Please Choose Me

Dawn had just sprung as I approach the corner of the Burners Mansion. Few cars could be seen on the road this early. Even though the neighbourhood was big, few could afford to stay here. Not to mention, with the size forests and land separating each house, it was a challenge to run into people.

Not running into people was better for me; anyway, it was the only time I had to clear my head. It had been three years already, and many memories had already faded. Though, one thing that hadn't been diluted by time was his smile. It didn't help that I woke up to that picture every day, I chuckled to myself as I contemplated moving that picture from my bedside. I guess it’s never really a good time to move on, you just do, huh.

I breathe deeply as I turned the corner. I was taken aback by the man leaning on the car in front of the gate. I tried to recall if I was expecting someone, but nothing came to mind. The security for the neighbourhood was extraordinary, so not just anyone one could get in. Moreover, the houses were quite a distance away from each other; it would be hard to get the wrong address.

‘Please don’t be something annoying,’ I made a silent prayer as I slowly approached the man’s back.

Suddenly, my steps came to a halt. My brain muddled, and my eyes misted over. I opened my mouth, but words wouldn't form. I was sure I had woken up this morning, so why did I feel like I was dreaming.

However, I couldn’t deny it, it was the smile I couldn’t forget or at least I thought I couldn’t, but it felt so different, surreal even, at least compared to the one I woke up to every morning. 

His silky black hair was combed back with a few nefarious strands sticking out, adding a devilish beauty to his mature charm. His soulful black eyes were deep and mesmerizing; his thin lips were hooked up ever so slightly in a warm smile. His chiselled features and cheekbones framed his face; a mature man with a warm smile and gaze. He stood tall in a pair of simple blue jeans and a black turtleneck but still managed to paint a captivating picture all on his own.

“Kayla…” A voice I had long forgotten called out.

He strode towards me with a familiar, confident gate, but when he reached me, I couldn't help but take a step back. He didn't seem angry at my avoidance. In fact, I saw guilty and remorse in his gaze.

He took a step back and said, “I’m may not be the same night; will you still be my star?”

I could feel tears streaming down as I reached out and buried my face in his chest. My breathing was laboured as I whimpered and shook in his arms. His embrace was warm, I felt his large palms gently stroke my hair like they used to.

It was the same phrase but at a different time. The first time, he was on one knee with a ring. It was the same warm embrace, but the tears were different, and maybe the people were too.

After, what seemed like an eternity yet like a single moment, we walked into the house together. Silence rang through the entire journey. I sat in the kitchen, and he poured me a glass of water, I accepted with a polite smile, and I felt the distance grow even more as he returned it with a polite smile of his own. I struggled to swallow through the lump in my throat. The atmosphere was warm yet cold; it was filled with the joy of reunion but the pain of the past lingered in the air.

"You're not going to ask?"

“What haven’t I asked John?” I replied in a faint tone, my voice hoarse from crying. I placed the empty glass on the table and stood up.

“Kayla, I couldn’t” his voice followed me as I climbed the stairs and headed straight to my bedroom.

I closed the door leaning against it, my mind still reeling. The fog in my head wasn't clearing, and my head was beginning to pound and ring. My surroundings were swirling. When I could process what was happening around me, my bedroom carpet entered my view. 'I'm on the floor' I thought in bewilderment, but I couldn't get up. In fact, I couldn't move at all, the thought was chilling as I felt my limbs grow cold.

Soon the sound of urgent footsteps approaching drew closer before the door was swung open knocking into my legs, making me hiss in pain.

"Kayla!" John's voice was full of concern as he squeezed through the gap of the door and crouched down beside me. He grabbed his phone and seemed to be calling what I could only assume was 911, but stilled when I caught his wrist.

My grip was weak and could have easily been shaken off, but as if he did not dare move, John held his position, frozen in place. That slam from the door had been painful, but it was the shock my body needed.

"I'm fine, just help me up" I let go of his arm, and my hand fell limp on the floor. My limbs still felt weak, but I could feel my strength slowly coming back to me. John looked at me with worry and seemed tempted to finish the call but relented after looking into my stubborn eyes.

He picked me up gently in a princess carry and walked towards my bed. I raised an eyebrow at his action, but I didn't struggle. He gently placed me on the bed before taking a seat beside me. Another long silence ensued.

“Kayla, I love you.” John finally said.

I was silent. John didn't say anything else; he just sat beside me quietly. I looked up after a while to see his gentle face, a smile hung on his lips, but his eyes held a profound sadness.

A tear leaked out of my eyes as I felt pain grip my heart. I closed my eyes and whispered, “I love you.”

John's smile turned warmer, but the sadness in his heart did not alleviate. We both knew that his duty would always come before his heart. I know I can't be selfish, but I can't even pretend like I am not anymore. Just like every other time, this time was the same. When he appeared before me, the remorse in his eyes told so much. It was his duty, who knows how many he had saved this time. For three years, I was in the dark, but I had to live with his decision.

Now, even more, than ever I wasn’t sure where we could go from here.