The Letter

           When I got the letter in the mail last week, the contents were not quite what I had expected.

           It took me almost two months to open the letter. Even the thought of reading her words on paper made me want to cry. I never thought that I would still be controlled by her almost fifty years later.

           Then again, I also did not expect to live to sixty-eight, so anything is possible.

           My wife handed me the envelope without a single thought on the matter. As far as she knew, Gloria Jones was someone sending me a scam letter in the mail asking for a million dollars. She had no idea that Gloria was the reason that it took me so long to say, ‘I love you,’ or why it took so much arguing for me to agree to have kids.

           In high school, Gloria was my everything. She was the only thing that I cared about. I woke up every morning thinking of her and fell asleep with the beauty of her smile in my mind. I did not care about my grades, my teachers, or even what job I would have once I graduated high school. Gloria was the only thing that consumed my mind.

           But she was always just out of reach. The girl was never alone. She dated athletes, nerds, even my brother. There was even a rumor that she had a relationship with our sophomore history teacher. The only person she never dated was me. Gloria looked at me like I was an older brother, someone who was there to protect her when the other girls in our class gossiped about her.

           That is, until that September day in our senior year.

           At the time, she was dating my older brother, Ronnie. Gloria had come over to our house after school to talk to him. She walked home with me, telling me that she had some news that made her nervous but happy at the same time.

           But Ronnie was not too happy about it. He was not ready to be a father.

           That day, I was the only person who was happy for Gloria, really just like any other day. I was so excited to be a cool uncle.

           And when I told her that, she kissed me. She did more than just kiss me, but the rest of that is history. Or at least that is what I thought until I got the letter.

           Somehow, sometime, Gloria got up the courage to tell my brother that she was not actually pregnant, but that she wanted to know if he would take care of her. Clearly, the answer had been a ‘no.’ They broke up and she began to act like I too never existed.

           And then, a few weeks before graduation, she disappeared. That is, until my wife handed me a letter laced with her handwriting.

           When I finally found the courage to open the letter, I made sure that Susan was out with her book club and would not be home anytime soon. This letter was for me, and she did not need to know what was inside.

           My dearest Mario,

           It has been a very long time since we last spoke, but I never did forget about you or that night we shared. When I left, it was not because of you or your brother. It was because of me. When I told Ronnie that I was not really pregnant, I was lying to him. You see, I really was pregnant, but he showed me that he would never be a father to my baby. I left because I was embarrassed that my Maria would grow up without a father figure in her life. She would have no one to protect her in the world aside from me, and I knew that people would talk about the pregnant girl without a man at our graduation. I had to leave as soon as I could.

           I named her after you, you know. You were the only person who was supportive of me and I could never truly say thank you for that. I hoped that she would grow up with the same happiness that you had for me when you found out that you would be an uncle.

           Did you know that the only reason I ever showed interest in your brother was because I wanted to make you really notice me? I wanted you to be jealous. But after I became pregnant, I could not bear to look you in the eyes. And that is why I never contacted you.

           But your mom and I did stay in contact for a very long time. She knew that Ronnie was the father of my baby and she tried to help whenever she could. She told me when you got married and that your wedding was beautiful. She also gave me your address.

           And I accepted it because I am dying. I do not have much time left and have something very important to tell you before I die. I need you to know the truth, but it would be better if I told you in person. I understand if you do not want to meet.

           Yours always,

                       Gloria.

           I scrambled for the envelope as soon as I finished reading the letter. I needed to know her address so I could find her. But a letter response could take too long.

           I typed her address into the internet, and with a little time and money, I found her phone number.

           And then, I called.

“Hello,” the voice on the other end asked.

“Uh, hi,” I answered. “I am looking for Gloria. Is she there?”

“M-my mom,” stammered the voice on the other end of the line, “died two days ago.”

And with those few words, my whole world completely shattered. The woman that I loved my entire life was gone, and there was nothing that I could do about it. If I had just replied to the letter earlier, I could have spoken to her again. I could have heard her voice, laughed with her again, seen her beautiful smile that kept me awake for so many years.

But I wasted all the time that I had left.

“Hello,” I heard the voice through the phone call, shaking me out of my stupor. “Are you still there?”

“When is the funeral.”

--

Two days later, I found myself standing in front of her casket. Her fingers were littered with rings, all except for her left ring finger. She never married.

I looked around the large, stuffy room. No one was looking at us. Me. The large, gray casket. I slid the bulky wedding ring off of my finger and gently slid it onto her only ring-less finger. She deserved it much more than I did.

When I finally turned around from the casket, I saw her. She was standing in the corner, alone, watching all of the crying people. Her eyes caught mine just as my breath got stuck in my throat.

It was Gloria. She looked exactly as she did the last time that I saw her, even down to the shoes on her feet.

How was this possible? I just saw her laying lifeless behind me. She is old now. How am I seeing this?

She slowly began to walk toward me, her clouded eyes locked onto mine.

Gloria stood directly in front of me, radiating a cold air onto me. She was freezing. The voices all around me slowly faded into nothing as the icy cold grip of Gloria overtook my trembling hands.

And then,

everything went dark.