A Psychopath

“We say people can never change. They do. It is us who can’t change our perspective to see how they are trying.”

”You are a bad girl. What you just thought you could get away with this? I know your secret. Just yesterday you slapped me for being a jerk how the tables have turned now. I knew from the moment you stepped in the college, you were no good. You will have to pay for it”. The boy raised his knife and was about to stab her when she woke up. She tried to recall the face of the boy but couldn’t. She thought that it was just a bad dream. What she didn’t knew was that there is a very thin line between stable and insane, good and bad or life and death.

“Alice get down here”, called her mother, Petricia .Her mother, was conventional, strict and disciplined mother. She believed that children should be taught all ethics from the beginning itself. If a child commits a sin, it’s the parent’s fault. Alice’s dad died when she was 10. Patricia raised her all on her own. She was a control-freak who did not liked to share her domination powers. They lived in mansion by the Michigan Avenue Street. It was always peaceful there. Patricia had a few friends as she believed in the concept of quality rather than quantity. Alice admired her mother’s moral teachings but some of them seemed bullshit to her. Her mother believed in the act of forgiving as a bravery act which can be performed only by a few. But Alice had some different thoughts on this one.

“What? I am busy right now.” shouted Alice from her room. Her room was on second floor because she liked it there. Alice knew what she was in for but still doubted it.

How could she know? It’s not even out yet. But she is a researcher and detective sort of mum , she might have found out. She sounds so angry. No. She might be intelligent but she trusts me a lot. She couldn’t have known. Besides she should be happy to know. It’s not a sin. I did what I thought was best for me. Alice was pondering over her thoughts when her mother came in her room. She was a bit startled. Her mother hadn’t even worn her clothes yet. She was still in her robe which meant she got up late. She came to her directly. She was maybe having a bad hair day, I guess, which could be the only explanation for her dry, fizzy hair. Alice thought this was it. Her maintained good records with her were all ruined. She ruined it. She wondered what sort of punishment was there for her for this kind of act.

“You know you can share everything with me. There is nothing to hide. I understand that sometimes I come on as little harsh to you. But I only what’s  best for you. Discipline is what will help you achieve success in life. I planned everything for you because I knew what was best for you. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a voice.” said her mother.

Alice was surprised for a minute there; she doubted if she was even her mother. Her mother had always been so strict that Alice never knew sharing feelings is something she is allowed. She has 2 best friends, but neither of them she believe are close enough  for her to share her feelings with. She always feared that if she told anyone what she had done and how she feels about it ,it would ruin everything. But now her mother was standing in front of her, asking her to actually pour her heart out. At this moment, Alice felts this was kind the mother she deserved . This was kind the mother she always dreamed of having. She would feel  a bit light. She was about to pour it out, being free of this sin forever. It was not her fault and she shouldn’t be afraid.

“Mom, I..I..I did it..” She burst into tears. She couldn’t hold it any longer. Her mother hugged her tightly. She caressed her hairs. She felt really bad for putting her daughter in this situation. She whispered in her ears” look i know you applied for Julliard School.  It’s okay. All this time, I prepared you to make you independent and so skilled so that you achieve anything you want .If this is your dream then go for it. Don’t let me come in your way. She hugged her tighter. Alice gave a small smile to her mother. She stared working on her laptop as soon as her mother left. Alice didn’t felt right because the weight was still there.

Julliard school offered her a scholarship .Alice and Petricia were really happy. Petricia was praying when Alice got down with her luggage. Alice always travelled with Petricia, but now the time had come for her to go alone.

“I would miss you, darling” said her mother. She tried a lot to hide her tears; Alice could see that. As she hugged her mother, she was reminded of her past.

Stop it. What the hell are you doing? Stop it. Are you insane? What is this? A knife?Put it down immediately!!!!......

The boy cried in distance. You are a sociopath. You should go to the doctor. Alice was standing there over his body. She had blood on her hands and her clothes. The boy said “you made a mistake you will regret your whole life.”

“What happened dear?” Asked her mother. “Why do you have sweats on your face?”

 Alice came back to the reality and saw it was just an imagination. She saw her mother became worried and assured her everything was fine.

It was her first day of college. Alice was very excited. She wore her ripped jeans and a crop top which said F.R.I.E.N.D.S in bolds. She was playing with her bangs when she was knocked out by Noah. Noah was a senior. He was the college’s most popular guy. He was from department of science and technology. He had one year to complete his bachelors program.

“Are u okay?” Asked Noah. Noah had beautiful eyes. He seemed like the guy from a Cinderella movie. Alice couldn’t say anything. She was just staring at him in amazement. Everyone was watching them.

“Yo! Look at them. Go get a room guys.” shouted one of the boys from the crowd. Hearing this Alice quickly stood up.

“I am so sorry”

“No, it’s okay. It was my fault. I was clumsy. Are you new?

Yeah. My name is Alice.

My name is Noah.

They got up. Noah felt there was something different about her. He felt as if they had met before.

Alice got her books and went straight to the class. Gwen and lee were waiting for her there.

She ran as fast as she could.

“I am so sorry guys.”

“Why were you even late?”Asked Gwen. Gwen was the kind of friend who was always poking her nose in people’s business. Maybe it had to do with the fact that her parents kept their divorce a secret for 10 years from her; she got so insecure about her surrounding that she wanted to know everything.

“Ummm I don’t know a guy just knocked into me while i was coming and I introduced myself to him. There was something different about him. I don’t know but I got a strange vibe from him.”

“Ohooh . Tell me everything. Don’t miss any details.” Lee said.

“It was nothing guys lets go.”

Of course they did. But she couldn’t.

There was something in his eyes like he knew something. That stare, it felt like he was seeing through her. She felt really insecure. She felt scared. That look. Well, he can’t possibly know that.

 Her first college day was not as she had anticipated. Putting all of this aside she stared reading her favourite book” in true blood” when she saw Gwen.

“Hey Alice”

 It was Gwen.

There is a boy here to see you. She giggled. Before Alice could say anything, Noah entered her room. He looked serious. That look was still there which made it very uncomfortable for Alice to look at him in his eyes.

“Look , there’s something I wanna talk about. But not here.I think it would be best if we talked about this in private.” Alice agreed.

“Come, let’s go Alice. Stop thinking about him”

Alice came back to the reality and realized she was the only one left in the class.

“Alice listen to me. I understand how hard it is for you, but you gotta move on with your life. He isn’t gonna come back. “ said Gwen.

Alice stood there still thinking about it. Gwen had tried several ways to cheer her up but she had failed. Alice used to daydream about him and all the things that led up to that incident. She used to cry in her washroom. Gwen felt really bad for her. She wished she could help her but she couldn’t.

The next morning, Alice went out for her daily walk when she saw him. She couldn’t believe her eyes. He was right there.

“No, this can’t be true.” She whispered. He smiled at her. She couldn’t move her hand to wave even. She just stood there. Noah came up to her and asked her to sit down.

“But hhhh how....?youuu......?no? bb bbut.”she kept muttering. He took her hand: that’s when all the memories of that night came back.

They were standing at the back of the college. The wind was blowing really fast as if to indicate a hurricane. She was really nervous. Noah felt a bit uneasy because of what he was about to say. He didn’t knew how to phrase it. What he was about to say might change her life. Or even hurt her. But he had to do it.

“Look, i know it.”

 Alice was shocked; how could he know about it?. Alice took a step backward as to not aware of how to deal with it. She gathered up all her courage and asked,”What do you know exactly?”

“I understand. It was not your fault. You were young; you were scared. I understand how trauma...”

“Hey, Alice ... I am talking to you?” Noah shook her a bit to make her come to reality. He knew how living in the past in spite of being in present can affect you. It takes you to your mistakes, moments you wish hadn’t happened. Noah wanted to explain himself to her.

“Alice, I know you might be curious to know what happened after you left. You stabbed in my chest cavity which could have been enough to kill me but I guess that’s why people call it miracle. After you left, my friends came and directly took me to the hospital. The doctor said that if they had been even one minute late, he might not have been able to save me. I am lucky so as to not have any long-term injury. Don’t worry your secret is still safe with me. I haven’t told anyone about that. I just don’t understand one thing: why did you try to hurt me? Was the reason so bad?”

Alice took a deep breath and looked at Noah. She knew she had told it now or never. Besides he deserved to know the truth. After everything that happened, he still tried to save Alice. She had to tell him.

“First of all, i want to set some ground rules. You can’t tell anybody about it. If you do, you know what i am capable of.” Noah laughed a bit. Alice saw this humorous too and laughed with him. They both sat at each other for a moment when Alice broke the silence.

“I was 9 years old when it happened. I was just sitting there minding my own business, when my mom, the real one, came to me and asked me about my day. I told her all about how I was feeling and how a kid, zona, bullied me and I peed in my pants. She swear on it that she wouldn’t tell anybody. But she did. She told my dad. I was so mad at her. You gotta understand me.”

“So you killed her?” asked Noah. He was surprised. He thought there was a reasonable explanation for all of this, but this was insanity.

Alice held Noah’s face and looked him in the eyes. His eyes were now blank. He was definitely surprised.

“I tried to kill u because I was afraid that if anybody knew it ...I... I made a mistake all right.” Alice burst into tears. Noah looked at her and wondered if she cried when he almost died. It was too much for him to take in. When he was in hospital, he decided to keep his distance form Alice. He thought she was a psychopath and dangerous. So without giving any proper reasons, he changed his college. He asked his friends not to share any information of his whereabouts to anyone because he was scared. Now, sitting on this park bench knowing the reasons, he didn’t knew how he felt. Alice was crying with her face buried in her hands.

“Alice, I understand what you did was stupidity because you were young but what you did with me is not justified. You know that?” Noah said.

“Yeah I know. And i am really sorry for what I did to you. I told you I was scared. Please Noah, try to understand me.”

“The main reason I came to talk to you was to understand the reason behind your action. I tried. But it’s insanity. I think you should see a psychotherapist. You might be a psychopath or a sociopath.”

When Alice heard him, she stared him in the eyes. She couldn’t believe what she heard. He tried to call her mentally disabled.

“Alice .. Alice are you listening?” Alice didn’t respond. She stared blankly on the wall for a few minutes. Noah shook her but there was no response. It was as if she was there but she wasn’t. He got really scared. He ran away.

Next day, he saw the news. His heart was beating so fast. His hands were trembling. Alice was dead. She was found dead on the park seat bench. There were no signs of murders but a complete loss of sense of everything. It was like her brain stopped working. According to the reports , it was likely caused due to anxiety or stress. While, Noah knew the exact reason.

He was sipping tea while reading this.

Hey, bro there is some mail for you. said ross.Noah opened it . It was a letter.

Dear Noah,

I thought we were friends. You were my prince charming. When i touched you,I felt as if finally someone is able to see through me,in my soul. My sub-conscious was trusting you. I thought i could tell u everything. I thought you were the only one who would actually understand me. If u wondered ,when you were missing I cried a lot. It was my fault. I could never forgive myself. I started self-sabotage. I took many anxiety pills. You don’t even know what trauma you put me through. And suddenly, one day you came and told me I was a psychopath. I am not a psychopath. I have feelings. I too cry. I too fell bad and hurt. Just because you didn’t saw it, doesn’t mean I am not normal. What I did was a stupid act, and i regret it every second of my life. You don’t know that. I understand you have psychic cognitive skills but there are somethings  that you can’t see. I wasn’t a psychopath till now, but I am now. You are going to pay for it. Don’t worry, it won’t cost you your life, but it will cost you your sanity. Remember, you made me what I am today. By the way, the new reporter guy did a great job on the news, didn’t he? What, you thought you were the only one who had hypnotic knowledge? That night, you hypnotised me? Didn’t you? Things which even i didn’t knew, which were in my sub-conscious mind, you took it out. I don’t know why you did this but soon I am going to find out. You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into.

Take care. And don’t try to find me. Remember, this isn’t my first time  being disguised and leaving my past behind . I  will come in front of you when you won’t be expecting it. I am coming for you soon.

Your  not so friend

Alice

Noah dropped the letter after reading it and threw it in the dustbin. But in his heart, he knew what she was capable of. After all, he knew all about it?didn't he?