Back To Then

TW: Murder, death, crime, you get the idea

Almiro was laying in a hospital bed. He had just been given the news that only had a few hours to live.

He was bothered by this, anyone would be, but all he could think about was all the mistakes he had ever made.

How he couldn't make them right.

The nurse who told them news stayed a bit, waiting to hear his response.

When the nurse left the room, Almiro started to think about each of his mistakes, as clearly as he could.

It turns out, after a couple fifty years, it was harder to remember middle school.

He kept trying to remember why he changed.

Why he changed his name.

Why changed his life.

What was the reason?

Why did I do everything I did?

Before he knew it, his life was flashing before his eyes. He remembered a month ago, a year ago, two years ago, three, and eventually, forty years ago, back to when he was thirteen.

He was back in middle school, his mom waking up in the morning.

When Almiro saw her, he immediately felt regret. He wanted to say to her, "I'm sorry, you were right!" but he couldn't.

It was like he was trapped in his past self, stuck reliving his life, unable to do anything but watch.

Instead of apologizing, his younger self waited until his mom left to get out of bed.

That's when he saw, who he used to be.

His younger self walked over to his old mirror, in his old room. In the mirror, was a thirteen year old girl, dirty-blonde hair, gray eyes, and dressed in all black pajamas.

"I don't want to go to school today," the girl said, walking over to her closet.

Almiro was shocked. He'd never seen how he used to be back when he was a girl, in over ten years.

While his younger self got ready for school, Almiro thought to himself, Why is this happening? What happened? Why am I here?

Before he had time to think over the answers to these questions, his younger self ran down the stairs, backpack slung on one shoulder, jumping off the last few steps, and grabbing a wrapped sandwich off the kitchen counter, just before leaving out the front door. Without saying goodbye to his mom.

Almiro watched all this happening, remembering that that was the last time he ever saw his mom, before the accident.

His younger self stuffed the sandwich into his backpack, and got on his old silver bike, gliding over the pavement, on his way to school.

Almiro saw the way he didn't sit on the bike's seat, remembering how he hated the way his skirt would fold whenever he sat down, also remembering that he hated having to wear a skirt every day to school.

Since he still couldn't remember why he became transgender, he thought that was a part of it.

It was, but it wasn't all of it.

When his younger self got to his middle school, he tied his bike to a lamppost, and waited near the school entrance.

Almiro was trying to remember who he would wait for every morning, just in the moment they walked towards him.

When she walked towards him.

His younger self was greeted by a hug from her, in which he hugged back. They then held hands and walked to class together.

Sara, Almiro thought. I used to date her, back when I was still Iris.

When his younger self and Sara got to the main hallway, they separated, and went into different classrooms.

Almiro spent the whole school day, thinking about it all.

If this wasn't a dream, maybe it could've been real.

It was, but what he didn't know was that his present self, was dying, and that he didn't have much time left in the past.

When school ended, his younger self went to find Sara at her last class, but saw her with Mikey.

He hid himself, staying out of sight.

"I gotta go, Mikey," he heard Sara say.

Oh no, he thought. It's when I found out.

"Back to Iris?" Mikey asked.

"Yes, I'm still 'going out' with her," Sara said.

He could hear the sarcasm behind her voice.

"You don't even like her anymore," Mikey said. "Just leave her all already so we can be official."

That's when his younger self ran through the halls, away from the school leaving his bike. He ran all the way home, holding back tears.

When he got there, there were police officers in front of her house.

"What's going on?" he asked, trying to look composed.

"Are you Iris Mivela?" one of the officers asked.

"Yes," he said. "What happened."

"Your mother was just found dead," the officer said. "We got here a couple of minutes ago to tell you."

His younger self could feel the world slipping away. Figuratively.

Almiro could actually feel the past slipping away. Literally.

His present self was dying, but Almiro knew why he changed.

He had figured it out.

He was able to go peacefully, finally remembering why he could no longer bear to Iris, the girl who killed multiple individuals for revenge.

((As in Sara, Mikey, and his mom's murderer))

She did it for her "sanity" but it didn't help. Almiro knew that now.

He changed who he was, not just because he knew he was a he all along, but because it was the only way to keep living, in the world he made for himself.

Even after all the mistakes he had made, he knew he made some good decisions.

He married his husband, Karl.

He stayed by Karl's side, before, during, and after his death.

He dealt with Karl's death as responsibly as he could.

He kept taking care of their adopted daughter, Mary.

He gave her the best education he could have given her.

He did what he could both Karl and Mary.

Even though he had regrets, Almiro died happy.