Mistakes

Submitted into Contest #45 in response to: Write a story about change.... view prompt

68 comments

General



Wouldn’t it be amazing if we get to undo our life’s biggest mistake? This story is about a girl who got the opportunity to do so but the consequences weren’t that great.... 


It was a cold morning of the month of December. Everyone in the college seemed to be very anxious including me, after all, today we were going to find out that who will get the scholarship to the most prestigious law school? Even though I was quite sure that I will be one of them.


You must be wondering who am I? My name is Anna Millers. I always dreamt of becoming a lawyer, wearing a black coat, standing in front of the judge and protecting those people who were innocent. Coming from a middle class family,the first step to fulfill my dream was to get a final admit to the Harvard Law school with a full scholarship.


Every year the entrance exam for admission to Harvard Law college happens in 2nd week of November. Even though, I didn’t study all the topics as I was spending time with my new friend, Cara, still when I was in the examination hall, taking the exam, the questions seemed easy and I knew the answer to most of the them.


The D-day came and the result was displayed on the college notice board. I struggled to move forward, turning aside a bunch of students, to see my name and I couldn't believe. My name was not in the list. I was shell-shocked and realized that I failed the exam. Tears started to roll down my eyes. How was it possible? I am the best student in my school I thought. my body felt heavy and I dragged myself to somehow reach my home. As soon as I saw my mother, I hugged her and she said, “Let me guess, you failed the exam, right? “Yes, but how did you figured out?” I asked. She looked lovingly towards me and replied, “I saw you spending so much time with Cara and could see that you weren’t focusing on studies. You got complacent and thought that even without studying you can pass the exam but that will never happen.”


I burst into tears. I wanted to say something to her but couldn't. Seeing me like this she made me sit on the couch and said, “See Anna, in our life we make lot of blunders, some are big and some are small but we have to move on and try again. If you will keep on thinking that you failed, you will never be able to move on and there will be absolutely no chance that you will become a lawyer one day. There are so many other law schools which are also good and you can still apply." “Hmm you are right", I said. My mom passed me a smile. I continued, “But I want to ask you something. You said that we all have done mistakes right? so what is your life’s biggest mistake?”


She looked sideways and sadness floated on her face. I didn’t expect her to answer my question but she said, “Just like you want to become a lawyer, I always wanted to become a fashion designer. I could never muster courage to share my dream with my parents. After my 12th exams, one fine day after lot of hesitation, I told them that I want to become a fashion designer. My father got furious and forced me to get married. I wasn't brave enough to protest and I regret that till date".


Believe me your dad is not a bad person but my dreams were very precious to me. I always feel that if I had showed courage that day and protested then perhaps I could have applied for a fashion designing course. Who knows, I could have got selected and realized my dream of becoming a fashion designer. One should at least take a chance. But the damage is already done and all this is past now. I have moved on. Okay, let’s stop discussing about such depressing topics, go and get changed.


I felt very sad for my mom and she is right that I should move on. I decided that I will not give up. I will find a way to reverse what I did. I know it sounds insane but I searched on google that ‘How to reverse the biggest mistake of one's life?' but all I got on the internet was self awareness books and articles but eventually I saw a link with the heading ‘Click here if you want to reverse your life’s biggest mistake.’


I was skeptical that clicking on the link might crash my laptop but I still clicked. When the website opened, it was mentioned that ‘Write your life’s biggest mistake in the given box below’ and I did what it said. When I pressed enter, there came a reply that ‘Your mistake has been reversed’. But then I doubted that maybe this whole website is a scam as I didn’t notice any change in my life. Few days later,my phone rang up. When I picked up the phone, I could hear a female voice. She said, “I am talking from the Harvard Law School. We are sorry to reach you this late but there was a printing error, you have actually passed the exam and have got the full scholarship of Harvard Law School.” I was stunned. I didn't even say thank you to her and immediately disconnected the phone. I was sure that this happened because of the website and that’s when I thought about my mom. I thought that if my mom writes her mistake too then her mistake too will get reversed.


I immediately send that link to my mom and then after changing my clothes, I went downstairs. I saw my mom sitting in front of her desktop, she looked towards me and asked, “ have you sent this link to me? She continued,I have opened it and did what it said but what was it all about?”


“Mom, it’s a fantastic website. You know I wrote my biggest mistake in the box and guess what today I got a call saying that there was an error and I got the scholarship!”. She replied, “Really! That’s fab. I am so happy for you Anna.” I asked her, “What did you write?”. she replied, “I wrote that not becoming a fashion designer was my life’s biggest mistake.”

I told her that “I knew it that you will write that , now the website will reverse it and you will become a fashion argh....”


“What’s wrong Anna?” my mom asked looking a little concerned. I replied, “My whole body is feeling excruciating pain. Can you get me a glass of water?” I requested. “Sure”, after saying that my mom rushed to the kitchen and then suddenly my body started to pain even more intensely. That’s when the thought struck that if the website has reversed my mom's mistake and my mom has becomes a fashion designer. Then may be, my mom actually never married my dad and I was not born. That’s when I started to experience the changes. The interior of the house started changing. The house was tastefully done and filled with expensive furniture. But the most important change, my skin was getting lighter. I was disappearing.


In front of me emerged a dining table where my mom was sitting, wearing a beautiful dress, and in front of her was sitting a man, who was definitely not my dad. I could also see two kids sitting on side chairs. They were having dinner and were talking and laughing. I tried to call my mom but she couldn't hear my loud cries. I decided to go near her but my body became so feeble that every muscle in my body started to ache. I couldn't walk and fell on the floor. My skin was getting lighter and lighter and I disappeared....,,



June 11, 2020 00:36

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68 comments

Dani DeLeon
20:15 Jun 29, 2020

Okay, I'm going to be as detailed as I can. These are only my opinion, and there are some good stuff here. First, you need to work on your length, there's A LOT of stuff going on in just a few paragraphs. The story is great, but there's so much telling and so little to none showing, that it feels like one massive information dump after another. You want to avoid info dumps and try and find ways of showing things rather than telling. For example: Instead of stating, "My name was not in the list. I was shell-shocked and realized that ...

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Kristina Raynor
20:00 Jun 29, 2020

I really enjoyed your story and the twist ending. I would suggest to change the second sentence in the very beginning to remove the spoiler of the twist. I knew something bad was going to happen, and this makes the twist less of a surprise. Something along the lines of, "and this is the story of a girl who got that opportunity." I hope to see more stories from you!

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Christina Bencin
19:19 Jun 29, 2020

Great story! The ending was especially interesting, lovely plot twist! I suggest just cleaning up some punctuation errors and a few English errors (again, if English isn't your first language it is incredibly good).

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Julia Gibson
18:28 Jun 29, 2020

This is a very clever story. I especially liked the twist at the end. It's not often that I talk back to stories, but I found myself yelling at the main character, "You don't want to do that!" She didn't hear me. Writing in a language that isn't your first is really difficult and you've done a good job, but there are a few tell-tale instances that give you away. If I could make one suggestion for your story it would be to have someone who speaks English as a first language help you with these things.

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Luz Andara
18:26 Jun 29, 2020

I loved to the theme! It really reaches out to people. (Everyone has mistakes they want to undo.) I'm interested in reading more about the story itself because its leaves more questions. What else changed? Did her mom become a good mom? Can she come back or undo the mistake? How did the link work? Keep writing!

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Esther Andrews
18:07 Jun 29, 2020

The theme of your story is interesting and I liked the twist at the end! Similar comments to those below...with a little clean-up of past versus present tense, punctuation, etc. your work will be amazing!

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Jan H
12:19 Jun 29, 2020

I enjoyed reading the story. I especially liked the way it ended.

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Deleted Account
12:06 Jun 29, 2020

Oh my goodness, I never thought that would happen! That is a great plot twist and it’s so wonderfully written. I think everyone has a mistake they want to undo so this story is very relatable. Good work!

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Liya Mariyam
07:03 Jun 29, 2020

a very interesting concept and very well written

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Skyler Woods
06:54 Jun 29, 2020

This was such a tragic story. It had a Jordan Peele Twilight Zone feel. I felt intrigued by it and also disheartened by it. I loved how you showed the dark side of possibilities. Is there any way Anna's mom can reverse her mistake and bring her baby back? So sad.

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Jessica Buford
14:29 Jun 28, 2020

A very nice twist on the classic "Monkey's Paw" story. It's always refreshing to see things redone in a modern way. I'm a big fan of redone fairytales, as well. As a former classroom teacher, and now librarian, I would recommend having someone proof read your pieces. The ideas are great, but some of the grammatical errors distract from the tale. For example, some of your closing quotation marks were missing. Overall a fantastic idea!

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Kristine Murdock
16:44 Jun 27, 2020

I really liked the story content! It was a wonderful story and I loved it. However I would say that there are a few phrases or words that could be cut so that the message with each sentence is more concise. You could also practice a bit more with punctuation and the use of camas, and—I need to work with this too—the use of run-on sentences. All in all, I really liked this!

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April Summers
14:19 Jun 27, 2020

I really enjoyed this! What a great way to incorporate fantasy elements based on the technology of today. The mother's advice was really powerful and I keep wondering what her life would have been like if she didn't find that website. There were some parts that were choppy and could use a read through again but overall it was well done.

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Brian Brazeau
06:26 Jun 27, 2020

Nice twist at the end! Enjoyed reading this.

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Writers Block
20:27 Jun 26, 2020

To be continued. Can't wait to read more 😁

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Ella Kinnett
16:01 Jun 26, 2020

Love the way you ended it! Keep writing!

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Rebecca Lee
14:03 Jun 26, 2020

Hey! The content in this story was nicely done, and the ending was interesting. You transition through the story very well, and I liked the topic you chose. As a former newspaper editor and someone who spends a lot of time reading books, I saw a few 'housekeeping' - light 'housekeeping' things in the story - mostly mechanics. There are some typos (who doesn't have typos!?), and just some commas, semicolons, and " here and there that may need adjusting. This might be a personal thing for me- but when writing a conversation between ...

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13:27 Jun 26, 2020

Your note at the beginning about consequences was definitely proven true by the end! I can't help wondering if there's a way for Anna to come back somehow, but perhaps this would work best as a good old cautionary tale. On the technical side, I noticed a few typos, mostly punctuation. Sometimes your sentences were a bit clunky (lots of using the word "and") so splitting into smaller sentences could help your next story

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Alyanna Sy
05:21 Jun 26, 2020

Interesting concept -- written compellingly. There were a few grammar errors, but those didn't distract from the story! Great job -- had me hooked :)

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Kathleen Doidge
18:18 Jun 25, 2020

This was a nice read. The ending where her dream became obsolete when she helped another's come true was tragically accurate to how real life works out, even if reality doesn't have the magical elements of your story. Keep writing ❤

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