FLAP!

FLAP!

©2024 Ellen Bennett

FLAP!

Byline: Eugenia Carsons

If you weren’t at the post-show gala last evening at the Tidbitts Theatre, you missed the event of the year! The Opera-Comique, first performed in Paris in 1890, has been a hit all over Europe now for five years. As always, FLAP! brings the news to you firsthand!

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Were my eyes deceived when the reclusive Dr. Nathan C. Rume stepped out of a Hansom in front of Tidbitts Theatre with a very young (certainly by our standards here at Flap!) Miss Charlotte Romper on his arm? It is a known fact that Dr. Rume’s third wife, Allysia, has taken up residence in Miss Maude Solvang’s guest suites in town. Several witnesses confirm that the servants from Rume Manor have been moving her belongings out during the early morning hours. Other sources say that Allysia is now on certain ‘powders’ to keep her from experiencing extreme malaise. The question on everyone’s mind is: Will the reclusive doctor demand a divorce from Allysia in order to marry Miss Charlotte Romper? Will he finally step out of the shadows? If so, the name Mrs. Charlotte Romper-Rume might just take center stage in the days to come.

But let’s not dilly dally a moment longer on the opera details—which was glorious in all its props and vocalists—and go straight to the post-Opera gala affair! Attended by many, here are a few of the highlights!

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Statesman Jasper Briggs, with Mr. Paul Farkas in tow, took a receiving line during the champagne hour. Here is the question on everyone’s mind: Do we really know why Statesman Briggs brings Mr. Farkas with him to public affairs? In some circles, it is said that Briggs is grooming young Farkas to take his seat when he retires—which will not be for a good while (wink wink), while others quietly claim that young Farkas is more than just a trusted ‘companion’. Shall we turn a blind eye to the deeper details? And where is Mrs. Beatrice Briggs? It has been rumored that she is off to France caring for an ailing sister of which no one knows anything about. FLAP! will certainly investigate further!

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The soprano Miss Betts Flounders arrived with the dashing Sir Charles Thackery. It would be an oversight if I did not mention that Miss Flounders was seen dancing well into the morning hours not with Sir Charles but with Registrar Boris Klotz. More to the point and right out in the open, Sir Charles flagrantly held court with Miss Abigail Sconce, Miss Paulette Hedgehopper, and Miss Kathryn Spindletop. Is there truth to the rumors that Miss Flounders is using Sir Charles to improve her status as a legitimate vocalist despite her questionable roots from back-alley brothels in New York City? It is no secret that the two met when Sir Charles visited as emissary—and what normal healthy man of stature would not be entranced by Flounders’ gifted mouth and large bosom? Those closest to Sir Charles keep a tight lip about his lifestyle, but alas, he is too charming and handsome to garner any negative attention. We shall find out soon enough!

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The Family Pickering arrived with daughter Clarisse—who, in most circles is considered a loose cannon of (shall we say with conviction) certain sexual dalliances with incarcerated felons. A most recent encounter—reported to us first-hand by prison guard ‘mole’ Lester Carves—involved a conjugal visit with a recently arrested swashbuckler aptly named Jacque Sweeney just last week! While Sweeney is a ne’er do well and quite a foul character right down to his very bone, one cannot dispute his over-developed body and piercing blue eyes. Our ‘eye on the streets’ Miss Paulette Skank, is keeping close contact with the dressmaker Higinbotham and Sons to confirm any changes in bodice re-fittings. Is daughter Clarisse just ‘gaining weight’ or is she…?

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Of course, no gala would be fitting without the grand entrance of the shipping magnate Family Skittering with the House of Mercer. Mother Margaret Skittering and daughters Smyrna and Claudine—whose dresses were personally tailored by Ernst Dreckmoor—couldn’t have looked more smashing! The daughters spent most of the evening dancing with Mercer sons Lord Calvin and Lord Straphang. Will there be a double wedding soon? If so, it will be the event of the century, one where the Queen would most certainly be in attendance!

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I must give honorable mention to the sumptuous, glorious food served by The House of Kingston. Nothing was left to spare! A beautifully appointed buffet table held several different types of cold smoked fish, salads of potatoes, leeks, and tomato. Roast quail, ham, and Cornish game hens were the main features, while the dessert table looked like it might just crumble from all the baked pies and little cakes piled high upon its spindly legs! It was no secret that Sir Virgil Bunch spent most of his time at the dessert table while his wife, Mrs. Helen Bunch, tried but failed at chastisement! Will we ever be able to control our men, ladies? I think not! They are a breed all to themselves!

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                                                      FLAP! Other Newsworthy Notes

* Dancer Clandine Pfist is recovering from her unfortunate fall when partner Wallis Beuford accidentally dropped her into the orchestra pit during their final number two weeks ago at the Bare Backstage Theatre in Stavinsport. She tells me she will surely return to the stage when her ankle bone heals. The condition of the kettle drum musician has not yet been disclosed, although if it weren’t for the large drums, Miss Pfist could have suffered disastrous injuries! I will check back with her next week! Clandine’s understudy, Miss Fiona Bleevist, is competent and able, but Miss Pfist is the star of this show! You may send her flowers, cards of well wishes, or tea-cakes c/o Jarvis Rehabilitation Hospital.

* The firm of Shlangly, Berkshire, and Hitchcock Barristers-at-Large announces the recent hire of Lord Errol Farley. Farley, educated at Oxford, brings his lovely wife Estelle, and their two children Leonard and Listeria to live in nearby Puddingvale. We wish him the best of luck! I’ve taken the pleasure of inviting Estelle to the Ladies of Town luncheon next Tuesday.

* Auctioneers Ball and Chane will be hosting an art exhibit next Friday—the ninth—at Gallery Dodger starting at one PM. On display will be the works of painters Alexander Broulee. Ulysses Dou Chard, and Charles Mignon. I expect to see all of you there! Bring money!

* Sir Alfred Pangborn and Miss Nettie Potts have announced their engagement, a June wedding is planned, the guest lists and party arrangements are in the very able hands of Miss Glennys Charma. My insiders tell me that the merging of the House of Pangborn and the lesser House of Potts will finally put Potts back into financial stability. Is it true that Potts is marrying Pangborn at the behest of her parents’ need for financial restitution? Perhaps, since Sir Alfred is considerably older than Miss Enid Potts (you did not hear this from me, but the age spread is thought to be at least sixteen years wink wink).

That is the news from the desk of Eugenia Carsons. Remember, you can run but you can’t hide from the tip of my quill!

Ta ta my lovelies!