Just like her

They're probably all dead, the stars. It's a shame really, but even the prettiest of things burn out eventually.

Like her.

I looked up at the glistening sky and my eyes blurred from the tears beginning to form. She was supposed to be here today, with me. But she isn't, and I don't know if I will ever understand why.

A tear slipped down into my ear as the thought of her mum's - my grandma's - face entered my mind. The horrified look on her face as she stared down at the coffin lying ahead of her.

My black dress spread out on the grass around me, forming what would look like a dark shadow around me to an outside eye. Today was possibly one of the worst days of my life, and yet, I feel nothing.

I am numb. Empty.

I wasn't there when it happened, but ever since I found out, I have been stuck in some kind of time warp. Hours seem to pass, feeling like nothing more than minutes. Days pass like years.

I'm on day 6. I think.

I rolled onto my side to look beside me at the mound of recently-disturbed mud.

"I'm sorry, mum." I whispered, causing another tear to escape my eyes. They felt as though they were on fire, and my eyeliner had completely gone because of the tears.

I pulled my cardigan around me, the fabric pushing against my dress, pulling myself inwards. Perhaps if I pull it enough, I will disappear too.

It's not likely I know, but I still try it.

"Mummy, I know you probably can't hear me, but I love you. I always have, and I always will. I promise to take care of myself, and grandma too." A cold gust of wind passed over my body, and the cold finally got to me. It made my legs sting, and goosebumps rise over my entire figure.

"I wasn't ready to say goodbye, Mummy. I wish for nothing more than to turn back the clock and ask you never to get in that car. I have to go home. I'm sorry."

I stood up and made my way towards the exit. The moon's light made the graveyard look as though it was glowing, and as I turned back to look at the grave one last time, the light glinted off of the headstone. It almost seemed like a fallen star.

The roads that led back to my house were silent, save for the occasional faint sound of a TV in a house I walked past. Early January was always quiet in this town. Everyone is trying to prepare their children to attend school again, and others are just returning to work.

She'd driven in the snow so many times, but this time, she was unlucky. One argument with my dad, and everything became fatal. It was stupid anyway. They were arguing constantly over something my Aunt had said at the new years' party. My dad was adamant that it was an inside joke, but my mum had taken offence. It had gotten to screaming level when my mum grabbed the keys and left. She went to my Nan's house, just to cool off, and was driving home when she hit a patch of ice. Normally, she would be able to regain control, but the police said that she must've been fiddling with the radio or something, and went rolling into a ditch. She wasn't found until the next morning.

The house still smells of her perfume, and as I let myself in, my brain blanked, and I expected her to peer around the corner from the kitchen, and tell me that I'd missed my curfew.

But nothing happened.

The house was too silent now. My dad works nights, so he was out until some ridiculous time in the morning every night. I locked the door behind me, and made my way into the kitchen. I felt no hunger, but still I needed some kind of sustenance, so I decided to make myself a cup of tea. I grabbed a mug out of the cupboard, and immediately my breath caught in my throat, and my heart skipped a beat.

'World's best mum! From Skye' was engraved onto the dark blue mug, and a cartoon of a mother and daughter was plastered on the other side.

I placed it back in the cupboard, and pulled out a plain white mug instead. The fridge was plastered with family photos, or little notes written by my mum, just to remind us of how important we are to her. Everything in the house reminded me of her, and it was suffocating.

I took my tea upstairs, and started running a bath, pouring in a generous amount of my mum's favourite bubble bath. I lit a few candles, and set up some quiet music. She used to do this for me when I'd had a bad day. Like when my rabbit, Twitch, died. Or the time I'd had to go to hospital after having an anaphylactic reaction to a peanut.

Once the tub had filled, I submerged my body in the water, feeling the heat tingle against my cold skin. My tea was balanced on the end table next to the bath, and when I drank some, I was instantly reminded of her.

I laid back, playing with the bubbles, and decided to close my eyes and relax.

"Skye, honey, I thought I told you that three candles was too many." My mother's voice complained, and i looked up to see her sitting on the edge of the bath, still in her woollen dress, and knee high boots.

"Mummy?" I whimpered, and she reached out to touch my head, and I felt instantly warm.

"I love you sweetheart. But remember, it's dangerous to sleep in the bath." As soon as the words left her mouth, she disappeared, and I sat up, gasping for breath and sputtering out water.

The water had become nothing hotter than lukewarm, and my fingers were slowly becoming pruned, so I climbed out, and wrapped a towel around me.

I blew out the candles and made my way to my room, shivering from the sudden temperature change. The air in my room was warm compared to the rest of the house, mainly because of the boiler cabinet being next to it, but still, I changed into my fluffiest onesie, and sat on my bed staring out the window. Looking at the sky.

As a child, I always wanted to be an astronaut, to see the stars and the moon up close.

But now, I'm older. Now, I'm sure the stars are probably all dead.

Just like her.