Sweet Girl

(Warning: Story contains physical violence, abuse, gore and CSA. )

The golden twinkle of fairy lights glistens through the trees. The loud chatter and laughter of my family and friends rambles throughout the venue. A love song is being loudly played by the DJ’s speakers on stage. I can feel the vibrations in my chest. I start to feel the sweet familiar buzz sweep over my mind as I sip on my 5th or 6th champagne. David chats away with a distant aunt of mine when our gazes meet and he throws a charming smile and signals for me to waltz over and join him.

“Aunt Helene was just telling me about the time she tried to teach you to sew.” 

Aunt Helene chuckles at the memory.

“She had the sample sat on her lap as I tried to teach her different stitches. She was struggling to keep the lines straight and from zigzagging,” Aunt Helene laughs.

“By the time she finished, we hadn’t realized she had sewn it onto her dress!” Aunt Helene and David share a laugh as they muse at the thought of a silly young me. I remember how devasted I was. Helene’s laughter thundered over me as frantically began to panic and cry over the thought of having ruined one of my dresses. I ran away looking for scissors to remove it from my dress before my parents came back home. My father would be so angry if he had seen how I ruined a dress my mother worked hard on. I shake away my thoughts and look down at my glass. It’s empty and to survive this night, I can’t have that. I start to excuse myself when Aunt Helene’s hand reaches out for mine. 

“Your mother would be so proud. She would love David.” She removes her hand from mine and places it on David’s shoulder, beaming up at him and then back to me,” He’s so sweet and thoughtful. She would be proud of you for not ending up with someone like- “ My eyes start to fill and I can taste the bile creeping up my esophagus. 

“Thank you, Aunt Helene.” I step away and dart away for more champagne. The bartender serving me gleams, “It’s a beautiful party.” I politely nod in response. She’s had a smile on her face the whole party, not a single crack in her joy. Her eyes still twinkle with youth, I envy her. A hand on my elbow interrupts my thoughts. It’s David. Sweet David with the smirk he had given me earlier erased and replaced with a sickly sweet smile.

“That should be your last one tonight, don’t you agree, sweetheart? “

Thoughtful David, asks so politely, no defiance in his tone. Who could ever be mad at his softness?

He guides me away and I watch as he mingles with the flurry of guests. I observe the way the conversations have the same basic structure. 

“Wow, this is one heck of a party.” It better be because the cost of the venue alone was outrageous. But, of course, that’s not an issue for someone so successful as David. He seeks reactions like these. The party is just another excuse to flaunt his wealth. 

“Have you guys thought about babies?” I’m repulsed by the thought. 

And “You must feel so lucky, Claire.” David doesn’t mask what hearing someone say that to me does for his ego. His grin feels malicious as if he feels like I’ve won some grand prize. I keep my responses to a minimum, smiling and nodding to the conversations as my mind drifts.

My mother once told me about how before she married my father, she dreamed of becoming a ballerina. She told me about how her parents put her in dance classes and all her favorite ballet shows and how the music used to make her feel. I pictured her petite frame prancing around gracefully on the stage in a frilly pink tutu. The lights shining against her brunette hair as it flowed along with her spins. 

“But then,” She looked off towards the window and glanced at the front door as if my father would bust through the door any minute, “I met your father, and well… Life just… got in the way,” I remember the forced smile she gave me when she said that. The soft hurt in her eyes was as if she silently apologizing for saying that out loud, as if she hoped I was too young to realize what she meant. 

***

The party guest trickles out. My Aunt Helene stops to speak to me before making her way out. She pulls me away from David. 

“I’m so happy to see you making a good choice for yourself, Addie. I’m excited to see you marry him tomorrow. I wish I could have saved her, she should be here to see you. She’d be so, so proud.” She holds my gaze with soft, watery eyes. I know she means well. She had tried to warn my mother that my father was bad for her, for us. She became my legal guardian after my father went to jail. She tried her hardest to keep me in school and on track. I went off the rails. I ditched school and made out with dumb boys who smoked and drove fast cars, secretly hoping their idiocy would lead to my demise and I could join my mom by someone other than by my hand. But, Aunt Helene would never remove the key from over the doorframe when I’d be attempting to sneak back in at 4 am. She’d be sat inside, waiting for me anxiously. Exclaimed how grateful she was that I was home in one piece and then I’d slink off to bed.

*** 

When we arrive home, David showers and goes to bed, I, on the other hand, find that I cannot sleep. I change into a sweatshirt and pants. The idea of having a wedding in less than twenty-four hours has me reeling. I. am. Wired. I look out the double glass doors of this home and take notice of the view of the beach. David rented this Airbnb to be closer to our beach wedding venue. I slip on shoes and out the double glass doors and sit out on the deck. I watch the waves crash hard against the jagged rocks and sand. The dark endlessness of the ocean is overwhelming. It looks like a black hole as if anything the waves could get their destructive grasp on would be swallowed by the pitch black. The giant black waves reach and swallow the sky around them, they get rougher and the crashes get louder. It’s all I can seem to hear. The pitch-dark water swirls around me, grabs me, and pulls me into the ocean. I’m being trashed and thrown around. My body becomes numb as the pain and cold shocks me. A giant wave is forming and coming straight towards me to roll me into the jagged rocks. That’s when I saw her. Her beautiful brunette hair flowed. The waves carried her as if they were dancing together. As the wave gets closer so does she. I watch her, I want to reach out to her and I do.

I wake up on the beach, my lungs heavy with grief. 

“Addiieee…” Someone calls out my name, stretching it playfully.

“Addiissooon.” I remember my father, how he would call out to me when it was “my turn”. I was terrified of his “friendly” voice. I knew what it meant. It meant he wouldn’t be sleeping in his bed, it meant that night he picked me and I had nowhere to hide or nothing to do but pretend I didn’t know what he was doing. I was too young to know it was wrong or what he was even doing, or that’s what I told myself. But, I knew and I’d feel it whenever any other man touched me. The fear pangs in my chest again. He can’t be here. I scan the beach around me. There’s no one in sight. I look back towards the beach house. It’s not too far. If I run I can make it inside and lock myself in the room with David and call the police. 

“Addiieeee…Come on, sweet girl..” 

I begin to run, and the memory of that night begins to overtake me. The way my mother ran towards him with the knife. She had finally had it. She wouldn’t let him hurt me, hurt her, anymore. She lunged towards him but, he was much bigger. He threw her into the wall, she yelled at me to run. I couldn’t move. I stood there frozen, as she screamed and screamed. The shrill guttural screams echoed until the blood spouting out of her mouth smothered them. Her bright, deep red blood coated the walls. I don’t remember how the police got there. When they dragged my father to the police car, he was covered in her blood, he grinned at me. 

“Don’t think I won’t get you too, sweet girl.” He spat.

Once I get inside the beach house, I race around and lock all the doors before I run into the bedroom. 

“David!” I pull the bedsheets off him in an attempt to stir him awake. They’re heavy and damp. I pull my hand away and look at it. Bright, deep red. By my feet is a knife. I hesitantly look towards David.

“Oh God…David.. I..” 

I’m covered in blood. I can feel the hot, wet stickiness seeping past my socks and into the soles of my shoes, making itself permanent. He’s not breathing. There

‘S blood all over the walls, embedded itself into the mattress and my sweatshirt. 

Sirens whine outside and the bedroom windows glow blue and red. I get an urge to run but, then the door is busted down. I turn and they scream at me to raise my hands, the bright lights from their pointed guns blinding me. 

“Please. I didn’t-I-”