A Boy's Best Friend

A ratty old teddy bear. The left side’s seams are broken halfway down the bear, its white stuffing beginning to spill out of the side. One buttoned eye is missing, while the other hangs loosely, as if it could fall off at any minute. “Can I have it? Pleasseee? I want it so bad.” Jonah whines.

“No,” she replies. “Not today.” She looks more anxious than usual, lines of worry etched across her face. Jonah does not understand. He wants the teddy bear, and therefore he should get it.

“Why not?” He asks again. It is not a good day for her. She is tired from working at the factory all day and did not have enough money to buy a sufficient dinner for her children.

 “Because I said so. Jonah, let’s go,” she replies. Jonah still wants the bear but knows better than to argue with her when she is tired and worried. The man behind the counter watches the mother and son leave the store. The mother takes her son’s hand as they walk out the door and an interesting thought comes to the man. “Funny,” he thought, “she can pay for a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey, which hardly seem like essentials, but she can’t buy her son a ratty old teddy bear.”

“How much?”

“What?”

“The Teddy Bear. How much?”

“Oh,” Jonah sighs, coming back to the present. “Um, I don’t know. Maybe twenty?”

“Twenty dollars for a ratty old teddy bear? The whole left side is open with stuffing spilling out.” The man points at the bear’s dysfunctional face. “And it’s missing an eye.” Before Jonah could get in another word, the customer grabs his daughter’s hand and pulls her away.

“But I want the teddy bear, daddy!” she screams to her father, looking back at the teddy bear as they walk away.

“I know, honey, we’ll find another one.” He comforts her by picking her up and putting her on his shoulders. She instantly starts giggling and seemingly forgets about the teddy bear.  

As they walk away, Jonah sneaks another glance at the teddy bear.

They get home, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol welcoming them as they open the front door.

“What the hell, Mom,” Gabi greets them in the dimly lit kitchen as they settle into the house. “You said you would be home by six.” She scowls at Mom, wearing her usual t-shirt covered in stains and holes, and shorts that almost act as if they are underwear.

“Well, I had to pick up your brother and then run some errands.” She quickly glances at Jonah, as if he is a burden to all of them.

 “Mom wouldn’t buy me the teddy bear.” Jonah whispers, as if he shouldn’t be speaking.

“Yeah I believe that,” Gabi responds. She looks at the items Mom has brought into the house, symbols of the “errands she had to run.” Gabi sighs. “Mom, errands don’t include cigarettes and whiskey. Is there dinner or what?” She says in response to Mom’s excuse.

“Whatever’s in the fridge is what’s for dinner,” Mom says, tirelessly. “Hopefully you can find something.”

“Wow, nutritious,” Gabi mutters as she saunters over to the loudly whirring fridge that barely has enough room for more than a couple of items. She glances at the almost empty fridge, contemplating what she can do so she doesn’t starve for another night. “Forget it,” she says almost in a whisper, tears collecting at the corner of her eyes, daring to stream down her face.

“Jonah! I think we should close up for the day.” Gabi’s voice pulls Jonah back. “This garage sale has not been very successful and I’m getting tired,” she shouts from the other side of the yard.

“Yeah, okay.” He replies. She gets up from her spot by the old records and goes into the house. “I’m right behind you.” He takes one more look at all of the boxes, then heads inside.

She won’t wake up. He pushes her as hard as he can. He yells her name as loud as he can. Nothing works. Gabi walks into the room, confused about the loud noise at such an early hour on a weekend. “What the hell, Jonah, why are you being so loud?” Jonah doesn’t respond, and he doesn’t have to. Gabi’s eyes glaze over Mom, the stillness of her body, her fingers dangling from the bed, the empty bottle of medication open on the floor, and a half-full bottle of whiskey left on the nightstand. Gabi pushes Jonah back, telling him to grab the phone and call 911. Jonah is frozen in place, but Gabi’s insistence moves him.

“How was your day?” Gabi asks, bringing Jonah back to the present.

“Fine. Slow day at the garage sale.”

“Yeah.” She laughs. “Hey, maybe we should just donate everything. All our stuff is too old for people to actually pay a good price for it. Maybe give the toys to an orphanage or something.”

The word orphanage makes him cringe. “Yeah, good idea.”

“I’ll look into it tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. What will the next day bring? What will they do without her? Aren’t they better off without her? But everyone needs a mother, even as crappy as theirs was. Thoughts that most children don’t have to deal with swirl around Gabi and Jonah’s heads as they sit in the police car. Jonah is crumpled into a ball, leaning against the side of the car. Gabi is still in her pajamas, unfocused and breathing hard. Where will they go? Gabi glances at Jonah, wondering if they will be separated. She gets out of the car, realizing she needs something. The policemen tell her she needs to get back in the car, but she insists, shaking off their gentle insistence to go back to the car. She explains to them that she needs it, for him, in case they can’t be together. They agree, and all file back into the car. Jonah falls asleep in the back of the car, too tired to ask where they are going. He is jostled awake a little while later by Gabi, who is holding the teddy bear from yesterday. The one from the store. She hands it to him. “It’ll be okay,” she whispers. He nods, cuddles the bear and falls back asleep.  

He can’t sleep. Jonah opens his eyes and checks the clock, disappointed by the early time it reads. He rolls around in bed, trying to get comfortable, only to realize he is feeling unsettled and has to get up. He sits up in bed, thinking about that day.

The day that changed everything. For the worse or better, he isn’t exactly sure.

“Are you sure this is where we are supposed to be?” Gabi asks, holding one of Jonah’s hands, his other hand tightly holding his teddy bear. They look up and down the tall building. Middle Brooks Orphanage, the sign hanging over the front door reads. The woman from CPS nods her head, gently pushing them forward and talking about how excited they should be. “This is one of the best orphanages in the state,” she mentions, as if they are supposed to be impressed. Neither Gabi nor Jonah responds, and the three of them walk into the orphanage. The woman continues talking, as if anyone is even listening to her. “Good news is you won’t have to be separated. They can keep both of you here, together.” She smiles at both of them. This eases the tension a bit, and Jonah tightens his grip around both the teddy bear and Gabi’s hand.

Jonah wakes up with his hands clenched. Surprised he was able to fall back asleep after his interrupted night, he finds that he fell asleep on the couch, instead of his bedroom, after walking around the house for hours, trying not to wake Gabi up. Gabi walks into the room, already dressed and ready for the day, holding two cups of coffee.

“Wow, rough night?” She jokes. Jonah nods, explaining his terrible night. “Ugh, that’s too bad. I have some news that might cheer you up, though,” she says, as she passes him a cup.

“Oh, yeah, what’s that?” Jonah asks, as he takes the cup from her, warming his hands.

“I contacted Middle Brooks. They said they would love to take all those toys and books off our hands,” Gabi says, smiling sadly. “What do you think?” She looks up at him, expectantly, waiting for his response.

“Oh. That’s good, I think.” Jonah says cautiously, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah,” she says quietly, “I think it’s a good thing to do.” She pauses. “Do you think it’ll be weird going back?” She asks, addressing what they were both thinking, as she looks up at him.

He meets her gaze. “There’s no way it won’t be. But it’ll be good to be back. I wonder if Susan is still there,” Jonah responds, trying to lighten the mood. He stretches his legs and starts getting up from the couch.

“Wow, I totally forgot about Susan,” Gabi smiles, thinking back to when they first arrived at the orphanage. “If she is, she must be ancient.”

A red-haired woman who must be in her sixties meets them in the office, where the chatty woman from CPS left them. She introduces herself as Susan and starts explaining about how things work. She says she’s sorry about their loss and wants to hear more about Mom. Neither Gabi nor Jonah feel the need to reply, so she leaves it as a comment and not a question, and continues on to describe the other children their age in the orphanage, where they will be staying and what meals are like. Jonah feels numb, as if he isn’t really there, and this is a bad dream. He rubs his eyes to try to wake up, but nothing happens. Gabi fidgets with her fingers under the table, avoiding Susan’s gaze. Susan finally finishes her speech, without Gabi or Jonah saying anything, and she shows them around the building, pointing out the bedrooms, the bathrooms, and the cafeteria. “I think you’re both really going to like it here.”

They are here. It didn’t take as long as they thought it would to pack everything up in the car, so they stopped for food along the way. When they get there, they are ready to bring everything in. Susan meets them in the front, greeting them as they walk up the stairs. Gabi glances at Jonah and makes a face, as if to say Wow, she is still here. And she is ancient! Jonah shyly smiles at the exchange and Susan hugs both of them. “It is so good to see both of you! You look so grown up!” They smile at her and tell her it is nice to see her as well. She welcomes them into the building, and memories flood their heads. Susan tells them where they can bring all of their boxes. They pass by a couple of kids laughing in the hallway and Jonah cringes.

Susan wasn’t happy. They knew she wouldn’t be happy. This time it wasn’t their fault. It just wasn’t a good match. Susan agreed that they could be together and stay together. She told them that if a family wanted them, they would get both of them. But that made it harder. It meant that the family needed to like both Jonah and Gabi, which didn’t always happen. It had been five years, and still nothing. Gabi was almost eighteen now, and Jonah was almost a teenager. No one would want them. Jonah held his teddy bear tightly as Susan walked into the room, surprisingly not wearing a scowl on her face. The teddy bear had gotten rattier over the years, from being dragged to the cafeteria, to the bathroom, to meetings with potential families. The left side of the bear that was once starting to open up, its contents beginning to spill out, was now fully open and had significantly lost stuffing that used to be there. The seams on the right side were starting to slowly open as well, white stuffing peeking out. The eye that used to hang loosely was barely hanging by a thread, daring to fall off at any moment. Jonah knew he was starting to get too old to carry a teddy bear everywhere, but he couldn’t get rid of it. It meant everything to him. “Are you mad?” He asked Susan as she walked into the room and sat down on the bed opposite Gabi and Jonah. She smiled, the smile reaching the wrinkles around her eyes.

“No,” she said softly, “I’m not mad. I know it will happen when it’s the right time.” She smiled at them, knowing she didn’t need to say anything else.

“So, anything else? Or is this everything?” Susan asked.

“That’s everything,” Gabi replied, sighing as she slowly dropped the last box on the floor.

“Great! Well this all looks amazing! Is some of this your mom’s stuff?”

“Yeah,” Jonah replied, “a lot of it is actually. They put it into storage a long time ago, and they just recently asked us to pick it up.

“I’m glad you brought it here. We could always use more toys and books.”

“Yeah,” Gabi agrees, smiling “I remember.”

Susan smiles at the two of them. She always wished she could take care of them herself, but she knew a family would be better for them. It was just a shame it had never happened. As they start saying goodbye, a little boy, around seven years old, walks by them. Susan smiles at him, and he notices the teddy bear peeking out of one of the boxes labeled TOYS.

He runs over to the box. “Whoa! That’s such an ugly teddy bear!” He exclaims. “I love it!” As he grabs it from the box, more stuffing falls out of both sides and the loosely hanging lonely eye finally falls off. “Oh,” he says, as the single eye falls off the bear. “Sorry.”

Jonah goes over to the boy. “It’s okay,” he says. “You know, I have had that teddy bear since I was your age. And I brought it to this orphanage with me.”

The boy looks up at him. “Really? You lived here?”

“Yeah, we both did.” Gabi responds, smiling. “We really liked it here.”

The little boy smiles up at all three of them, tightly holding onto the teddy bear. Jonah takes a deep breath and finds that he’s ready to let go. Not just the teddy bear, but his mom, the orphanage, everything.

“Hey, you can take it if you want,” Jonah says, nonchalantly.

“Thanks!” The boy runs away just as fast as he showed up.

Susan watches the boy run away. “I remember that bear. It was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. I tried to grab it out of your hands while you were sleeping to clean it and stitch it up, but I could never wriggle it out of your grasp," she comments.

Jonah laughs. “Yeah, I never wanted to let go.”

“Please, don’t let go, Gabi!” Jonah says as he holds onto his sister’s hands. They had talked about this. She was eighteen now. She wanted to stay with him, but she knew it was the right thing to leave. He also knew. He was older now, he knew she needed to live her own life, not be with him to protect him anymore. “Jonah, I have to.” She lets his hands go. “I will be back to visit next week. Okay?” He nods. “I’m not leaving, I’m just going somewhere else for a bit. I’ll be back to see you all the time. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says, he loosens his grip on her hands. He holds his teddy bear tighter as he watches her walk down the stairs to the car waiting for her. Before getting into the car, she turns around and smiles at him. “I’ll be back,” she says one more time. “Besides, you don’t need me anymore. You have teddy.” She gets in the car.

Jonah looks down at the teddy bear. Yeah, he thought, I have teddy.