A close encounter with ME

14:33. The song “take me back” is blasting through the earphones on the floor. As Jamie opened his eyes and attempted to get up from the floor, his body was giving in; it felt heavy, it felt as if he was out of control. He thought that he had died and that his suicide attempt was not even an attempt anymore. He looked around and convinced himself that he was having an out of body experience and that his mind was trying to make sense of the situation. He continued looking around and trying to regain full consciousness by focusing his eyes and body movement on the huge black dot on his wall. He tried to remember how there was a dot on the wall; “Meditation class? Creating a focus point in your space” he uttered as he slowly began to make sense of what was happening and what he was feeling. His phone rings – he gathers his thoughts to following the sound and once he gets hold of it, he answers without even checking the caller ID;

“Jamie? I’ve been trying to call you. Are you okay?”

“Uh? Who are you?”

“Really Jamie? There is no time for your games… listen, there’s a party that I’ve managed to get us access to. There’s a condition though. They need your bubbly and most quirky self to be the MC. You’re legit the happiest person I know, remember me telling you that – now your state of being is opening doors for you”

Jamie dropped the phone and tried to make way to his couch. He tried to remember the significance of the couch since everything in his apartment made moral and mental sense; nothing that was not supposed to be there was there…“Mom got this couch for me, my twenty-fourth birthday gift – that and the wooden dining set” he said as he slowly slipped into a coma.

17:40. The song “You’ve arrived” is heard in the background. Drenched in sweat, panicking, Jamie woke up from the ‘dream’ he was having. He quickly leaped up from the couch and looked around the apartment while patting himself everywhere, “Am I alive? What the hell is happening here?”. He noticed something different about the apartment, “Woah… where the hell am I?” – it was his apartment, but it wasn’t really his apartment. It looked rusty and raggedy, it looked old like an older person lived there – a person whose life was way beyond the stage of figuring it out. There was a sound that came from the kitchen, plates being moved – in a very hostile manner, “If you don’t want to wash the dishes then don’t” he uttered under his breath. He moved closer to the kitchen and saw nothing – well at least, no one. He peeped into the corner of the kitchen and still, nothing. “What the hell is going on here?” he said as he moved towards the sink, where he saw no dishes, “That isn’t shocking” he said as he looked around the kitchen and sink. He looked around and noticed that there was a tape recorder close to the living room door, “A tape recorder? Do they even still make these?” he said as he casually laughed. Underneath the recorder, he noticed a newspaper and the date on it ‘14^TH JUNE 1995’,

“What… I was five in 1995 – the year Lucy was born” he said as he opened up the newspaper, “fourteenth June, the day I was a big brother… the day grandma died” he continued.

As soon as he opened up the newspaper, the television went on. He jumped up and swung the newspaper towards the direction of the television, “Who’s there?” he said. Nothing. As the television screen continued playing the norm, static, Jamie walked up to it and tried to change the channel. He pressed all the buttons until he landed at zero;

WE INTERRUPT OUR DAILY SCHEDULE TO GIVE YOU BREAKING NEWS; AN ACCIDENT HAS OCCURRED ON HIGHWAY FOUR, UNFORTUNATELY LEAVING TWELVE DEAD AND FIVE INJURED.

Jamie checked the newspaper date again, this time looking like he had just figured something out. He checked the time and leaped out of the sofa; “this can’t be” he said as he held his head. He continued listening in on the television broadcast;

THE NAMES OF SOME OF THE DECEASED HAVE BEEN ACQUIRED FROM THEIR IDENTIFICATION CARDS, AND IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER; DOROTHY MARKS, SISTERS CASEY AND ZELIA BROWN, AMELIA CHASE, CURTIS GREEN, TIMOTHY MCKINNON, DOROTHY KANE, FIONA CROSSWORLD, EUNICE GCHECBERCH AND LINDA JAMIE TOBIN.

Jamie walked over to the television in order to listen in on the broadcast but as soon as he approached the screen, it went blank; “What? No no no no… come on” he said as he banged the top of the television.

“They said Linda Jamie Tobin, that’s grandma – today is the day she died isn’t it?” he murmured, “What the hell is going on?”.

He walked over to the dining room table and surfed through the papers that were there, he found his grandmother’s picture and a letter – he opened the letter but was interrupted by laughter. He was so startled by what he had just heard that he crumbled up the letter and placed it in his back pocket; “Who are you? What do you want?” he said. Suddenly he heard a woman screaming from the main bedroom; he leaped up, grabbed the newspaper and rolled it into a makeshift bat while slowly creeping up into the room. He tried to be as silent as possible, making the least sound and trying to be careful. As soon as he got to the room, he looked through the crack and couldn’t see anything suspicious, he held the door handle and another scream came from the room causing him to leap back with so much force that he accidentally pushed the door open. He couldn’t believe his eyes; it was his mom, his younger and pregnant mother pushing on the bed – or her ghost pushing on the bed.

“Mom” he called out, “are you okay?”

Nothing, no response and no recognition. It was like she couldn’t hear him, but he could hear everything. Suddenly the main door swung wide open and a familiar face walked through. From where he lay, he could see everything – every activity happening in the apartment. As he tried to familiarize himself with the setting, he noticed that the familiar face was his stepfather, his mother’s second husband and his sister’s biological father – it was David. He stood up from the floor and ran towards David; “Dave, you need to help me – I don’t know what’s going on with me” he said as he tried to grab David’s arm. His hands slid right through David’s frame. Just like his mother, David could not hear Jamie. Suddenly the radio went off;

IT’S 19:00 AND WE’RE BRINGING OUR DAILY MIX TO YOU – FEATURING AN AMAZING LINEUP AND OUR SPECIAL GUESTS: OUR FAVORITE 95’ GIRL GROUP HITTING US WITH THEIR CLASSIC POPULAR HIT; THE DAY I GOT AWAY

Jamie kept slipping in and out of consciousness, it felt as if the radio presenter was referring to his suicide attempt; the day he got away… but did he really get away? He stumbled over, trying to make his way back to the bedroom but was interrupted by David carrying his mother to the couch. He followed David around and tried to make sense of what was happening; “David! I am not about to have this baby on my mother’s couch! And where is she anyway. She’s supposed to be home right now – Jamie needs to be collected from the babysitter’s place” Jamie’s mom said as she breathed deeply. Jamie figured out the chain of events; he was at his grandmother’s apartment… the day she died, and the day Lucy was born. It was 1995. It all started to make sense; his memories were beginning to make way to the moment. He hadn’t been in this apartment since that day, he totally forgot everything about it; how it looked, how it felt, and the dusty smell mixed with pine freshener. He remembered it all as he looked around the place.

He walked up to his mother on the couch and attempted to talk to her;

“Can you hear me? Mom” he said as he began slipping out of consciousness. Something caught his eye, something beneath the couch. He went on his knees and picked it up, it was a silver tin can. He sat against the couch and was surrounded by the overwhelming sounds of; his mother’s heavy breathing, the television static, the annoying and yet catchy song on the radio and David’s frantic pacing. He opened the tin can and was met by a picture of his mom and a picture of him – his younger self. He tossed the pictures to the side and saw a small cube shaped note, he couldn’t even get himself to holding it properly due to how weak he was feeling. He opened the note and read it out loud;

“TODAY HAS BEEN MY WEAKEST. TODAY HAS NOT GIVEN ME ANY LIGHT OR LIFE – THIS IS MY LAST. I’M NOT EVEN SORRY BUT I THINK MY FAMILY WILL BE RELIEVED”

Suddenly; a flood of memories came back to him. He remembered how he always used to ask his mom why his grandmother seemed so sad all the time, why she seemed so unhappy. He remembered the time his grandmother would sing the song ‘the day I got away’ with a smile on her face, as if it meant more than getting away from a toxic lover. He remembered how he was never allowed to be left alone with her. He then realized that the accident on Highway four was no accident, it was it. It was her suicide attempt. He tried to get up but couldn’t, he felt paralyzed and weak. He lay on the floor and it took nothing for him to slip into another coma.

21:06. Jamie was lying on the floor, next to the couch. The song “The day I got away” being played right through his loud earphones from his “90’s music” playlist. He slowly opened his eyes and allowed them to wander around the room. He sat up and looked around the room, it was his apartment – his actual apartment this time. He stood up and sat on the couch, looking at his phone and following every beat of the song. He reached for the joint on the coffee table and looked around for the lighter, he reached into his back pocket and found a crumbled-up letter.

“What is this?” he said as he opened it up

MY DEAREST JAMIE. YOU AND I HAVE BEEN FAR CONNECTED, NOT ONLY BY BLOOD BUT BY THE STARS. I PRAY YOU DON’T FORGET ME. IF YOU DO MY BOY, I’LL TAKE YOU BACK TO WHERE WE FIRST MET; THE DAY I WALKED IN TO YOUR MOTHER HOLDING YOU ON THE CREAKY WOODEN FLOOR IN MY APARTMENT, BESIDE THE UGLY COUCH. YOUR LOVING GRANDMOTHER ON THE DAY SHE FINALLY GOT AWAY.

JUNE 14^TH, 1995.