My lost summer

I remember Billy Joel's uptown girl playing on the radio to sunlight streaming in through the window of the car. We were on our way to see my grandmother in Texas she's been feeling down so we thought fried chicken and cupcakes would do the trick.

Our Grandmother was the center of our world. She cooked all day making the best sweet tea ever. She gardened loving to be outside in the sunshine. But more important than all that she loved me. My Gaga's (theoriginal) whole face would light up when she saw me. So going the distance to see her wasn't so hard.

Outside all I can see as far as the eye can see just bluebells everywhere their soft colors filling me with calm. That summer I had quit soccer to join the cheer squad. This decision having nothing to do with Nickolas Osbourne joining the football team at all or so I told myself. I got cpr certified so I could get a job as a lifeguard at my age that was pretty much the only job for the summer mom would allow. Laughing with my mom whose attempts to sing were laughable I really couldn't remember ever being so happy.

My brief contemplation was rudely interrupted by the sound of loud noises, screeching tires, screams and lights. Everything was happening so fast I can't quite understand what was going on around me. I hear somebody saying "it's going to be okay it's going to be ok" and then I know nothing.

"Mommy why does my toe hurt? "I kept asking her and my toe really hurt.

I'm suddenly traveling through space, hurtling at a rate I can't comprehend I don't see lights but I feel a warmth I've never felt before a warmth only attributed to the lack of all sensory deprivation. Up ahead of me I see a blue planet and I'm going toward that planet I'm asking 'how am I traveling through space and time am I flying in Wonder woman's invisible plane?"

The planet is getting closer now and I see there are avatars or beings with flaming swords and light shining encircling and shining around them I'm thinking "WTH". We simultaneously see each other so suddenly that they come moving at me fast! Their arms moving so fast it looks like they have eight arms instead of the one. I tell them "I'm here I am here is this heaven am I home?" They say "no go away you do not belong here!" And I begin to cry. I'm crying for what happened I'm crying because I don't understand when from behind them comes A Man and he wraps his arms around me and says "no Kristine no go home. Your time is not now you must go home." And I'm at peace lifted up by the embrace of God and filled with an emotion I've seldom felt, Joy. Such joy that I'm lighter I'm happier, and then suddenly.

Suddenly there's an explosion of noise lights sounds smells and I do believe a b**** is trying to f****** shave my head. I start screaming thrashing around thoroughly stunned by the abrupt resurfacing. After I whack the razor out of the lady's hand and cry out "what is going on?" The nurse beside me says" We were prepping you for emergency surgery your suffering brain trauma, your brain had started to swell and we were very concerned!" Softly she says "but you seem fine now so just lay back and relax I got you", the nurse answered. "We will be keeping you under observation for now until the swelling goes down but it would appear that you are temporarily paralyzed and we are trying to find out why".

I'm sitting there in the bed 6 weeks later and still can't get over how much that damn toe hurts. I see the nurse then say "quit changing the bed sheets every time you do that you pull on that damn toe and then it hurts for hours". The nurse immediately drops what she's holding and runs out of here "doctor doctor her toe hurts". Suddenly another burst of activity doctors and nurses surgeons coming into the room asking me "can you feel this can you feel that?" I told him "I told my mommy that my toe hurt I told her that my toe hurt" then silence they tell me "I'm sorry but your mom didn't make it. We didn't think we should tell you until now". I sit there crying and remembering the sunshine coming in the window and Billy Joel on the radio singing songs.. and all the times my Mother was my friend instead of my parent and I realize those times are over. I'll never smell her perfume Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds again, never hold her as she laughs and tries to sing. Never get her to dry my tears or tell me "I'm so proud of you Krissy" when I've gained an accomplishment or failed at something but still kept trying. I love you Mommy I will always Love you cried the baby at the loss of the Mom.

Walking out of the hospital, yes walking I smell the fresh scents of Summer, feeling the heat of the sun on my face for the first time in months, I smile. The scent of White Diamonds lifts my hair and I feel alive for the first time in months. My family is waiting for me and we all notice the absence of our rock. The absence of the best unconditional love you never had to ask for. We all hold on to each other for a moment then we cry at the loss of our Mother.

Well It's been 20 years since that happened and everytime I hear Billy Joel I think of that Summer. I think of all the people who helped me learn to walk again, of all the people who supported me during my rehabilitation thru the good times and the bad, but most of all I remember my Uptown Girl, My Best Friend, My Mother Rebecca. I will see you again Mom, I will be kind and strong and one day we will walk in the sunshine because you will always be my Uptown Girl.