I Love You

Katrina smiled as she inhaled the scent of apple blossoms surrounding her. The sun warmed boards below her felt comforting on her back as she gazed at the wooden walls around her and reminisced on all of the memories she had made in this treehouse. Hours spent reading and discovering the worlds of Harry, Anne, Laura, and countless others. Of writing her own stories in honor of her literary heroes. Of tears shed over friends lost and unrequited loves of adolescence. There were both good and painful memories made in this old treehouse.

Today brought to mind both types of memories, and Katrina felt the urge to put her thoughts on paper so that she could help organize her thoughts. Pulling herself up into a sitting position, she looked down at the spiral notebook beside her. Sighing she picked it up and started to write.

Dear Henry, your love for me has meant more than you can ever realize. You were the first person to smile at me in our Kindergarten class all those years ago. Even though girls are supposed to have cooties, you told all of your guy friends that they would let me play four square with you. Otherwise, you would punch them in the nose. Thankfully, they accepted me, so that you didn’t have to do so. ‘

As we progressed through elementary school, we did make other friends, but you were always the constant in my life. When Lisa told me she couldn’t be my friend because I wore the same dress as her in second grade, you offered to go punch her in the nose too, if she wasn’t a girl since you didn’t hit girls. Instead, you sprinkled salt on her ice cream when she was distracted at the birthday party I wasn’t invited to because I was no longer her friends. When she got mad, you told her that I was sad, and I was your best friend, and no one messes with your best friend. Rather than hating you, she acknowledge that it was mean of her to not invite me to her birthday, and we have been friends since.

In fifth grade, when I didn’t want to deal with the drama of pre-teen girls, although I caused plenty of it myself, you let me play basketball with your friends and helped me perfect my free throw shot. Playing with you guys helped me develop a love of basketball that still continues and has been a major part of my life.

In seventh grade, when I though Ricky was the boy that I was going to marry, even though as a ninth grader he had no idea who I even was, you were there to listen to me. You were so patient with me, even when I was an irrational girl. You helped me cope with the heartbreak when I realized that he already had a girlfriend. You let me cry on your shoulder and I probably ruined it with my green eyeshadow that I thought was so cool at the time.

You were by my side on our first day of high school, as we embarked on the unknown. You helped me find my classes and you helped me with my geometry homework since I had no idea why I should care about the behavior of lines, points, and planes. I still don’t understand why I should care about theorems and postulates. A triangle is a triangle and a line is a line, but you helped me pass the class so that I was able to progress on to higher level math that made more sense. Don’t ask why tan and sine and cosine made more sense to me than geometry, but they did.

When I thought I was going to miss out on our Junior Prom, you asked me, although I knew that there were so many other girls that you could have asked. I think that it was that night that I realized that you liked me more than just a friend. Everyone commented on how happy that you looked with me on your arm. I didn’t know how I felt about that because you were Henry. You were my best friend. Best friends don’t fall in love with each other. At least in the movies it seemed like that make friendships awkward. However, I couldn’t miss how handsome you looked in your tux, and I felt like a princess in your arms as we danced the night away.

Graduation came, and it dawned on me that we were going to college in different parts of the state. I started to freak out a little bit. You had always been by my side, and I was not sure how I would cope with you 2 hours away. Yes, we could call, text, instant message, and whatever, but I knew that our relationship would never be the same. It is hard to keep up when there is that much distance between. However, you held me tight as you said goodbye to me and reassured me that I would be fine at college and that you were only a phone call away.

I made many friends in college, and I even started dating someone, but you were the constant in my life. You would listen to me for hours on end as I told you about how hard it was to be so far from home. You gave me advice, and helped me come to terms with the person I was growing into. You helped me gain the confidence that I needed to re-apply to the nursing program after I was unsuccessful the first time. You listened to me when I cried about the first patient that I lost as a nursing student. I could hear the smile in your voice when I told you about watching a baby be born.

I never realized how one sided our relationship truly was. You gave so much to me, and I gave you so little in return. I wish I would have taken the time to ask you how you were doing through all of those times you listened to my problems. I never knew about the demons that you faced in your life. I didn’t realize how much you needed someone to listen to your problems. You always looked so happy that I didn’t think that anything could have been wrong in your life. I missed all of the warning signs that were so obvious, especially now that I am looking back in hindsight. I wish I would have never taken you for granted.

Now that you are gone, there is a giant hole in my heart. I cannot say that I understand why you did what you did. Why you thought that the only solution to your problems in life was death. I can never understand why. I only know that the best way that I can honor you is to watch out for those around me, and to be a friend to those who need one. I can listen more than I talk. You would not want me to wallow in grief and guilt, so although I feel each emotion so strongly, I will not let them dominate my response. I will remember the good times and look forward to the day when I can be with you again.

I wish I could have told you how much I love you, and how much you have meant to me, but I guess this letter will just have to suffice. I truly do love you Henry, and I wish I would have realized that sooner, so I could have told you in person. Save a place for me in heaven. I love you.