Efcharistó

Anyone who thinks ‘the short end’ is the shitty end of the stick ain’t never been hit with a stick. Well, I’ve been hit, and I can tell you, it’s the long end you want to dodge. You ever seen a sword? Lady Justice, she holds a sword. She doesn’t dispense justice with the stubby little handle, does she? It’s the long end she swings, straight and true. Not exactly a stick, but you take my meaning.  

But then Archimedes, he wanted the long end, didn’t he? And he should know. “Give me a place to stand and I will move the Earth,” or something like that. I can’t remember it exactly. So, do you want the long end or the short end? I suppose it depends where you stand.

I read about Archimedes and I want to thank him for teaching me to think about where I stand. It’s good at a time like this to know where you stand. So, thanks to Archimedes, but mainly I want to thank Father Burgos, who taught me how to read, so I could read about Archimedes. If I had another thirty-four years I might learn to read Greek, then I could say thank you to Archimedes in Greek. What’s thank you in Greek?

(inaudible)

Never mind. I was talking about sticks because Father Burgos said he thought I got the short end. He might be right, I used to spend a lot of my time thinking about that, but it doesn’t matter, not anymore. Nothing matters now but to give thanks for what I did get and not worry about what I didn’t get, and things I can’t do anything about.

I spent my days reading about people who were already dead, or who were never alive. Lots of the books I read were written by people who were already dead. Dying doesn’t cut you out of the story of the world, but thinking about the world without you is like asking a character in a story to think about the world outside the book they’re in. I don’t think it can be done. I know I can’t do it anyway. I’m talking too much. I’m nervous, not scared though, no, not any more.   

In one of the books I read they said “fear is the mind killer.” I can’t remember which one it was. Which book was that, Father Burgos?

(inaudible)

Yeah, that’s right. I liked that one. They made that crazy movie. Anyway, Father Burgos helped my mind be the fear killer. Helped me know where I stand. Took me to a few different places, some big places, open spaces, even though I was in here and I only saw a few faces; Father Burgos and the library people. I should say thank you to the library people too. Especially Tuesday Justin and Friday Keith. That squeaky wheel on their cart was like a knife cutting up my week into slices I could eat. It’s a shame they couldn’t come today. Good job I returned all of my books.

I got here, to this day, with no apologies left to make. I think I made them all. We put them in my letters. The people I needed to apologise to most, Mr and Mrs Osterberg, they’re dead now, but I wrote to them in time. I’m not the man who killed their daughter anymore. Mrs Osterberg killed that man when she replied to his letter. She said it was good that I was learning to read, and that her daughter would have liked that. She said her daughter was going to be a teacher. I didn’t know that. Mrs Osterberg said her daughter had lots of books. She said that now that she was gone she was going to give them to a children’s home. Not the same one that made the man who killed her daughter, that place is long gone, but one like it. That man, he was hateful and scared from the time he was in that place until the night he met her daughter. Mrs Osterberg’s letter showed him what bravery was and Father Burgos helped him think about that. So it’s a new man we’re killing today, but that’s ok. It really is.

I think part of why Father Burgos helped me with my reading was because he wanted me to find Jesus before today. I think I did, maybe. Found a little bit of him, not in the book, but in the reading of the book. It’s not fair on Jesus really. You can’t give a grown man the Bible at the same time as every other book he’s ever had and expect the Bible to be his favourite just because it’s the Bible. Jesus is a cool main character, but I think I might have had more in common with Holden Caulfield, maybe once anyway. I definitely have more in common with Rodion Raskolnikov. Is that me getting grandiose? Fellas can often tend to get a bit grandiose when things get to this point and they get the chance to speak.

It’s ok because Father Burgos gave me more than Jesus and more than the Bible. He gave me a reason to want to stay alive, which gave me the dignity of a death which is at least a little bit sad. So thanks to Father Burgos, Mrs Osterberg, Tuesday Justin and my man Friday, and Archimedes. And I suppose I should say Jesus too, but just so Father Burgos gets good grades or whatever.

(inaudible)

Nah, we’re done now. Brevity is the soul of wit. Now I am gettin’ grandiose, so I’ll just say; I read a whole bunch of stuff and I read about Archimedes’ Laws, and I read about God’s laws, and now it’s time for some Texas law, and I am not afraid any more.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4. There you go, Father Burgos. I read that one.

Thank you, Warden, that is all I have to say. I’m ready.