life. The rest ended up enduring pains in the name of marriage and, in some cases, this led to death. In other cases, children from such homes tend to be wayward.

You may be wondering why I was not betrothed. I wasn’t born in my village. Dad was one of the wealthiest in my community. Mom and Dad’s marriage was one of the few that succeeded. 

Since I spent most of my holidays in the village with granny, she told me stories of how people were forced in to marriage and how those who denied marrying from the clan and tribe were cursed by the gods of the land. They believed so much in the gods of the land because their ancestors too did so.

Granny was a victim of forced marriage. She went through hell before her husband grandpa left her. She strongly stood against this gruesome act. She could not intervene when mother was betrothed because, women do not have a say when it comes to issues as this.

Granny told me so much about the different gods of the land. One evening, I asked her;

Me; granny what happens to a person who marries a man or woman out of our clan?

Granny; Hmmm... Son, do you see that family before we get to the stream where we fetch water?

; yes grandma? That man's children are all wayward. Worst of all the one who was succeeding in life has now grown mad...

Granny; yes! Most people that went against the rules of the land have ended up that way. That man's case is better. At least his children are still alive and disturb just him with their needs... There was this very wealthy young man who got married to girl from a different tribe. As he came to the village to seek his parents blessings, he didn't go back the same. Before he went back to the city, he lost his job, his house equally got burnt mysteriously and worst of all, he's insane now.

Me; God...is that how the gods make the mighty fall? Where is this man now granny?

Granny; I think you must have come across zuazua in the market? He even came here one time begging for food? That's him. He who lifted his family has fallen all because of ancient laws.

My child, I'm not telling you this so you get scared. It's to tell you that someone needs to stand against this. Because I failed doesn't mean you should too...

This story amongst the many she told me encouraged me to grow and change the trend of things. Many innocent children are pushed to become rebellious and evil all in the name of tradition.

I grew up to hate this aspect about my people and promised granny never to support such evil. Little did I know mother has the same view as that of the traditional rulers. She strongly supported marriage within the clan and did not want to hear us talk of anything relating to “external marriage” as she called it.

Mother and granny weren’t very close because of their diverse view on marriage. Mother was closer to Dad than granny so, she tends to copy all of father’s doctrines.

Our mother tongue was the main language of communication. Yes, it is beautiful but I thought it is important we know a bit of everything. 

Time quickly flew. Primary and secondary school days were over. I enrolled in to the university studying accounting. I had less time to visit granny but, her teachings never left my mind. We always talked on phone and she kept reminding me to bring a change to my people. It sounded simple but I didn’t know “how”.

My ego pushed me to work and make granny, mother and myself proud. Life was fair enough to me that I got a part-time job while schooling. I had a good pay and my parents were rich. My wealth attracted several girls to me and I played along. 

During my last year of school, while at my job site, I encountered someone. Her speech was succulent, the way she walked said a lot, her brain was worth connecting with. Her decency was worth recommending. She was all over my mind.

I did findings about her and connected with her. Being a liberal person who seizes every opportunity to learn, we flowed like the two sides of a coin. She was in her first year in the university, studying electrical engineering. 

Soon enough I graduated from school. I was able to have a full time job in a new company in town. Gilian was in her second year. She was taking a four years programme. We started dating. 

Gilian was from an average home. Her dad too was of late. I had to assist their family. I took over from her guardians. Her mom was placed on an allowance. I ensured she lived the most comfortable life a damsel like her deserves. 

Back home, mother was putting pressure on me to go get a wife from the village. I told her I will bring her the girl I want to marry when the time was ready. Granny died before I could introduce Gilian to her.

Gilian and I had planned that, she should at least get to her third year before we tell our parents of our plans. Her performance in school was quite outstanding. Although she studied something quite different from me, she had so much to contribute that helped me grow. A gem like her is rare.

The time came for us to talk to our mothers about our marriage plans. Ancestors were not rulling their land as was the case in my land. Her locals are so welcoming and open hearted.

It was time to see my mom. As her only biological child, I thought she would support me on who ever I wanted to marry. But I was wrong. Mother sent Gilian away on the basis that, she isn’t a daughter of my clan. She said she can’t stand her lone child being cursed and doomed. I somehow understood her but I had promised granny.

Mom gave me two weeks to choose between she and Gilian. I was indecisive for a week. Gilian cried throughout that period. 

Did I mention she was a Christian? That’s what I admired most about her. She embarked on a fast for our relationship. She and her mom. She never for once asked me to go contrary to mother. All she said was; “Gabriel make the right decision”.

Her mother tried talking to mine but the old woman wasn’t given a listening ear. 

Roland my closest friend invited me for a programme one time in church. The words of the man of God kept playing a bell in my head.

I loved my mom but I could not sacrifice my new faith to please her. Not as if I was pleasing Gilian, but I had to do the right thing. 

I soon joined Gilian in the fasting programme. All I wanted from God was direction.

Funny enough, I did not actually have to choose, I just had to cast my burden on the one who died for me. With one stone, I was able to kill two birds.

Two weeks quickly ran out. Mother had already looked for a girl from the village for me. She was already in my new house and in my bed room all under mother's instructions.

I took courage and walked in to mother’s compound with Gilian. She quickly stood up to retaliate but something none of us knows held her back. 

I had decided to marry Gilian and mother was going to bless me. It did not matter how long it was going to take her to do so. I became a pastor in the house. I talked to mom about God. I told her nothing will happen to me if I married Gilian. Although it was tough for her to bear, she yielded by saying she will need to compare Gilian with the girl she brought from the village.

The difference was clear. In less than no time Gilian won mother’s heart and today, we are happily married with three beautiful kids.

This has encouraged many disgruntled people in my village to do same.