A Brilliant Monotone

Life, in short, is a monotone existence.

Elizabeth Louis stepped out into the bustling city of Manhattan. Tears brimmed her blue eyes. Blue eyes that seemed to never have any color, despite being blue. 

           “Everyone can tell that you’ve been crying.”

           She shook her head because she thought it helped settle the thoughts rattling around her mind, it did not however. Rain pounded on the sidewalk as if trying to drown out the voices. But to Elizabeth, the voices were the only thing she could hear. She decided to walk Central Park, like she always did when she was feeling this way, monotone.

           “They’re all staring at you.”

           A group of friends passed Elizabeth, they laughed, something she hadn’t done in a while. They weren’t staring at her, but that didn’t matter, it didn’t know that. Elizabeth reached her hand up and whacked her head lightly. 

           “I’m the only part of you that matters, you’re nothing.”

           She stopped and took a deep breath. But was it right? Elizabeth couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled or enjoyed herself. She spent all of her time in her apartment, alone. If it ruins everything, then it shouldn’t be allowed to touch the good in the world.

           “If I ruin everything, then you do too. Maybe that’s why they left you.”

           Elizabeth’s mind flooded with thoughts of her friends; they didn’t speak anymore. Or her family; she hadn’t seen them in years. She had never loved anyone truly. It doesn’t allow love.

           “No one could ever love you anyways.”

           A flier blew by Elizabeth’s feet, she bent down and picked it up. It was an advertisement for therapy. The flier was decorated with all sorts of bright colors and flowers, to match Spring.

           “You’re beyond therapy, mental asylum would suit you better.”

           She crumpled the flier and threw it in the trash. Its bright colors stood out amongst the darkness. Elizabeth continued walking; a sad blues played from a musician’s saxophone. She had always wanted to be talented at something like the musician. But it doesn’t allow distractions.

“You could never be as good as them.”

The rain seemed to harmonize with the music. To be so talented that even nature gave way to your melodies. Even the trees seemed to sway in time to the sweet song.

“Nature gives gifts to people who are worthy of them, you are not one of them.”

Elizabeth pulled her hood over her head. The less people who had to look at her the better. Or at least, that was what it said.

“See, now people aren’t burdened with how hideous you are.”

She choked back tears, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the voices in her head.

“You cannot get rid of me, I’m the only thing you have left.”

There was truth in it’s statement. Lonely. It was the only true word to describe Elizabeth. Companionship, she longed for it more than anything else in this world.

“There is no one like you but me.”

As the music faded into the distance, Elizabeth found herself trying to cling to the notes, as if each new rhythm breathed life into her.

“Just let go, everything must end.”

She tried to ignore it, more than anything she wanted to run back to the music. But it always has control.

“No one wants you around them.”

Elizabeth rubbed her eyes, she turned around the corner and saw a small stream. She wanted to look at it, maybe there were frogs or fish inside it.

“They will all think you’re crazy.”

A family passed her. The mom smiled and her daughter waved, Elizabeth didn’t have the energy to return the gesture, her mind was always running.

“Everyone thinks you’re rude, you should’ve returned the gesture.”

But it would not allow her to return the gesture. Besides, the family reminded her of her own family.

“Your entire family probably hates you; you never talk to them.”

More than anything on this Earth Elizabeth wanted to be free of it; She wanted to learn about music, and have friends, and have a relationship with her family. But it was like a weight on her chest.

“Whatever you do will bring disappointment.”

It was always in her ear, telling her that she was wrong, who she was and who she needed to be. Tears taste salty; and Elizabeth tasted many.

“If you cry everyone will laugh at you.”

She quickly wiped her eyes. It was right, emotion shouldn’t be expressed. It didn’t allow it. She pulled a bag of chips out of her backpack and began to open it.

“If you eat that you’re going to get fat.”

Elizabeth searched for the nearest garbage can, she was hungry, but it was always right. 

“You shouldn’t be hungry.”

She hadn’t eaten breakfast. She was starving. But it was what it wanted. It always got what it wanted.

“See I’m the only part of you that is worth something.”

Elizabeth wanted to scream; blood pounded in her ears. She wanted to live her life, and to experience the joys the world had to offer her, she wanted for her mind to not feel like it was a puzzle with a missing piece. She wanted peace.

“I am the best version of you.”

Elizabeth burst into tears; it would be the end of her. It was controlling her life. She frantically searched for a place to rest her mind, for her feet weren’t the ones constantly running. She sat under a small willow tree, the leaves hung low beneath the branches, a small shelter for the rain. A pop of purple caught her eye. It was a small crocus. Despite the darkness, and rain, and cruelty of the world. This crocus bloomed. 

“Nature gives gifts to people who are worthy of them.”

The voice was it’s, but different. As the rain danced on the willow tree while the sun began to set and the spring bugs began to come out of the grass and sing their sweet song, she closed her eyes. She could hear the blues music echoing through the park. Elizabeth felt different. Nature, music, rain, trees, and small flowers. The world seemed brighter, and her chest almost felt lighter.

Life, in short, is a brilliant existence.