Sophina

The party was for Sophina’s niece’s Quinceanera – celebrating her fifteenth birthday, in other words. Larissa was born to a single mom as her Dad died in a roll over while her parents were expecting her. Larissa’s mom is Sophina’s younger sister by seven years. Sophina is extremely nervous. It’s been several years since she let herself join in a large gathering of any kind, feeling the family disappointment since her husband abandoned her. She was left to figure it all out.... but what. The pandemic from the COVID-19 virus hit well after Rog left her and she thought for a long time there was grace in that it might get him thinking to pull his pants up and come back and talk through everything. 

Sophina’s dreams of taking the family – her family of four and even their cat – to Paris kept rising and sinking with her emotions and especially grief of how Rog behaved. It hurt her bad from the inside and she felt rotten and couldn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want the attention. She didn’t want the creepiness of what happened to her beautiful life to ever really sink in. She just wanted to erase that there were mean people out there that could capture a heart for a lifetime and yet behave as though they didn’t. Rog behaved as though he didn’t convince Sophina they’d be together monogamously for always and forever, that she was the best thing that ever happened to him and the best mom – even better than other women he slept with. 

No wonder the nerves. Sophina was supposed to be the light in a room, the event planner and everyone’s biggest supporter. She had to become a dim light in a world she just wanted someone to really encourage her to shine in. Missing gatherings at the height of the pandemic was pretty easy, but as flowing activities ensued, missing funerals, weddings, and her favorite festival couldn’t go unnoticed. She hated the questions from family and friends. Where was she? Why did she seem lost in space? Sophina kept faith in her heart enough to push onwards... to persevere. She began a scrunchie making business that she could do quietly and keep her hands and feet busy mailing out products and filling orders. She became a freelance writer to create content for less-abled people, even writing legal documents and birthday messages to others from those that simply failed English. 

The Quinceanera would even mean meeting new members to the family and seeing best friends that didn’t even feel like it any more. Rog left fourteen years ago. Hell. On Earth. Sophina’s throat was lumpy feeling anytime she even thought of joining groups knowing it wouldn’t feel quite right if it wasn’t how she dreamed attending all these functions. She blinked extra hard when suppressing her negative thoughts, and quietly and silently coached her mind to know her confidence could still show... could reassure others that they too can live through any darned surprise thrown their way. Forgetting to breathe is a common daily occurrence for Sophina, literally saying aloud to others “breathe” and having them wonder why someone like her would even try to tell them what they should do. 

This party, a first in a long time, could determine the next fourteen years. Janie would be there. Janie moved into Sophina’s town when they were finishing Grade three. A crap year. The teacher had tried to fail Sophina in Social but Sophina’s mom put a stop to it, making school really embarrassing and exhausting to be at. Sophina developed headaches and a fear of being imperfect. Janie reminded Sophina that she could be a kid. Later is high school they danced nude under age in a bar and won money. They both liked the free feeling of being nude. Sophina partly wanted everyone at this party to be there nude, then maybe people would forget that Rog left her. Her body was always a source of attention to others and she’ s learned to work with it rather than detest the judgey-ness of comparisons constantly made to this girl or that lady. Or, be questioned if she was working hard enough or that she just got certain jobs because she’s pretty. 

Sophina knows she’s smart. Collette will be there too. Collette is the million per year cousin that is a lawyer and also has her pilot’s license, small plane and two properties she doesn’t need. That means three in total. Who really needs the extra house in Taiwan and cabin in Tulum? Come on. And that’s not jealousy – that's straight up conservatism. People are starving in the world and Collette has three houses – two that sit empty most of the year. Sure, she employs house sitters and grounds keepers, but there’s still better things to do. Like buy large tractors and pay medical bills for strangers. Yes, Sophina will tell her this today at the party, and isn’t even nervous about that part. She’s pretty sure Collette has a few lovers too, and no one cares. But, if Sophina were to have a lover, the world would end for everyone that’s use to her attention. Sigh! 

Sophina is back to being nervous because her perfectionism needs her to be the most beautiful in attendance. The business suit she chose is so dark blue most will think its black. The pale grey satin blouse is light and airy and she likes how it feels on her tummy when she walks. She’s done her nails matching, but lighter grey (almost white) than the blouse. She learned on TikTok how to curl her hair with rope and it’s grown so long it touches her butt. She purposefully allowed a bit of root to grow after she dyed her hair a platinum tone because it brings boldness and power to her look. The sun-kissed skin doesn’t need any foundation. She’s grown out of acne and dusty pink eye shadow and smoky eyeliner compliment the outfit to cap it off. Or, maybe it’s the short black heels – toes closed. No one really even knows she’s nervous because she’s use to hiding. And she likes to hide it. Sophina likes to take in everyone else’s drama and doesn’t need everyone to know hers. But just one man would be nice. Where the f is he anyways. 

Breathe. 

And, GO! 

Sophina has parked her car. She’s locked it. There are dozens of cars outside the hall even though she’s ten minutes early. No one else is in the parking lot though. She can hear one siren in the distance somewhere in the city. 

She stands tall, walks loosely in her heels, lets the nerves ride, and marches into the building.