Begin Again

I pushed the door and the chimes of the door sounded. It was seven in the morning when I came to the coffee shop I love to eat breakfast.

I looked for a vacant table and saw one. I sat on the chair and placed my hand atop of the table. I waited for the waiter to come to me while watching the fast-moving vehicles outside the coffee shop. 

Summer... I hate summer. It makes your skin itchy and sticky while your face becomes oily. "May I take your order, Ma'am Ash?" I am their regular customer and they memorised my name already. 

"The usual..." I said and she smiled before walking away from me.

Every morning before going to work at nine, I drink coffee or eat pancakes here. I looked around and wondered if how long will I be doing this routine.

While waiting for my order, I saw a man sniffling across my table. His position is facing me but his eyes are looking down, red and tears keep sliding down. 

What a rare thing to watch, I said in my mind. A man crying relentlessly in front of me... it's breaking my soft heart.

He did not stop crying and kept wiping his tears with his hands. I noticed that he was not carrying a handkerchief.

I inhaled and opened my bag, I searched for my handkerchief and looked at him with pity. I stood and approach him.

"Excuse me?" I called and offered my orange with autumn leaves design handkerchief.

He looked me in the eye and I saw how sad he is as his eyes are turning completely red and his nose too.

He accepted the handkerchief and gasped for air. "T-Thank you," he said and wiped the tears that flowed down from his cheeks to his chin.

I smiled and scratched my right brow. "You can keep it," I whispered and was about to return to my seat when he held my hand.

I looked at him with my wide eyes and brows raised. I blinked rapidly as he did not let my hand go.

"Let's just share a table, after all, I'm the only one sitting here and you are sitting there alone," he cracked up, "I just need a friendly stranger to vent to."

"S-Sure" I smiled in response, "By the way, I am Ash."

"Josh."

He's depressed? Broken maybe? Did someone die? I don't know but I do know that this might save him. Someone who can listen, a stranger.

He shared about his girlfriend's wedding next week. He was deeply wounded by the sudden announcement from his girlfriend whom he spent his five years. He did not expect that his beloved would disappear instantly in his embrace and get married to a different man without a warning.

I haven't experienced that type of relationship so I couldn't help. I just listened and understand his feelings.

Days become weeks, weeks become months and months become years - our relationship grew.

My routine changed a bit because of him. He sprinkled something in my life that made me happy for a while.

Yes, for a while, because things don't always end well...

This shop may be my happy spot but it is also where the saddest scene of my life happened. My heart sank and I never expected this to happen.

I think it was my assumption. My imagination of our future. My expectation of forever injured me. The stranger whom I healed and slowly loved.

"Ash... I want to pursue my dreams in Germany," he said while looking away from him.

"Have you ever thought of me? Am I part of your plans and dream?" I uttered, trying not to cry in front of him.

"You can always come with me," he held my hand before continuing, "Ash, come on, please... Look at me."

I inhaled and cleared my throat before speaking. "Josh, you need to go, you may not be able to reach your flight," I said and withdrew my hand away from his hand.

He held my shoulders and I saw his worried face. He smiled and caressed my cheek.

"I need to love myself first," he said that tore my soul apart. When I healed you, I thought it was because you already loved me. When I loved you, I thought it was forever.

He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Thank you."

One tear slid down to my cheek and fell inside my mouth. "I love you..." I whispered as he let his arms unwrapped and let me go.

He walked out of the coffee shop, my tears start flowing. He looked at me and continued walking away. I stayed for a while in the coffee shop to regain my senses. I am just sitting on the corner, silently crying the pain away.

Who am I to expect? I healed him yet he broke me. Why? Did I expect too much and love so much? My head was filled with questions about my unrequited love for him.

"Excuse me, Miss?" a man called that stopped me from crying. He handed me his handkerchief and smiled.

"T-Thank you," I stuttered and accepted it. I wiped my reddened and wet eyes while sniffling.

"You can keep it," he uttered and looked at me with a subtle smile.

I looked at him and smiled back, "Thanks."

"But on one condition," he said that made me confused and raised my brows. "Can I share a table with you?"

I chuckled and replied, "S-Sure."

I can hear him clearing his throat before asking, "If you don't mind me can I ask what happened."

I just smiled bitterly and replied, "Yeah, as long as you won't judge." Both of us cracked a laugh and he answered, "I won't, I promise."

We talked about what happened to me and I shared my pain with him. He listened and comforted me.

It's funny but I was like - "Go with the flow of life and just watch it begin again."