Our table

I sat alone as I watched the rain come down outside. An older couple and I were the only ones in the shop. I sipped my coffee as a tear rolled down my cheek... I was alone. The chair next to me sat empty as though it was mocking and taunting me. I was starting to overthink everything. My chest started to swell with the feeling of hopelessness... I wanted to scream at the world and run away from everything. But no one would hear me or care to come looking. I looked at the chair again that he should’ve been sitting in. 

I would’ve looked at him and said “ Look at what you did! Are you happy now? You took everything from me...” Then probably start crying right in front of him. Pathetic… that’s probably what you’re thinking

The older couple grabbed their jackets and headed for the door. The rain was now pouring but I was in no rush to leave. When I was younger this was my favourite coffee shop to come to. It was owned by a family but they moved away a long time ago. The older brother stayed behind to run it. 

The greatest thing about this place was the boy who stood behind the counter. “ Parker’s the name” was the first thing he said to me. He was two years older than me and stood tall. His brown hair was wavy and his emerald eyes were always noticeable. His smile would bring joy and his laugh... I loved hearing it because it would remind me to have hope every day. 

Parker’s arm was covered in tattoos with no colour. He once told me “Without black, no colour has any depth. You have to mix black into your palette if you want to create something that's real.” To tell you the truth his quote has always stuck with me.  

 Every Friday I would visit for my hot chocolate and the boy with emerald eyes. The excuse I used was that I had to study but it was really to see him. He would always make his corky jokes of “ Oh look who’s back to see me” or “ I knew you missed me.” I did, I really missed him. 

It was one day where he deiced to take his break at the same time I came in. He came over to the table I’m at today with two drinks and sat down. I got flustered and I could feel my cheeks growing red. My palms were sweaty and words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. We sat in silence until he finally started laughing. At the time I was so confused. Did I have food on my face? Did I spill on myself or was it just the way I looked. “ You look cute when you’re nervous you know.”  As those words came out if his mouth I wanted to disappear. Growing up I was known as the nice shy girl. So you can see where I would have problems with a good looking stranger coming up to me and trying to start a conversation. The conversation did start eventually and we talked throughout the night. He went back on shift but would stop by the table here and there to chat. I stayed till closing that night and didn’t regret it. As he locked the door behind him he grabbed my hand and started running. I asked him where we were going with laughter and a smile on my face. I hadn’t been that happy in a long time.

I zoned back to where I was, as Parkers brother repeated himself and asked if I wanted another drink. I told him no and he left me in silence with the rain. 

After that night, I never missed coming here on Friday. The boy with the emerald eyes never disappointed. 

We got to know each other more. I told him my fears and he told me his secrets. We would go on adventures after he worked and have movie nights at his place. He would call them mini-dates even though we weren’t together. He even gave me a key to his place because he said he wanted me to visit more. His favourite colour was red and he always wore his socks to bed. We told each other the little things that mattered the most to us. I can say that I’ll never forget them. 

I looked back at the chair. He would sit there leaning towards the table with his hands crossed. He would tell me how his stepdad was horrible but his older brother was his best friend. He loved spicy food and music was his saving grace. Even though he was only two years older, he moved out at the age of eighteen and said it was the best thing for him even though it was lonely at times. He would tell me endless stories that I could never stop listening too. There was a time where we would tell each other everything… and I loved it. I loved him. I loved how he would make me laugh and smile... I rarely smile anymore. I loved the music he would play and the way he would dance even though he couldn’t. I loved it when he would wipe away the tears that fell down my face when I told him about my home life. I loved that he cared. He was the first boy that I loved.  

I sat in silence as more tears fell down my face. I felt numb to the point of not wanting to exist. 

Parker forgot to tell me everything... He forgot to mention the part of him being depressed and afraid of his stepdad. He forgot to tell me on most days he felt alone to the point of wanting to let go. He forgot to tell me that I was his happiness since the day I walked and sat down here. He forgot to tell me how he noticed the sadness in me but knew I had hope for a better day. He forgot to tell me he loved how my hair would curl at the ends and that my dorky laugh could cheer him up. We forgot to tell each other that we were in love but most importantly he forgot to say goodbye… I found that all in a note when I walked into his apartment. That night I was supposed to meet him for coffee at this table. Our table.

5 years later I’m sitting here wanting the boy I loved back. If he was sitting in that chair I could yell at him but then tackle him into a hug and cry my eyes out over the fact that he's never coming back. Every day I hope that he can hear me because for all that it's worth I would have loved him until the end...

P.S. From the author :

Thank you for reading my story of a dear friend I miss every day. It feels amazing to finally write about it and share a little story of what I've been through in my life. I’ve never shared my feelings on this subject. I feel like I just got a weight off my chest. Oh and on that day   

As I looked over Parker’s brother took a seat. 

“Hey stranger, it’s been a while.” I didn’t think he would recognize someone like me.