A Row of Lights

"Don't step on the marigolds!" Sondra's warning was to Fina. The little girl was straddling the bright path of petals that led from the altar to the screen door. The colorful offerings of cakes, toys, and flowers had filled the ofrenda's shelves, and the votive candles were ready to be lit. Fina's older sister, Ari, pulled her away from trouble. In the dining room, their father Eddie was staring at the perfect vela. The bright orange candle sat on top of a spread of flattened newspaper. It was the perfect color: orange red like his mother's hair. "Dad", Ari asked, "who is that for?" "My mother", he answered. He had been sure for some months that it was time to cross his mother off the "lost" column and move her into the "passed" column. Looking for what was lost was making less sense. He was ready to finally wrap the candle up and put it away for good. Ari put her hand on her dad's arm, but Jessy had already overheard and snatched the candle up from the table, pulling it away from Eddie's grasp. "No," he said with surety. "You don't know where she is." Eddie faced him. "It's not your business. It's been thirty years. She is not lost. She is gone." And sadly, Sondra and Ari, Carmen, Randal and Fina, would never know her. He turned to Sondra knowing his wife would solve this thing. "I want it ended," he told her flatly. "I want two parts; the part when I thought she was here, and the part after. I can go on knowing it is over." He stared hard at Jessy. He was not going to fight with this boy. Eddie looked at the large, framed butterfly on their mantle, the one that had made the long journey from Mexico. If the monarchs could travel between the border of two great lands, why couldn't souls come back and tell us where they were living now? His memories of his mother were almost completely snuffed out. He only saw her as a butterfly, her orange hair morphing into the wings of a great monarch. Maybe he was the hijo that was lost. Sondra gently pulled the candle from Jessy and placed it back on the table. "We'll leave it here," she insisted. "Until we know." At that, Eddie stormed out of the house past the altar, crushing the path of marigold petals and slamming the screen door. "Mama," Final called out. "He is going to be in big trouble!" Jessy began to follow Eddie when Sondra stepped in front, carrying the plate for the dead with its mini pan de muertos and pumpkin chunks drowned in syrup. Eddie was already heading to the concrete bench facing the street. His heel was angrily tamping on the sidewalk, his face in his hands. Sondra approached slowly and sat beside him, placing the plate between them. He turned to her. "It's not his business," he repeated through clenched teeth. "Eddie", she said, "you know Jessy has no mother. He lost that chance. Maybe he has hope that you'll still find yours". Eddie looked at her, confused. "What does that do for him? " She put her arm around his back. "You know how some people find joy in the suffering of others?" "Yes," Eddie admitted, "we know those people". "And," she said, " you know what rejoice means?" Eddie stared straight ahead, thinking seriously. "Yes, it means to joice twice." Was it a vocabulary lesson? Sondra smiled. "You can also find joy in the happiness of others. In the happiness of anyone. " She waited for the right explanation to come to her. "If you were with your mother, Jessy would feel complete. That something - a victory - had been accomplished. If you were happy, Jessy would be happy." This news was incredible to Eddie. "On what planet does this happen? And you know, you know I am too grumpy to ever be really happy." He shifted his hands to his pockets and leaned back. He turned to Sondra. "I want that boy gone". She put her hands on his shoulder. "Eddie....." He looked at the plate with the food for the dead, the ones that had no one to remember them. More often than not, Sondra took Jessy's side. Why couldn't things be settled? "I belong out here," he said morosely, "with the ones that have no one to remember them." She gave him a quick kiss. "Come in when you're ready. Soon." She patted his hand. That night, when the souls of the dead made their return, Eddie dreamed by the candles fading on the ofrenda. He imagined his relatives floating like ghosts over the saguaros and scrub. The world was black, and there appeared in front of him a pathway made of two rows of candles, orange like the marigolds that led the dead to the altar. "What was at the end?" Eddie thought, starting down the path. Up ahead, the space seemed lighter. As he walked forward, he thought up ahead everything would be fine. The path went on forever. He was afraid to look on either side where there was only darkness. Was this the path the dead followed on their long journey? He concentrated only on going ahead to the space where light and answers lay. Then, in front, a solitary monarch appeared. It wings beat so slowly, floating, reddish against the black space. He could hear its wings beating a heartbeat. Then just as quickly it shot out of view. Suddenly, he realized further up, there were no more candles lining the ground. The path in front had ended. Frightened, he turned around and faced a gust of wind. He watched helplessly as the candles now before him were snuffed out. The lights continued to go out all the way, darkness travelling all the way back to the beginning of the path from where he had started. And then he was left there, alone, in darkness. - R. L. Mars