In Love with Another Man.

I had no reason being in love with a guy like him. Was it love? I wouldn’t call it that. Lust, maybe. No. It wasn’t just love... but was it? I didn't know, it was so complicated… it was like a hard algebra problem that you just couldn’t get right. 

Me plus him, times the square root of our secrecy divided by the x of how many times we saw each other throughout the day equaled our love. 

Our complicated, toxic, fucked up, love.  

“Helloooo…” Teedra waved her freshly manicured hand in my face. I guess I was staring into space. Ain’t no I guess, I was. 

“You said something?” I glanced over at her while she fished through clothing racks. 

“I said,” She rolled her eyes real hard. “Help me pick out something for this party tonight. And before you say anything, you going too.” I scrunched up my face and shook my head no. 

“I can’t, I already have plans.” 

“Plans? With who? Xavier is out of town on business honey.” I raised my eyebrow. How did she know where my husband was? I don’t recall telling Teedra about his whereabouts. I quickly shrugged it off. I stood awkwardly while she searched for clothes at our local Dollar Tree. Honestly, this was embarrassing. 

“What about this?” Teedra faced me while she held up a pair of jeans and a tank top that said “God’s Angel” in pink and sparkly letters. How ironic, she was nowhere near God’s Angel. And the jeans looked old and dusty. 

“Shirt is too small and the pants look..” my voice trailed off. “They look worn.” I don’t know why she insisted on purchasing clothes from here when she could just borrow clothes from me. Xavier bought me so many nice things that at one point I started giving my stuff to Teedra. I didn’t need any of it. I wasn’t a materialistic kinda girl. 

“Ok Miss. Rich.” She spat out with much attitude that seemed to come out of nowhere but I didn’t have time for her bullshit today. It was already bad enough being seen in a dump like this. 

“Lose the attitude, girl.” I rolled my eyes and she did the same as she dropped the clothes and walked towards the snack section. I didn’t have time to play hide and go seek with this girl. While I trailed behind her, the door chimed signaling that someone had walked into the store. I glanced my head towards the door and sized up the dude who strolled in with confidence. Another guy walked next to him with as much confidence. His skin reminded me of dark chocolate while the other had the skin complexion of cookie dough. They both looked good enough to eat. Me and Cookie Dough’s eyes met briefly and he smiled slightly and I did the same. No doubt, he was fine but I had a man. 

Two actually. 

“Ooooh girl he is FINE!” Teedra said, startling me because I thought she was looking for snacks. 

“Yeah, they are.” I agreed and we both watched like stalkers as they turned down the baby aisle. 

“Oh hell no. They got kids.” Teedra exclaimed and grabbed her a bag of chips and some Trail Mix. “Why all the fine dudes gotta have kids.” She sighed in defeat as I laughed and we walked to the checkout line. 

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“I am in love with you! You set me free, I can’t do this thing called life without you here with me because I’m dangerously in love with you-” 

Dangerously in Love by Beyonce came to an abrupt halt and I glared at Teedra who had turned off my speaker. 

“You not Beyonce. And you’re supposed to be getting ready, not sitting here singing.” Teedra had her towel wrapped around her body and she looked through her drawers to find some undergarments. Well they were my drawers but what’s mine was hers. 

“I said I’m not going.” 

“Why?” Teedra pouted. “What do you have to do that’s so important?” 

“Why you being so nosey?” I raised my eyebrow at her suspicion. She never pressured me like this. Usually when I said I didn’t want to go to a party she just said okay and went with Erin and Bre but now she was just doing too much. 

“None ya sweetie pie.” I joked trying to lighten the mood but she huffed.

“You've been being real sneaky lately. Let me find out.”

“Girl please,” I waved her off. “Ain’t nobody thinkin' 'bout you.” 

“Mhm.” Was all she said before she walked into my master bathroom to finish getting ready. 

Knowing she was going to be in there for a while, I placed my airpods in my ear and called my lover. I smiled when I heard his voice and seen his face through the phone. 

“Hey love.” 

He brushed his hair with his brush and smiled at the camera which made me smile. Damn, I loved me some him. 

“What’s up baby? You still sliding through tonight?” He questioned. 

“Yeah I’m just waiting for Teedra to leave then I’ll be over there. I miss you.” God, call me a baby but I felt like this was my soulmate. 

“Word? Show me how much you miss me when I see you.” He licked over his lips and we ended the call short when T walked out the bathroom. 

“Who was that?” She had on a pair of my jeans and my white crop top. Her makeup was done flawlessly and her hair was bone straight. Teedra was so pretty but she was just so.. ratchet.

“Mind your business T.” 

“I’ll be back later” And with that she exited me and my husband's room. 

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2:30 A.M. 

Running his hands through my kinky dark brown hair, I sighed heavily, not ever wanting to leave his arms. We were wrapped up in each other's embrace as reruns of the 90s hit show Martin was heard in the background. His apartment wasn’t much. In fact, it was a trap house. He stored all of his money and illegal narcotics in this home. In the walls, under the hardwood floors, in the cabinets. His bed was small compared to my King sized one, the paint was chipping off the walls, and the house had a really bad odor. But I didn’t care about any of that. I only cared about him. 

“Asad.” I called his name. 

“Hm?” 

“Whose are those?” I pointed at the black pair of Victoria Secret underwear that hung out of his drawer. I couldn’t really get upset because of our situation but dammit I was. 

“My girl’s.” He replied like what he said didn’t matter and I held my breath. 

“Since when did you get a girlfriend? I thought you were single?” I unwrapped his arms from around me and faced him. 

“Baby chill. It’s not even like that. Lay back down.” He attempted to reach out for me but I moved back. 

“Asad are you serious right now? You have a girlfriend.” My heart began to hurt because I loved him and I didn’t want to see him with anybody else. My eyes began to get watery and I felt like if I blinked I was going to cry. 

“Don’t start this crying shit man, damn. I said it wasn’t serious and why do you care anyway? You have a whole husband.” 

“T-that’s not the point. You knew my situation before you started talking to me Asad!” I was so pissed I could scream.

“So you can be happy with Xavier and I can’t be happy with my girl? That’s so backwards shorty and you know it. You can’t just pick and choose who you want to be with when you want to be with them. Life doesn’t revolve around you all the time. Get that through your thick ass skull. It’s either you want to be with me and only me or you go be with him. I’m done doing this with you, for real this time.” He expressed and then came the waterworks. 

I couldn’t believe this. Was he breaking up with me? 

“So what are you saying?” I watched as he got up off the bed and threw on a pair of boxers and then some jeans. “And where are you going? It’s 2 in the morning!” 

“I said what I said. Make up your mind. Me.” He pointed to himself. “Or him.” 

“What?! Are you serious right now? I can’t choose my boyfriend or my husband Asad, no. I’m not doing that.” 

“Fine, I’ll do it for you. Get your shit and get out. I’m having company.” My mouth flew open in shock and I just stared at him. Wow. I can’t believe this shit. I shook my head in pity as I gathered my belongings and put on my clothes. 

He didn’t even walk me to my car.

When I slid into the driver's seat I broke down in sobs. I had been seeing Asad for 4 years and I had been married to Xavier for 6. I was madly in love with both of them but Asad brought excitement to my boring life. He showed me so many things and I was so amazed and speechless at his street smart antics. I was used to the rich life since both of my parents were lawyers and my husband was a V.P. I couldn’t just choose. Having an affair with a drug dealer was already one thing but choosing between a V.P. and a drug dealer was definitely something else.