Run Run Run

(I am writing for the first time in my life)

It's almost the end of 2022, and the wave of the pandemic seems to be slowing down, people have started to come out of their closets, ready for this new lease on life, dying to go out again. Empty streets and curbs are again filled with vendors who are trying to earn their everyday bygone wages back. Some people are excited to go to the office, some hate this transition of leaving home in their comfy pajamas to formal attire.

Raghav, in his early 20s working as a Jr. post-producer in an animation studio, resides in Mumbai, he lives with his parents and elder sister in 1BHK, and there's hardly space to breathe in his household as everyone's always present. He's a skinny guy who likes to read, watch films, do his work, and run. He feels claustrophobic and exhausted in his house. There's always some kind of fight among these 4 individuals, when you stay with someone for long enough, literally 24/7 on your face, you end up despising them no matter what. He's had enough, somehow he feels lonely in this couple of cramped rectangles that his parents proudly call their hard-earned home in this fast-paced super-expensive city.

Raghav loves watching football, he played it most of his life, now since the beginning of the pandemic he's developed a new hobby, It's the only personal time he gets and that's running, he runs and runs and runs in his society compound or a nearby service road for hours, he's quite physically fit but the author writing this doesn't think he does it for to get fitter but for the sake of escaping this reality he's living in. His work is slow, there's not a lot going on, and he feels lucky that he's getting paid but there's always a fear of getting that email, laying off call or text. The world around him feels like falling apart, all his friends live in different parts of the town and it's a task to meet them, he feels distant these days and is really not into phone calls and video calls as his parents always put their ears in his conversations. He doesn't meet his building friends a lot as they make fun of him for being the way he is, they don't understand his idea of running, and what he talks about doesn't make sense to them. Better to avoid them than to be misunderstood.

On October 16th, after completing his dispensable work, he decided to read his leftover Murakami. Raghav's mom made tea that was swept over with ginger paste, COVID had made everyone very paranoid and mothers in every household came up with their own kind of medicines filled with herbals and spices to fight the virus if it ever tried to touch our bodies. His father as usual was on a busy phone call with one of his work friends, his mother was also on a phone call with one of her relatives, father standing near the window attached to the balcony, speaking in his voice which was not loud but disturbed Raghav's concentration a lot, his focus loosening, shifting to what his father is talking about and on the other hand her mother's voice is just loud. His sister is sleeping on the couch, she's not exactly snoring but there's a thin line between snoring and nosy breathing, the noise of which is as irritating as snoring and she excels in it. He feels like shouting all of them till all of his vocals are sucked out of his soul or make them disappear so that he could read, at least a page would do, but not now, not today the mood is gone, he won't read it, he doesn't feel like it anymore.

Just like every day, he picks up his pair of 2-year-old Nike AirMax and goes for a run.

Times are weird, and so is the weather, half an hour into the run, he notices the sky is dull and cloudy, getting darker every minute, and unexpectedly it starts raining in October in Mumbai, he doesn't stop trying to embrace it, thinking of himself in Shawshank Redemption film but he just doesn't feel it. He completes his everyday 10K in 55 minutes which is slow according to his speed. While walking back to his building, he notices people with their backpacks or suitcases, leaving for somewhere, waiting for their buses, as the pandemic is almost over now, people have started traveling again, and the declining world is trying to find its way to rise. How come he never thought of going somewhere on his own, he wonders, will it be a good idea? I am alone here what if I end up being lonely and alone wherever I go, it never leaves me, his mind starts thinking, he recently has gotten a mouth ulcer which hurts as he sips water while walking back home.

Isolation has made Raghav more anxious than usual, he gets home, goes through his phone, checks his Instagram with zero DMs, and checks a few stories of his friends, one has started going back to work, one is out with his girlfriend traveling to different cities, he slides right hoping a DM would pop up, but it's an empty shell. He opens one of the dating apps and switches again to the home screen it disappoints him to see zero matches, dating apps make him feel ugly and unattractive, it is not for him he says, but the reality is no one wants to swipe right on him. Loneliness, Claustrophobia, and the 24/7 presence of parents have increased his frustration level to 200%, he needs an escape, his own space where he can feel lonely alone (lol). Everything leading up to this makes him take a decision that will over the course of a few weeks change his life. A very expected cliche SOLO trip.

Raghav is 22 and has earned some money that can sustain him for a week's solo trip to a cheaper vacation place. He did not even think twice and booked a bus for Goa. Informed his parents and started packing, he leaves tomorrow. Parents surprisingly didn't stop him, they must craving for some space themselves. He did not make an itinerary, did not plan where he would stay, and just decided he would go to North Goa, while on the bus, he booked an hostel for 4 days, he plans to stay in Goa for a week and then come back home.

The journey from Bombay to Goa is long, almost 16 hours, the trip just started and he's just left alone with his thoughts. He tries reading but he can't, listens to the Beatles, and dozes off to sleep. He's walking alone on a beach, it's empty and the waves seem clueless in the fading moonlight, and suddenly a pack of dogs emerges, they look at him, tongues gaggling, spit dripping, teeth sharp and shiny starts running towards him, he runs and runs and runs like he always does but they catch up and jump on him with their mouth wide open. He wakes up on his upper sleeper coach in a sweat, his earphones playing "Oh Darling" but resting on the coach. He looks up and sees it's almost dawn, in 4hrs he should be in Goa, he looks around and opposite him, a guy of similar age is sitting watching something. They wave each other a hello.

"Hi John"

"Hi Raghav"

"So North Goa?"

"Yes, what about you?"

"Same"

"Ohh where in North Goa?"

"Anjuna"

"Ohh...Vagator"

The conversation is as boring and small as the writer tried to write, there's nothing to talk to but they try to keep the conversation alive hoping to not cross paths in Goa.

Finally, after a long stressful journey, Raghav is at the bus stop, super chaotic, rickshaws, and bikes all looking for customers, it's bustling with tourists, everyone post-pandemic is out of their caves and wants to reignite their sad depressing life by making it happier with an excess amount of intoxication.

Raghav finally pops on a bike and gets dropped off just right out of his hostel. " Hippie hostel" is a catalyst in our story which is at the very moment dragged a lot and I don't have a clue where I am going. He gets in, and he is surprised to see the people here, in contempt of how unhygienic this place is, but is in awe of the people staying there, been years since he saw so many beautiful girls in one place. He checks in and the owner/host of the place is very comforting and welcoming, with a joint in his hand, he takes Raghav to his dorm which is white with six beds and unwashed bedsheets. The washroom reeks and there's no soap or tissues, Raghav keeps his bag, goes out and buys a few bathroom essentials, takes a shower, cleans himself up, and goes out to the main area of the hostel.

Someone's busy playing table tennis, someone's smoking up, some are drinking, and a random dude flexing his muscles, there's a bar where he sits, and he orders a ginger lemon honey tea to clear his throat and open his senses. The bartender did not expect it, instead, he hands him rum and coke telling him it is complementary. As he takes the first sip, his throat warms, his eyes go wide, and he feels very calm as the chilling coke travels from his throat to his soul, the rum providing the perfect warmth. It doesn't take him long to finish his first drink which doesn't stop there. In his fourth drink, he gains some courage to socialize but fails miserably as everyone's on their own doing their own thing, it's almost dusk, he decides to go to the beach and he does, he rents a two-wheeler for 4 days, and wroom wroom wroom he goes riding towards the beach.

Sunset, serenity, and loneliness are what he feels as he sees the sun kissing the ocean. He sees a couple watching the sunset, holding hands, the girl's head on the guy's shoulder. It does not make him feel envious, just sad, he tries to act cool thinking loneliness is underrated but it's not, it's just lonely. He comes back to his hostel which is raging at this moment, people are dancing, body shots, going wild, and some making out. He goes to his dorm and finds a drunk girl passed out on his bed. He tries to wake her up, but she doesn't. All the other beds are occupied, and not everyone parties in this hostel, there are a lot more Raghavs in this world who are at the moment sleeping, and then there's this girl who's passed out partying hard. Frustrated as this trip is not turning out to what he thought it would be, he steps out of the dorm, and sits at the curb, in the background the party is still going wild. A girl comes out of the neighboring dorm, looks at him, lights a cigarette, takes a few drags, and offers one to Raghav, Raghav inhales a drag and thanks the girl, she sits beside Raghav. She is from the UK, Victoria, and traveling Solo too, they talk for a while and the talk is actually a pretty interesting one, it's followed by more Rum & Coke, and they talk about their culture, books, and shared interest in running. After such a long time Raghav has talked with someone this much, it feels so comforting, and he doesn't have to talk before sharing his thoughts, it's new for him. She flicks her hair back making good eye contact while talking to him, she's a really good listener. They go for a walk and end up at the beach. It's dark just before dawn, and he remembers his dream, he sees a pack of dogs that look at him but continue to walk on their own without disturbing them, they sense he feels safe and protected. Dawn hits, and they sit on the sand admiring the endless waves, getting lost somewhere on the horizon. They rest their backs on the sand, talking about stars, the future, and lost dreams, talking talking, their eyes meet and drift off to sleep in each other's warmth.

The author doesn't know what will happen tomorrow with Raghav, but his first day was surely a day that Raghav won't easily forget. He might get robbed or laid the next day, he might volunteer in the hostel and stay there for a month or he might leave in the next two days, no one knows what will happen, but the author knows that above all these possibilities wouldn't be a possibility if Raghav never went for that run.