Of Insomnia and pathetic blather

05/04/2020

Dear diary,

It’s 3:07 and I still can’t sleep. I feel a steeling pain in my head and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if ‘steeling pain’ is an actual term but what I meant was that it feels as though someone hit me with a steel rod or something. I really, really, really need to be getting some real sleep now. Okay, I’m using too many reallys and mom says they’re filler words and that they make me sound dumb. But hey, it’s not my fault if she’s got the vocabulary of a dictionary. She’s got words for everything! But I really (here I go again), totally agree with Mom that I should use fewer reallys.  

I don’t really know what’s keeping me awake all night today. I woke up late than usual and even got late to school. I don’t want to trace out the events in detail because they were worse than that of last Wednesday, so the situation is quite clear. Today was worse because unlike last time, I wasn’t lucky enough to get on my school bus and ended up walking to school.

Well, since there are no schools due to the COVID-19, I’ve got to attend online classes. Today, we had the usual Botany, Zoology, Physics and Chem. The only few minutes I spent without feeling sleepy today was during breakfast. The Chem teacher, whose name is too hard to pronounce (something like Vonshovstsoe) almost screamed at me because he could see me sleeping through the webcam. I spent the whole day falling asleep and now when it’s finally time to do some real sleeping, I just can’t. 

My brain HAS to think about the French bourgeois and how many Harry Potter books have been released and about Tom Felton’s skateboard. I want to learn to skateboard. That is SO cool. Anyway, I tried counting sheep and contrary to popular belief of parents trying to get their children to sleep, it doesn’t work. I could even get that printed to the size of ‘WANTED’ posters and stick it all across the globe so parents stop telling their kids to count sheep.

The problem with not sleeping is not that I’m not sleeping. I don’t really mind because I can keep writing in my diary until I fall asleep. The problem with not sleeping is that my head hurts like I already mentioned. And it’s really, really, really (there I go again) horrible. Of course, there have been other days when I’ve stayed awake but that was only until 1:00 AM. 3:07, okay actually now, 3:10 is too much. I really don’t know how I’m going to even survive like this. 

Let me just close my eyes for a while and try to fall asleep because my head really hurts and I can’t see clearly and I really hope to fall asleeepff. 

06/04/2020

Dear diary,

Woah! I was so glad that I fell asleep last night. But here we are again. Trying to fall asleep. There are mosquitoes in this room and I don’t know what to do. I was so tired and so sleepy when I allowed my bed to encircle its arms around me (by arms I mean my blanket because that just sounded so creepy). These mosquitoes have been buzzing around my ears for like ever.

Hey mosquitoes, please just suck my blood and leave me alone to sleep. Get all the blood you want but don’t come near my ears.

Yup! I actually said that to the mosquitoes. And I’m not sure if they heard me because they’re still buzzing around me. I need to Google if mosquitoes, like dogs, understand humans. But unfortunately, my phone and laptop were taken away because I am not allowed to use them late at night. My dad thinks I stare at my phone screen for too long and that’s why I’m not able to sleep. But dad, nope, I don’t think so.

See, the problem here is that if I had my phone or my laptop, I could’ve googled the question that’s plaguing my head and then satisfied with the answer, fallen asleep. But NO. Now I’ll be left to ponder upon this question until the sun rises. My English is getting quite fancy considering the good amount of time that I am spending reading books.

Mosquitoes and their buzzing sounds. I wish they never existed. I totally agree with Joe Conlon when he said that he “would rather eat raw onions and celery for the rest of (his) life if (he) could do away with the little bastards.” There has been no ‘relatable quote’ that was this relatable.

I’ve obviously Googled ‘insomnia’ and all my symptoms of being unable to fall asleep when I was on a study break. Now, there’s something that I noticed that I thought was important.

ALL THE INSOMNIACS (well most of them), DO SERIOUS THINKING ABOUT LIFE AND I’M HERE WONDERING ABOUT MOSQUITOES AND SHEEP AND PIGS AND MY ENGLISH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!

I really wish I could scream that out but then my parents would wake up and I’d be chucked out of home and so I just decided to scream-write this here.

I’m not really sad or anything like most people think insomniacs are. I’ve just not yet figured out why I find myself unable to sleep during the night. Maybe I'm just in the wrong country?

Anyway, I watched this video on how to sleep and a few tricks and tips and I just suddenly remembered. Let me try those and if it works you'll see me here again and if it doesn't well, adios, Good Night.

_________________________________________

I spoke too soon. Just great. One of the steps was to blink continuously until you fell asleep and ever since I tried that, my head's been hurting. Great. I had no headache and now I do.

Anyway, these online classes are getting on my nerve. I've got to look at the screen the whole day and it's really ruining my health. First of all, my eyes are all bloodshot and sore. Second, I have no time to do anything I like except writing in my diary, and even that when I'm unable to sleep.

I've noticed that I barely even fill in my diary in detail about what happens in my day and I focus only on my sleeplessness. But I think it's of global concern now, honestly. This is so unusual.

I hate mosquitoes for ruining my life like this. If I ever grow up to be a scientist, I'm going to invent Super Mosquito Repellent that actually works.

07/04/2020

Dear diary,

Yet another day of sleeplessness. Day 3 to be more specific. Yesterday it was the mosquitoes keeping me awake. Today, well, I don't know.

I’ve been really beginning to wonder if I need medical help with this situation because this is oh so not okay. I’ve never had issues sleeping. Everyone (everydiary, but actually just you, my diary) knows that that was a lie. I mean, no one really sleeps these days, do they?

But the point is that, despite having sleeping troubles, I’ve never had SLEEPING TROUBLES. I’ve never been lying awake for hours after I’ve been tucked into bed (nope, not by my parents). I think maybe if I started trying to calm myself down, then maybe, just maybe I could fall asleep like usual.

Yup, that’s the key. I just figured out the answer to the question that has been plaguing the world for quite a few years now. I should maybe publish this on like a one-page book and watch it go become a bestseller. Then maybe I’ll sleep in peace.

!!