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Fiction Funny American

Betsy was in a mood.  Normally she worked quietly in her cube leaving only to  go to the occasional meeting.  She rarely ventured off her floor except to go to the lunchroom.  Even that was rare as she usually ate her lunch in front of her computer while surfing the internet for the latest news on her favorite celebrity.  Today felt different.  

It started when she walked into the building and the man in front of her, shook his wet umbrella, soaking her in the process.  She waited patiently to smile and forgive him when he said “excuse me, I am so sorry,” but the apology never came.  Instead, she stood in the lobby staring at his dry, black wool jacket as it disappeared into the elevator.  Others jostled around her as she heard the shoomp and thud of the elevator doors and the ding indicating another car had arrived to shuffle more volunteer prisoners to their identical gray cubes.  Slowly she turned her eyes down to her rain spotted skirt, hose, and shoes.  It was then that something clicked.

Betsy strode to the elevator, stepping in front and ahead of others, not saying, “excuse me” or “sorry” once.  As the silver doors started to shut, she reached over the person nearest the buttons and pushed her floor.  She hesitated a second , reached over again and pushed another button.  The person nearest the buttons smiled indulgently as she reached out yet a third time and pushed  one of the few lingering unlit buttons.  “A little confused today?”  someone asked.  “Nope, not at all,”  Betsy declared as she stepped out onto her floor, leaving the remaining occupants frustrated as they realized their trip was now extended by several minutes.

Betsy walked quickly to her desk.  She sat in her chair, then clicked on her computer.  She stared at the cold, shiny screen and watched the light flicker and the screen start to animate.  She reached over and turned off the computer without shutting it down properly.  She stood up.  She turned around  and walked to the kitchen.  Once in the kitchen she looked around,  She had been in there plenty of times to grab a coke or a Styrofoam cup of water.  Betsy  didn’t like coffee, but she liked the rich warm smell.  She looked at the big carafes of coffee and the sign posted above, pleading for you to brew more coffee, if you were so unlucky as to draw the last cup.  A slow smile crept over Betsy’s face.  Quickly she grabbed a cup and filled it with the dark, slightly burnt smelling liquid.  She glanced around, like a spy about to be caught, and slowly she dumped the brew into the sink.  Giggling, she filled the cup up again, and again dumped it down the drain.  A third cup filled and this time Jones from accounting came in.  

“Awful weather isn’t it?” he asked.  

“ I dunno, I kind of like the rain,” Betsy replied.  

“Damn, I hate getting to the end of the coffee.  Looks like there might just be another cup or two left here.” Jones said as he shook the carafe.  

“This one’s already empty.” he stated as he shook the second container.  “Lucky you got a cup already.  See ya later” and Jones left Betsy alone in the kitchen.  

“See ya” Betsy replied.  She was already pouring the coffee down the sink .  There were indeed two cups left in the first carafe.  When both of them had joined the previous three on their way to the sewer, she threw the cup away and went back to her cube.

Once back at her  desk, she turned the computer on again.  It started up and then came to a warning screen, alerting her to the fact that she had not properly closed down the computer last time asking if she wanted to continue.  Well, did she?  She reached for the phone and dialed the number for the Helpdesk.

“Helpdesk, can I have your name and employee number?” a bored voice answered.

“Betsy  and 10038949” 

“Could you repeat that number please?”  the bored voice asked.

“1879426” she replied.

“Uhm…Is that the same number you gave me before?” the voice asked, slightly confused.

“Yes, of course, 10038949” Betsy smiled into the phone.

“Oh…ok…Betsy Smithers at extension 6240?”

“Yes that’s correct, extension 6340.”

“6340?”

“Yes, 6240.”

“That’s not what you said the first time.”  The voice started to sound a little angry this time.

“I am sure that it is.  Betsy Smithers, Employee number 10038949, extension 6240.” Betsy replied sweetly.

“Uh, ok, whatever.  What can I help you with today?”

“My computer is not working”

“OK.  What is not working?”

“My computer.”

“I got that, WHAT on your computer is not working?”  The voice got a little louder.

“Oh,” Betsy feigned innocence, “There is an error message.”

“What does the error message say?”  The voice sighed.

“It says I did not close my computer down properly, and do I want to continue?”

“Click yes”

“But I am not sure.”

“What?”  The voice was sounding really confused and a little startled.

“Well, I mean, it is kind of a commitment isn’t it?  What if I continue and I find later I don’t  want to after all?  I have already said I would and now here I go changing my mind.  What if I shut it down improperly again?  What happens then?  It is just so much to decide.”

Silence from the voice

“Hello?”  Betsy prompted, smiling into the phone.

“I think you will be okay to continue,”  the voice said slowly.

“Well, if you’re sure…”  She hit the button.

“Uhm, did it come back up?” the voice hesitated after a minute.

“Yep, right as rain!  Thanks for your help, you’re a genius!”  Betsy gushed into the phone and hung up before the voice could say goodbye.

Betsy sat glaring at the colorful screen.  She stood up and stared out the window several rows over to the cold, dark, gray rainy outside.  She sat down again.  She called her supervisor.  

“Bill?”  she wheezed into the phone.  “I am not feeling so good.” She paused for a cough.  “I am going to go home and get some rest”  Here, she snuffled loudly.  “Thanks, yes, I’ll let you know how <cough>  I feel in the morning”  She hung up the phone, turned her computer off improperly again, grabbed her things and left before the computer screen had fizzled completely out.

For her “therapy” she decided to do some shopping at the mall.  She wandered in and out of stores.  Unfolding the shirts and sweaters displayed so neatly in front.  She tried on clothes and left them in a pile in the dressing rooms, handing the hangers to the salesperson on the way out, empty handed.  She bought a $300 skirt.  Then she went to eat some lunch.  After lunch she went back to the store and promptly returned the overpriced skirt.  She smiled as she felt the cashier glaring at her back when she left the store humming.

After the mall, she stopped by the grocery store to buy some a few things.   She asked the deli man to cut a pound of  salami, then handed it back to him, saying it was much too thick.  When he cut another pound so thin, it looked like fleshy red tissue paper, she said she’d changed her mind and she wanted some pre packaged prosciutto instead.  As she wandered around the store, she carefully gathered up  twenty items.  She then proceeded to unloaded them in the express lane for fifteen items or less.  Betsy almost laughed out loud when she saw the lady behind her count the items under her breath as she struggled with a screaming toddler. Betsy patiently found  the correct change in pennies in the depths of her purse, and handed it to the pimply teenage cashier. She then asked if she could get fifty dollars in ones.  As the cashier slowly counted out fifty one dollar bills into Betsy’s outstretched hand, the toddler started to grab candy and magazines off the shelves.  Betsy left in a hurry.  She knew there were limits.

At home, she unloaded her bags and turned to come face to face with  her seven year old son.  He had a snotty nose and his shirt looked like it had been a tissue most of the day. 

“I am hungry and Daddy said I can’t have anything until you come home and I said I just wanted a snack and he said no, but I am STARVING.  When is dinner going to be ready because I am really hungry NOW! Yes, I did all my homework, except the stupid stuff I need you to help me with and can I have this candy.  No one else really likes it and I am sooo hungry…”  and he wandered out of the kitchen, candy in hand. She  soon heard a crash coming from his brother’s room, followed quickly by yelling from the brother and then shortly after more yelling and a few curse words from her husband.

Betsy stared at the empty grocery bag wondering where that kid had come from.  Her husband walked in, depositing a half eaten candy wrapper in the trash.  “So how was your day?” he asked grumpily.  “Just about perfect,” she said as she kissed his cheek .” A beautiful rainy day” and she smiled.

April 22, 2023 21:59

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22:08 May 03, 2023

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