Dear Orlando

Dear Orlando,

I was so happy to see you again on the street today - I wish we’d had time to pause for a visit, even a short conversation of meaningless small-talk and a quick peck on the cheek or touch on the hand, but I could tell right away how busy you were. All the people with you, all vying for your attention and hoping for your affection. It must be very tiring for you at times. 

Still, we had that moment of eye contact, nowhere near long enough to make the group of people with you question anything, but just long enough to let me know that we shared a delicious secret, and then the quick little smile you threw my way so I’d know that you saw me there, and you delighted that I was so close, sitting on the bench and watching you walk by. My heart nearly burst when I saw that smile. Oh, how I long to be in your arms, tucked away in our little hideaway where the world can’t see us, where nothing can bother us, and having you do all those things to me that only you know how to do. 

I tell myself repeatedly that the day will come when we can finally just be together all of the time, and how for now I must be content with these short stolen moments, quick glances, tiny nods, and those beautiful secret smiles, but waiting for you has not been easy, my love. I know, I know, you have so many commitments - time commitments, work commitments, commitments to people and places and events… but I am so desperately waiting for our moment, when we are finally, truly together.

For now I will continue to wait, because I know that day will come, because I know that you long for it as much as I do, because I know we were meant to be together and because my love for you is endless.

Yours forever,

Amy

Dear Orlando,

It has been a while since I’ve seen you. My whole body aches with longing, I miss you terribly. 

I saw an article with your picture in it and it says you are away overseas working on a new project, so that is why I haven’t seen you in days… maybe weeks? The article also says you are engaged. I am not too troubled by it all really, I know it is either a silly publicity gimmick or an outright lie, but granted, it still hurt a little bit to read the words.

I admit at first I was rather upset, even though I know at least the engagement part of the story is definitely not true. But I was upset nonetheless, because why would you even allow others to believe it if your love for me is as formidable as my love for you? How could you possibly live that lie? How could you stop yourself from standing up and shouting out at the top of your lungs that it is simply not true, and that your actual soul mate is in fact another??

But then I took a few deep breaths and told myself that I was being very selfish and unfair, that I will get to have and hold you forever, whereas the world only has you for now. So of course you must allow these stories to be told, and I must remember that all you are doing is what you must do to ensure our future. You must be a good boy, play your part and be who the world wants you to be, at least for now. Your success is ultimately our success.

Perhaps the next time we see each other, we should discuss this a bit more. It is indeed admirable that you are trying so hard to provide a wonderful future for us, but please know that all I unquestionably desire is you and you needn’t work so hard to impress me nor to keep my interest. I will be faithfully yours until my last breath, regardless of your fame, fortune or status.

Lovingly yours, 

Amy

Dear Orlando,

We need to meet soon and talk. I was so excited to see you hopping into a cab last night but I also really really need for you to explain who that young lady was. I’ve tried to keep my distance while you make a name for yourself and provide for the future, but I admit I couldn’t stand by and ignore it. So I tried to hail a cab to follow you, but there was nothing around and all I could do was stand there helplessly and watch your cab grow smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller, as I felt your love doing the same.

I tried to tell myself afterwards that I was being unreasonable, that she must have been a business associate or perhaps even a family member of yours that I have not yet met (or been made aware of), but then I remembered the manner in which she reached out and touched your face, which seemed neither business-like nor familial.

And oh, the way you looked at her! Gods, it was so full of lust, it appeared almost dark and hungry… even to think of it now, I felt the need to stop writing this letter and run to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach.  

I have also attempted to convince myself that it was just all again something manufactured for public perception, but it was a dark corner of the city, with no one else around, no paparazzi in sight, and she wasn’t even the person you are publicly declaring yourself to be engaged to! What the hell? Who is she? What is this game you are playing now?

Angry and confused but absolutely still yours,

Amy

Dear Orlando,

I saw an article today that said you are still overseas on a project, so I must have been mistaken in what I saw last week. I was so sure it was you, but you can’t be in two places at once. And of course it makes so much sense, I don’t know how I ever thought it could be you.

Please forgive me my beloved, and know in your heart that it is just my undying love that is making me so crazy. I am growing so impatient, I need to be with you.

Apologetically and with so much love,

Amy

Dear Orlando,

I don’t understand what is happening at all. I saw you again this morning. I know it was you. You were having coffee in my favourite cafe, and you must of course have known it was my favourite. You appeared to be alone, and even smiled at me when I looked at you, but then made no effort to approach me, and your smile seemed so cold and impersonal, as if we were strangers. I was afraid to come to you, as I thought maybe that was your way of sending a signal to me to let me know that you were being watched. I confess I was so taken aback that I was unable to do anything.

Were you alone? Were you being watched? Or have I done something wrong? 

I can’t stand it, I need to see you, to talk to you, to be with you.

Frustrated but as always, yours, 

Amy

Dear Orlando, 

I don’t care what the papers and magazines say, you are not overseas. I don’t understand the need for the story, but I know you are here. 

I knew, even when the papers have never mentioned you actually being in this city, I knew that it was a way of being as anonymous as you could, and a way of being closer to your one true love.

I see you nearly every day. Drinking cappucinos in cafes, browsing in bookstores, hailing cabs, chatting with people in bars, walking down the street. Sometimes alone, sometimes with a group of friends, often with females. It is undeniable that you are here. Why don’t you acknowledge me?

Still your love,

Amy

Dear Orlando,

Please explain why, when I finally had enough and called out across the street to you, you looked right at me, appeared confused, but then got into that car with yet another woman?

What is going on?

Still yours,

Amy

Dear Orlando,

Well, I finally managed to follow you. I saw you leaving the pub with another awful girl and I could tell from a mile away that you had both had far too much to drink and exactly what was on your mind. This time, when you hailed a cab, I managed to as well. I got out about a half a block from where I saw your cab stop and crept up quickly, keeping to the shadows, while you and your “date” giggled and stumbled with each other to that shabby apartment building door. I likely needn’t have worried about being stealthy, I doubt either of you would have noticed.

When I saw you enter the apartment at the end of the hall, already clumsily groping and pawing at each other as you closed the door behind you, I just sat down in the hallway and cried. Why? What did I do that made you stop loving me? Have I not been patient and faithful? I would have given anything, I would have died for you, killed for you…

I came in, as you know. After I cried in the hallway and some time had passed, I thought it was time to confront you. I tried the door of the apartment I saw you enter and it was unlocked. I went through the apartment, touching things and turning my nose up at the worn furniture and outdated wallpaper. When I came to the bedroom, the door was wide open and I saw you. You were both uncovered with limbs thrown over each other’s naked bodies, soundly asleep. Or more accurately, passed out cold from too much alcohol and exhausted from your sickening, impersonal, drunken attempts at sex.

I’m not sure how long I stood there staring, I think I may have thrown up, possibly even fainted. I lost all track of time and at some point, became aware that I was sitting on the floor with my back to the wall. I suppose that was when I came to the realization that it was over. That WE were over. So I went home.

Amy

Dear Orlando,

I just wanted you to know that I am okay. I am sure you must be positively worried sick about me. Even if you are quite troubled and going through whatever it is you are going through, I am sure you never stopped feeling for me entirely. I certainly didn’t stop feeling everything for you. My feelings are different now, not a consuming blaze of passion, more of a small ember... I do love you still, but without the yearning ache to be with you every moment.

And so if the tables have turned a bit and you are reading in the papers about me now, please know not to worry, that this is all a ridiculous mistake that will soon be corrected. I am not sure why the police came to my home and arrested me in the early hours of the morning, what could have made anyone think that I could do the things they said. I did not break into a complete stranger’s home, and I certainly would never kill anyone. If I was covered in blood and vomit, I am sure it was all my own, sick from what I had seen and then hurting myself in my mad rush to escape the apartment where I saw you in bed with another woman, to distance myself from the extreme agony of the end of us.

I explained the situation to the police and then to lawyers and judges, and I am now working with the best people to get this all sorted out.

I even have a doctor looking in on me every single day, making sure I am eating and sleeping and dealing with everything. He says I have been through a lot and so he is keeping me here in the hospital for a while. He is so kind and caring, I can tell he is very worried about me. Why else would he want to keep me here?

Okay, confession time - I have a secret, actually. My doctor isn’t really my doctor. I don’t know when or how it happened, but at some point we must have crossed paths out in the world, perhaps our eyes met briefly across a room or he saw me walk by from the other side of a busy street… whatever the case, he has been following my life ever since, keeping track of me and watching over me. He is completely devoted. It is so incredibly romantic. Oh, I know exactly who he really is, and he knows I know, but for now we have an unspoken agreement to keep it a secret. I am sure he is someone you know as well, as he is also quite famous. Perhaps more famous even than you.

So you can rest easy that I am doing all right. More than all right in fact, as I have finally found the true love that I deserve. I hope that we can remain friends and harbour no hard feelings toward one another as we both move on with our lives.

Your friend forever,

Amy